From a first year who went home for Thanksgiving…

How are you liking New York? – 7/10

Perfectly innocent question.  The only problem is that it inevitably leads to “what do you do in the city?” (which I cannot answer truthfully) or “your poor parents, why so far??” (which I also cannot answer truthfully).  

Are you taking the subway at night? I told you not to take the subway at night. Are you? ARE YOU? – 1/10

Clearly, there is only one correct answer to this question.  I have no choice but to respond with “No, mom, of course not,” while wiping the remnants of her spit from my face.  

Is it cold? – 5/10

Yes, it’s cold. Not the most intelligent question.  But I do love scaring my San Diego based family with tales of CLOUDS and RAIN and LONG SLEEVED CLOTHING. 

Can I see your dorm? – 10/10

I love this one. I get to show them a picture of the cupcake that’s been sitting on my desk since move in, and watch them recoil. 

Do you have friends? – 2/10

Do you have any faith in me?  A simple “tell me about your friends!” would have sufficed.  I do, however, like telling them about my friends (hence the two points).  

Do you have a boyfriend? – 0/10

No. I go to Barnard.

Do you want a boyfriend? – 0/10

No. I go to Barnard. 

When are you going to get a boyfriend? – 0/10


What are you studying? – 5/10

This one offers me the perfect opportunity to brag about my ridiculous math class.  However, it often leads to “wow, how is that going?” which backs me into a rather unfortunate corner.  “Not great,” I tell them, verging on a meltdown, before confessing to my failed midterm. 

So I’m paying thousands of dollars a year for you to fail a math class?? – 10/10

Simple, direct, accurate.  No qualms with this one.  Sorry mom and dad!

There’s a STRIKE?? Who’s the president?? Should I call the president?? – 4/10

I appreciate the confidence, but I don’t think he’d take your call.  Also, what were you planning on SAYING?

How are the dining halls? – 9/10

This one offers me the perfect opportunity to COMPLAIN. “All I eat is PIZZA,” I wine, glancing at my father across the table, hoping he’ll offer me money to spend on food. 

Oh DEAR! Should I send you cookies? – 1000/10

Thank you, grandma.  Good to know that SOMEBODY cares.  

Are you wearing that sweater I got you? – 0/10

I am not. 

Thanksgiving Dinner via Bwog Archives