A brief and definitely not extensive enough holiday survival guide.

As finals season begins to wrap up (finally), the next season begins: heading home. Sure, for the first two days being home is lovely, it’s a sweet relief from living under the fluorescent lighting and having your eyeballs glued to your computer screen. That is, until it’s time for the family holiday dinner. Whether it’s your slightly odd uncle who is shocked that you haven’t gone to every one of his NYC recommendations from when he went once in the 1980s, or that one cousin who keeps bringing up her new engagement, it’s unclear if you will be able to survive with your sanity intact. So without further ado, here are the top ways to survive your family’s holiday season. 

  1. Run away. 

That’s it. The top way to survive is simply to fake your own death and run into the woods. Warning: this may cause some drama when your aunt guilt trips you for not being home enough. 

  1. Pull the attention to another family member

No one will even notice you sitting there silently if Becky over there is being questioned for not being engaged yet to her partner of seven years (your grandmother wants a wedding more than she wants to live). 

  1. Sit in the corner and pet the dog. 

Shhhhhhhhh, it’s fine no one notices you crouched there awkwardly. Just you and the dog. In this together. 

  1. Emotionally prepare beforehand. 

Drink some ~tea~ and maybe meditate for a bit. Take an aspirin for the headache you know you will be getting ten seconds in. This is probably the most sane option. That being said, it’s also my least favorite. The sitting in the corner with the dog one is probably what I’ll end up opting for, but murder-suicide is never off the table so you never know. Scream out of your window (It’s New York City and I can tell you from experience that literally no one will care.) 

Good luck! I sort of believe in you.