Enemies… to best friends?!

In what has been the world’s most interesting will-they-won’t-they of the 21st century, it can now be confidently said that President Rosenbury and Bwog have officially squashed our beef once and for all. An olive branch, guised as an invitation to Hex’s, was extended on her end and there has now never been a closer-knit group of friends than the staffers at Bwog and our favorite PresBury. Obviously, we at Bwog understand that our devoted fans have been on the edge of their seats waiting ever so patiently for an update on this situation. So, here is a play-by-play of how our newfound best friendship came to be.

September 23. A now famous date. The day in which Staff Writer Rory Collins (BC ‘27) was brave enough to share the truth about the crop heard around the world… that crop being her, out of President Rosenbury’s Instagram post. Bravely, the Bwog team hit publish on this post, knowing this may affect their reputation with the Barnard president forever. Minutes, hours, and days passed with no response from the office of PresBury. The world let out a breath of relief, no response had been given to this post. That is, until, the ding of a 7 am Gmail notification awoke all of Sulzberger Hall. This ding was that of an email from Kelli Murray, famed assistant to the aforementioned President. She was inviting members of Bwog on a sort of date, that is, a board game date, with her and PresBury. Ecstatic, Staff Writer Rory Collins (BC ‘27), Publisher Sophie Conrad (BC ‘25), and Social Media Editor Tal Bloom (BC ‘26), raced to respond with an enthusiastic YES!! And the rest… is history. History that will be explained further in the paragraph below, that is.

The festivities were set to begin at 7 pm on Tuesday, October 3. Dressed in their best garb, the Barnard students made their way to the cafe, knees quivering with nerves. PresBury arrived with her entourage, that of Kelli Murray and Dean Grinage, and the six made their way to the back room of Hex (admission fee paid by Rosenbury, BTW). Pro tip: if you ever find yourself in this exact situation, choose The Game of Life as your choice for the night. It shows a lot about someone, and initiates great conversation. Also, PresBury mentioned her favorite game was Scrabble, but the Bwog staffers were a bit too insecure in their spelling skills to attempt a game of that caliber. Unfortunately, Dean Grinage had to attend to other matters, so the five of us were left to play as a fivesome with our little cars and pegs. And the game began.

Ready for the quickest play-by-play in Bwog history? Set? Okay, GO! Rory, Tal, and Sophie chose for their cars to go down the college path, leading their pegs to the jobs of Engineer, Scientist, and Lawyer respectively. PresBury and Ms. Murray took a different route, that of career, and became both a Chef and a Social Media Influencer. Only Tal chose to get married in the game, if only to fill their car with more pegs for hope of a cash bonus at the end. In a similar situation, nobody else chose to have kids in their car but Tal either. She must have had money to spare, as children cost 50,000 each. President Rosenbury led a very eco-friendly life, investing in ocean cleanup and living in an Eco house (where Tal may or may not have been squatting). Ms. Murray struggled financially throughout the game due to the lack of funds rolling in during each of her paydays. Just another lesson on why we shouldn’t ALL try to be TikTok stars. Sophie led a tight ship as the banker, and her lawyer job had her rolling in dough as well. Rory gained two friends throughout her life, and they even ended up road-tripping together during an action card! Is this a metaphor for her and Presbury’s future life? Who’s to say… 

All in all, it was a lovely night filled with laughter and joy. Though originally in a bit of a tiff, Rory and President Rosenbury have officially been cropped back into each other’s lives. Yes, America, it’s true. PresBury has officially gotten the previously withheld Instagram follow, and the sun has never shone brighter. Children no longer cry, kenneled puppies no longer suffer, and Brooks has magically been cured of its asbestos problem all because of this newfound friendship. On the walk home, Tal, Sophie, and Rory skipped with glee. Barnard, and the whole Columbia community, can now be safe knowing that the cropping out of a student will never happen again. Or else, another board game night will have to be in order.

Besties at Hex & Co. via Author