Bwog reports on a stunning new shakeup in the landscape of journalism at Barnumbia.

CHEF DON’S PIZZA PI — Bwog has received exclusive reports that Bwog will be acquiring BuzzFeed News, the well-regarded news affiliate of the American digital media company BuzzFeed. The news comes after it was announced last week by BuzzFeed CEO Jonah Peretti that the company would begin to shut down BuzzFeed News operations amid vast layoffs and increased focus on operations of the Huffington Post, also owned by BuzzFeed.

Dating back to its breakthrough in the early-2010s, BuzzFeed News has been widely considered a reputable publication and has been known to be something of a maverick in the world of digital media publications with left-leaning audiences.

However, Bwog has learned via internal memos that Bwog will not conduct significant internal reorganization in the wake of the acquisition of BuzzFeed News. According to these memos, the staff of BuzzFeed News will not be assimilated into Bwog’s reporting operations; rather, it will exist as its own disparate branch of the publication, known as BuzzFeed News, which will devote its attention to exhaustive coverage of landscaping on Columbia’s campus. According to an internal memo circulated at Bwog prior to the finalization of the acquisition, “god fucking damnit the fucking tents are back I’m gonna kms we can’t let them win.” The memo goes on to elaborate that Bwog intends for BwuzzfeedNews to serve as a journalistic check on administration’s ability to override students and deny them critical services such as lawns and steps, the two things most sacred to Barnumbia students in the spring (the ones that go outside, at least).

In response to the news, outgoing Columbia President Lee C. Bollinger sent a statement to students via email celebrating the acquisition of BuzzFeed News. In full disclosure, it is the belief of Bwog’s editorial staff that this statement was issued prematurely as several parts of the statement appear unfinished, and, in fact, it appears that President Bollinger may have even been relying on a template to compose the message. Enclosed below is the message:

Dear fellow members of the Columbia community,

My time at the helm of Columbia University may be drawing to a close, but Jean and I are nevertheless delighted to hear the news of Bwog’s acquisition of BuzzFeed News. I have long respected the reporting done by BuzzFeed News, and I celebrate their commitment to exercising the freedom of the press.

Jean and I have long considered them a refreshing disruptor to traditional print media, and even after I have moved into a non-administrative capacity following the conclusion of this academic year, I look forward to observing BwuzzFeed News’ influence on the Columbia empire I have raised from the dirt and invigorated with the force of a thousand suns and the land and property of a thousand working-class New Yorkers.

Jean and I are delighted to welcome BwuzzFeed News to the Columbia community, and we look forward to the credibility they will contribute to what is effectively already the most credible publication on campus! We will tjkm

Jean and I are delighted that ___________

Jean and I are delighted that ___________

[ ————— closing message ——]


Lee C. Bollinger

President of Columbia University

It is also reported that the Columbia Spectator, a campus competitor of the Columbia Independent, submitted a bid to acquire the remnants of BuzzFeed News, but saw their overtures rejected by BuzzFeed ownership.

The cost of acquisition of BuzzFeed News is not yet known, but it is speculated to have included shares of grape stocks. 

Image via Bwog staff