The sun sets at 4:47 pm on the evening of November 6. God help us all.

  1. Stop believing in the concepts of “day” and “night.” 
  2. Curse the sun and scream obscenities at the snow.
  3. Move to the Southern Hemisphere.
  4. Commit as many sins as you possibly can and go to hell where it’s warm.
  5. If that doesn’t work, time travel to the 1300s and become a Florentine politician. Dante will have you burning in no time.
  6. Install a fake sun in your room to trick your brain into thinking that you are the planet Mercury, which has an average temperature of 167º C (332º F).
  7. Eat ice. The cold inside + cold outside will cancel out. Cold + cold = warm.
  8. Go talk to my bubbe. She’ll knit you a pair of socks.
  9. Alternatively, go talk to anyone from Minnesota, and they’ll tell you that it isn’t cold. Problem solved.
  10. Pay $8 to Elon, who will use the money for good causes, I’m sure. Maybe ending winter is one of them.
  11. Pray for forgiveness.
  12. Befriend the rats. Wear a rat coat.
  13. Oh god we’ll never make it this time
  14. Kill George Hudson.
  15. there are no more I just wanted to make it to 15. we have very limited options. Act wisely. Stay warm. Sleep early. Good luck.

Sun via Bwog Archives