Friends and llamas and tears, oh my!

Hey there! Nikki and Tal are back again by request of our loyal fans (#3 on trending, baby!), with even more incredible advice. We heard your questions, and we are here to quell your nerves. Have no fear.

“How do I become my Professor’s favorite?”

Oh, you should definitely just participate at LEAST three times per class—don’t worry if it feels like you’re talking over other people, you’re definitely not. You can always just repeat points your classmates are making! This works especially well if you’re a man. Your Professor (AND your peers) are guaranteed to love you. It’s a win-win!

“What are the best strategies for making new friends and building a social life on campus?”

Uhhh, you just gotta attract, my friend! If you aren’t making friends, perhaps consider completely re-inventing your personality? A little rebrand never harmed anyone!

“What’s the best way to sneak a llama into my dorm room for emotional support during finals week?”

Elevators exist for a reason, friend!

“I accidentally turned my laundry pink. How can I pass it off as a new fashion trend?”

Speaking from personal experience, you just have to throw a temper tantrum. Scream and cry and shriek about your ruined Columbia Basketball shirt until someone takes pity on you and trades you theirs. Note: “no crying over spilled milk” does NOT apply to pink clothes.

“How can I build strong relationships with professors and mentors on campus?”

Once again, crying does wonders for you. Some healthy tears during office hours will always make you and your professors besties!

“What should I dress up as for Halloween?”

You should pick your favorite philosopher and dress up as a slutty version of them, obviously! What else did you learn from the Core Curriculum?

“How can I navigate JJ’s without having a meltdown?“

So sorry my dear, but that might just be a lost cause. Try some square breathing. Xoxo.

“What are some effective time management techniques for students?”

Eat, pray, love. In doing so, you might even find yourself in Bali!

“What are some effective strategies for staying motivated and achieving academic success?”

Definitely don’t sleep. Make sure you’re getting those extra eight hours of sleep work in. Red bull is a great way to get you fueled up. Double up on that caffeine intake with a shot or two of espresso. Go to office hours to degrade yourself for praise and find the most toxic friend group. You can fix them and include that in your resume as community outreach. Best of luck!

“I want to create a secret society for lovers of obscure 19th Century poetry. How do I keep it under wraps?”

Doesn’t ADP already do this? Idk man, you seem like a copycat.

“What are some ways to get involved in research or other academic opportunities?”

As someone who’s been involved in research since freshman year, I only have one piece of advice for you: don’t reach out. By not reaching out to labs, they’ll think you’re actually so mysterious and totally NEED to have you. As you sit back and do absolutely nothing, watch as requests for you to join labs start rolling in. They’ll want you so bad. Trust.

Email tips@bwog.com for any future burning questions you may have.

Bad Advice via Bwog Staff