At least my money is going to good use!

It’s no secret that tuition at Barnard can be pricey. If you’re anything like me, your crippling debt keeps you up until the wee hours of the night! So what can we do to help alleviate this pain? Try taking advantage of all the things that you are literally paying for! I’ve compiled a list of events and announcements on campus that are happening in March. I can’t wait to check them all out!

March 1: Barnard will be receiving a solid gold Greta Gerwig (’06) statue created by none other than Anish Kapoor. Sources say “Golden Gerwig” will be installed in the center of Futter Field for every Barnard student to admire and enjoy. Sure this work of art was pricey but how else could we get ready for the upcoming Barbie movie? Kapoor has been quoted saying “this will certainly be the new Cloud Gate”. The arrival of “Golden Gerwig” will be celebrated by a school wide party. President Beilock says the first 150 students in line will receive their very own DVD copy of Lady Bird. So get out of bed and get ready to party! Don’t forget that we’re paying for this!

March 12: After the great success of the new Bubble Tea and Sushi Spot, Barnard Dining has recently announced that they will be increasing the number of locations on campus! Milbank Hall will be home to six more Bubble Tea and Sushi Spots—one for each floor (including the basement) and one in the elevator. When students asked how this construction will affect their ability to get to class, Barnard Dining responded by saying “boba”. They declined to elaborate. Yes this expansion will be expensive but at least the bubble tea itself is reasonably priced! Eight dollars is nothing compared to the thousands I spend in tuition.

March 17: To celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day, Barnard has decided to start a new tradition! Do you remember how in Kindergarten your teacher would come in really early and mess up the classroom so that everyone thought a leprechaun broke in? Yeah, that! Good luck getting all of your dorms back in order! I’m so glad that Barnard is paying people good money to keep the Saint Patrick’s Day magic alive. Totally worth it.

March 26: Starting in late March, Serena Williams will be teaching a week long tennis course! Will you get in? Oh most definitely not. Will it feel good to repost Barnard’s announcement of it on your Instagram story to make your high school bully jealous? Hell yeah it will be. That sense of superiority is worth the thousands of your dollars that Barnard is spending.

March 31: To close out the lovely month of March, Barnard will continue to not pay their RA’s a fair wage! Wait…

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