How else are you supposed to judge a supermarket?

Let’s set the scene. It’s late, or early, maybe 2 or 3 am. You’re tossed, sloshed, baked, cooked, hammered, or whatever adjective you prefer to describe your intoxicated state. You haven’t eaten since dinner, around 7 pm. You’re starved, but as you arrive back to your dorm, your fridge is empty. If only you had a pre-prepared, cheap meal to satisfy the hunger that prevents you from sleeping. No meal does this better for me than fried rice. I’ve always got at least a container of it for emergency meals like these, but now, I’ve started my quest to find the best premade fried rice (or fried rice-adjacent) meal I can buy at one of the numerous Morningside Heights grocery stores. I went to five of the most iconic supermarkets in the area and purchased the most generic fried rice I could find at each one. Without further ado, here are the results.

5. Westside Market
Maybe I was unlucky. Maybe I picked the wrong container of fried rice from the northeast corner of 110th and Broadway. Or maybe I did something to upset the fried rice deity. Whatever it be, the rice was not fried enough. It was undercooked to the point of extreme toothiness. The texture reminded me of all my failed attempts to make rice without a rice cooker. However, the chicken and vegetables were moderately redeeming.

4. Morton Williams
While it was a good price, Morton Williams’ fried rice was just mediocre—nothing was particularly egregious, but nothing was outstanding either. It generally lacked flavor, so it got the dining hall treatment of being drenched in salt and hot sauce to really stimulate my taste buds. They however do have the convenience of being open 24/7, but whether there will be any fried rice left, and whether it will still be good is all luck of the draw.

3. Appletree Market
This one was a pleasant surprise. I’d thought since Appletree’s fried rice contained only vegetables, it would leave me wanting more, but it was very satiating. It evoked a vaguely South Asian palate with its Basmati rice and chunks of potato, which was a welcome change of pace. I might even call it the best bang for your buck on this list.

2. Central Markets
I was recently made aware of this somewhat inconspicuous store across from Café Amrita, and it might just be my new go-to spot for all things grocery. But there was just one problem. They didn’t have fried rice. So I got the next best thing, noodles, and they demolished the competition thus far. With their sweet and savory sesame sauce, these noodles ticked nearly all of the boxes. However, among other reasons, I couldn’t give the top spot to a non-fried rice dish, making the best grocery store fried rice in Morningside Heights from…

1. H Mart
To nobody’s surprise, H Mart wins the fried rice ranking. The fermented kimchi and pickled radish cut through the richness of the egg and spam and created a wonderful experience. Not much more to note, it was delicious and I’d like to bathe in it.

There you have it, the best fried rice to have in your fridge after coming back from a wild night. Or, y’know, maybe just get Halal.

Westside Market via Bwarchives