The Mario and Luigi of Columbia are back and beautiful and we are proposing marriage. Maybe you should too.

Looking for a new man who can provide for you financially, respect you, be Italian, and cook? Look no further than Chef Mike and Chef Don. We are loving these men, but we can’t double dip. Elaine wants Mike. Spencer wants Don. Let’s discuss.

In defense of Chef Mike: 

  • The most beautiful little Italian man in history! I love his toothy grin! His tall, wide eyebrows perfectly frame his cool brown eyes… And who doesn’t love a man in uniform, the chef suit (that white shirt that looks like the karate uniform, you know what I’m talking about).
  • Subs. It’s like Subway, but free. I can pay for it! With my ID! Amazing. Uris is quite close to the Math building at Columbia University in the City of New York (in case you didn’t know to what I was referring) so I can hit him up for a sloppy bite at 2:25 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
  • Now, don’t we all love a man who can work on a team? That just demonstrates how much he is willing to put into your marriage as he can work with other chefs in the kitchen. They say “Oh, Chef Mike, you have too many cooks in the kitchen,” well guess what? He’s adding one more, and it’s you baby girl (play “Gotta Be You” by One Direction, coincidentally his favorite song).
  • He has a really tall hat. What could he be hiding under there…? Remi the rat from the famous movie Ratatouille? A love letter for you? You’ll never know until you ask him.
  • Back to his chefing abilities: sandwich = amazing. I get a cool sub with hummus and veggies and it is quite yum! These options I am given! Overwhelming, yet powerful. I have the power to choose what goes into my sandwich, which really demonstrates Michael’s show-stopping ability to listen and learn. If your bae was unable to take what you wanted into account, would you really want them to be your bae? Yeah. Didn’t think so. 
  • HE IS FROM BROOKLYN. Meaning you could listen to “Brooklyn Baby” by Lana and think about him. Awwwww. That’s dreamboat behavior. 
  • Now, he is quite the breadwinner. He makes sandwiches with bread. In essence, he is the breadwinner. It’s clear as day.
  • Chef Mike wants you to fill your tummy with some good eats. He gives you a sub, chips, a drink, a dessert, and fruit, all for one swipe.

In defense of Chef Don:

  • Chef Don is a master of his craft and dedicates blood, sweat, and tears to being the best man he can be
    • After all, it takes discipline and strength to earn the title of “the fresh mozzarella king of new jersey”! 
  • Every time I have gone to chef don’s (3 times in total), he has always been there and HUSTLING in the kitchen
    • He is a humble king who is not above getting his hands greasy to help out his employees 
  • His commitment to his shop reflects the commitment he would have to you in a MARRIAGE!
  • He also would bring the DOUGH to the household (get it.. Pizza dough?? Haha… pls laugh) since he also devotes time to helping out at Chef Mike’s (putting the DI in DINK! Except he does have kids and cares for them deeply)
  • He does not mess around with portions. He wants to make sure that the swipe you use for his establishment is one worth your time and MONEY. You want a slice of pizza? Actually, take the whole box. Dessert? Take as many as you want. Craving some leafy greens? Get yourself a salad. He respects the balance and variety that should come in a meal swipe. Like the balance and variety that make for a long-lasting relationship!
  • He is Italian, meaning family is EVERYTHING to him. Perhaps even brotherhood…. but not in the mafia way. He does not believe in engaging in criminal activity. 
    • Fun fact: his senior yearbook quote was “There’s nothing stronger than family”- Vin Diesel

Who do YOU think is more hubby material? Provide your thoughts in the comment section below.

Image via Bwog Archives