Hewitt’s mismatched cutlery sets present wonderful options for those biased in their spoon preferences.

We all know the superior utensil in the cutlery drawer: the spoon. It can cut, it can scoop, and it can hold soup. It is perfect for any eating actions a person might do. When the spoon is done right it can be a testament to human innovation, the pinnacle of modern society, but when done wrong… is almost blasphemous.

Hewitt dining hall, a personal favorite of mine, has quite a nice array of spoons to choose from. Some of these are simply atrocious, some are acceptable, and there is a wonderful hidden gem that sometimes makes an appearance in the spoon bin, but more on that later.

First, my hate letter to the round soup spoons. I hate the concept of a soup spoon anyway, aren’t all spoons equipped to carry soup? It’s not even a spoon if it can’t carry liquid, right? And these so-called “soup spoons” are completely unwieldy. They’re way too wide to comfortably ferry soup into your mouth, like they want you to have the most uncomfortable possible soup experience. Are they trying to shame the Tom Sturridges of the world for their natural anatomy? And it’s not like they can actually carry that much liquid anyway, the bowl of the spoon is comparatively flat, so calling it a soup spoon is heresy to the highest degree. 

Next comes two spoon species that I consider to be of the same genus. These are both standard spoons with slightly different handles. One is plain and smooth, while the other has some decorative lines. I personally prefer the smooth handle aesthetically, but I acknowledge that the weight of the decorative handle is more comfortable and balanced to use. When a spoon is too light, the weight of whatever is eventually carried by it offsets the harmony between the spoon and its user. Therefore, a heftier handle is generally the way to go. The bowl of these two spoons, however, is standard. These spoons are going to be reliable, although not necessarily the best spoon experience.

Next is the best consistently available spoon in Hewitt and, fortunately, the most plentiful. I am talking, of course, about the narrow spoons with the pockmarked handles. This set of silverware may not have been my personal design choice; however, I must give Barnard dining credit for choosing a nicely weighted spoon with an appropriately narrow bowl. The pockmarked handle design gives the spoon the necessary weight to counterbalance the load of the spoon, and the bowl is narrow but still holds a nice amount of soup or cereal or whatever you are eating. This spoon is a good one but doesn’t quite measure up to the last on our list.

Lastly, we have the holy grail, the elusive teaspoon. These little guys don’t always make an appearance, but when they do, I take them as a sign of good fortune. They aren’t as small as a standard teaspoon but are still nicely hobbit-sized. Any proper spoon connoisseur can tell you that the smaller the spoon, the more satisfying the spoon experience. Something about the slight stature of a teaspoon seems supportive but not pressuring. These specific teaspoons have the nicely weighted handles essential to a good spoon, and they seem to have a shine that no other spoons in the dining hall have, as if the universe itself has designated this Best Spoon. 

If you disagree with any of these opinions, then please just use the soup spoons exclusively, so that there are more teaspoons for those of us who understand the importance of a fine spoon.

Spoon Art via Bwog Illustrator Ava Morouse