Football? What’s that?

I Forgot About Sports

I am forever grateful that Barnard does not have any sports teams. I’m aware that Columbia has a whole bunch of them, but I’ve managed to avoid attending any sort of sports-related events thus far. I am also aware that Columbia has a gym—because I accidentally had a conversation with an athlete last semester—but my brain has since learned to prevent the name “Dodge” from reaching my eardrums. I’ve also been told that Barnard has a gym. I cannot, however, confirm or deny this rumor because I have never been.    


Unfortunately, I did not forget about men—there’s one in my Spanish class and plenty polluting Milstein. But I would like to! The Super Bowl most certainly would not have been conducive to this desire. It’s full of men. They’re toppling over on the field, wheezing on the sidelines, and banging on their chests in the stands. If I wanted to witness such a blatant display of testosterone I’d have chosen to attend literally any other college.  


Look, I’m not the biggest Euphoria fan in the world—but I’m fairly certain that most of us would rather watch Maddie and Cassie duke it out than… who was in the Super Bowl? 


This year’s Super Bowl Sunday happened to coincide with Kanye’s Instagram rant about Kim and Pete. There are plenty of Super Bowls, but there is only one Kimye. And, at this point, Kimye is American history. In just a few years we’ll be studying Kanye’s Captain America: Civil War edit to satisfy Barnard’s “Thinking with Historical Perspective” requirement. I don’t know about you, but I’ll certainly be ready.  

Because I’m Better Than Everyone 

I spent last Monday walking around campus asking Barnard students if they had watched the Super Bowl. Most of them took my question as some sort of horrible accusation. “Do I look like a commoner to you???” their furrowed (and slitted) brows and scrunched (and pierced) noses demanded. One person answered by pointing to their Doc Martens. 

Football via Bwarchives