Make studying even worse with these absolutely abysmal study spots!
Here’s the deal. It’s midterm season. We all have too much work to do and not enough time. For many of us, the majority of our days are spent studying, preparing for class, and trying not to cry. It is often difficult to find a good study spot without distractions, so if you came here for good study spots, you either cannot read or are in the wrong place. In case of the former, you don’t know what I have written anyway, and in case of the latter, welcome to the wrong place. Keep reading.
The Lerner Ramps
Listen. I had never studied here before, and will never study here again. There is absolutely no reason to choose the ramps in the first place. There isn’t anything special there, and it certainly doesn’t have any redeeming factors. My laptop, pen, and notebook all continually slide down the uneven table. People are constantly walking past you. It’s noisy. Worst of all, there are eyesores all over the place such as the Spectator newspaper racks. Disgusting. If you value studying at all, the ramps are not the place for you.
Butler Library Entrance
The famed wind tunnel is also, disappointingly enough, a terrible place to study. I couldn’t stick my legs out all the way due to the insufferable stream of people going in and out. Even worse is the amount of people who forget how to walk. How hard is it to step over somebody? Is it really that much of an inconvenience to you? My charging cord is none of your business. I was here before you, anyway; go around you buffoons. Moreover, the security guard interrupted me and asked me when I was leaving. Extremely rude thing to do.
Dodge Fitness Center
There really is no good place in Dodge to put a laptop or notebook and finding a place to sit down is incredibly difficult unless you go during ~off-peak hours~. Dodge is sweltering, and nobody wants to study while sweating. With so many people around, you get a lot of weird looks when you study. It’s almost like you’re expected to work out?? And those of you who claim to go to the gym but spend time on your phone while there are doing just as much work as I am. Rack your weights and leave if you aren’t going to put the phone down. My grind might be different than yours but there’s no need to stare.
Ledge by Law Bridge
Aside from feeling like you are on a Drake album cover, the ledge next to Law Bridge doesn’t have many bonuses. Leaning forward or backward on the ledge is a no go. If you have a profound appreciation for heights, be my guest. But for the rest of us sane people, this is not a good study spot. Please do not study here or on any ledge. Your chances of falling aren’t 100%, but they certainly aren’t nonexistent either.
The Tooth
First of all, the tooth is surprisingly slippery and difficult to get on top of. Thus, if you forget your laptop in your backpack, you have to make the long haul down and up again. It’s pretty easy to slide off of the tooth and that might be a little too dangerous for your liking. Due to this, sitting on the tooth requires a lot of balance, concentration, and the ability to nearly do the splits. Lastly, you also have a tendency to be spun around by someone who thinks they’re really cool because they can spin a sculpture that is meant to be spun. It is not fun to spin while sitting on top of this thing. It feels like death.
The Mixed Paper Cans
Sitting here makes your legs fall asleep immediately. The open slit underneath you adds an element of fear which can be a positive for those of us who are stress workers. But for anyone else, it feels like you are constantly sinking. The smelly trash bin next to me made the place at least 12 times worse. Although I was surprised to find the metal is fairly comfortable, it also feels like it can break at any moment. Don’t fall into the paper bin. If you’re hot enough, you might even start a fire ;).
(Disclaimer: don’t start another fire, we’ve had enough of those already.)
Lion Sculpture
I personally didn’t enjoy it, but hey, if you’re into straddling hard, uncomfortable things, feel free to study here. The lion’s extremely hard spine is not worth the ease of the climb onto its back. You can easily fall off either side and find yourself lion on the ground. As the lion is in such a well-traversed area, security guards will often see and tell you to get down. Therefore, if you’re planning on studying for a long time, this is not a viable option. Sorry, STEM kids.
Construction Zone Behind Low
Unfortunately, there aren’t any good places to sit, unless you enjoy sitting on traffic cones, making this a standing-only zone. Thankfully, hard hats are readily available and provide a tiny bit of protection from the impending doom of something falling and hitting you. I am also unsure of the structural soundness of the scaffolding as it is far too wobbly for my liking. This is also a restricted study spot, so you only have permission to study here if you are special enough (like me).
The Phallic Phountains
Swimming in the fountain almost made me feel like I was back home in the land of 10,000 lakes. The water is definitely too cold for those of you who are non-northerners. Yet it is perfect for us rural, northern Minnesotans and our Canadian brethren. If you are feeling nostalgic and miss home, go for a swim! However, the water quality is dreadful, and the bottom of the fountain has definitely not been cleaned in a long while. Moreover, this was way deeper than I expected. If you plan to study here, you’ll need to waterproof your laptop, notebooks, and headphones. And I hate to tell you this SEAS kids, but a bridge isn’t an option. Learn to swim fools. Overall, this just isn’t a good option for studying. It’s dirty, wet, cold, and deep. Not to mention the fountain looks like a penis. Ew.
all photos via Eli Reville
7 Comments
@pappo this is the great content I yearn for
@Anonymous loved this :)
@Anonymous This is fucking awesome!!!!! So creative, loved the fountain picture. Dedication!!! Way 2 go!!
@Alum who writes funny for a living It’s been a long time since I’ve seen talent like this in a Columbia rag. And am I right that he’s a first-year? So much the better. Covering sports is nice, but keep after this kind of thing. People need a laugh and you can give it to ’em.
@Anonymous One of the funnier articles I’ve read on Bwog. Good job!
@Young quarterback This just topped Henry Golub’s “Turn Avery into a Farm” post in the “Bwog Shortforms I Laughed At The Most” category. Kudos
@Anonymous The dedication to hard hitting journalism it took to actually study in these spots and provide photo evidence is why I read Bwog in the first place. Well done.