Trying to move on from your academic flop era? We got you.

Winter break is a highly anticipated time to finally be able to unwind and separate yourself from academic stress. You have the freedom to wake up at whatever time without fear of missing a class and eat food that isn’t at one of the on-campus dining halls (shoutout to mom and dad for letting me back on their dime for those three weeks). However, there is one tremendous roadblock that stands in the way of settling into full relaxation mode: the grueling and often nerve-wracking waiting period for grades to come out. For my first-years who perhaps felt disappointed by their final GPA and were expecting that one B+ to turn into an A- (or maybe for that F to turn into a P depending on how dire your circumstance), I stand with you. Below, I have provided a list of tips and tricks on how to heal during this grieving period, rebuild academic confidence, and become motivated to achieve that precious 4.0—or dare I even say—4.33 GPA.

  1. Spend your day scrolling through the negative reviews of the professor who gave you your lowest grade on CULPA for catharsis. Knowing that others also suffered in their class will make you feel less alone and can also help you justify shifting the blame for your poor academic performance onto your professor. The key is to never dive into introspection. Why ever admit to being the problem if you don’t have to?!
  2. Disable your Handshake account and take the lower GPA as a calling to spend your summer working a paying job than rotting away in an unpaid internship. At least you’ll be able to have pocket change to buy more overpriced coffee during the school year while everyone else must suffer at the hands of the watered-down cappuccino machines at John Jay and Ferris.
  3. Recenter your focus on academics and studying by not attending class. If school is the source of your stress then why go? It is clearly not having a positive impact on your well-being since going to class literally takes away time that you can spend on homework. And how can you have the time to do homework (and thus succeed academically) if you are busy taking notes and being attentive in class? Doesn’t seem sensible.
  4. You can cosplay as that annoying special breed of STEM students who invalidate the achievements of humanities students who earned a higher GPA than them. Your ego will skyrocket when you absolutely own the English majors with the claim that earning a B- in any level science class is far more impressive than a stupid A+ in a 3000-level literature class (I am an English major btw).

Sad in the Library via Flickr