I’m fine. This is fine. I love sewing.

In the past, Bwoggers have gone on a physical and spiritual expedition to stay in one place on campus for 12 hours. When they return, they have ascended to a higher form of their past selves. At Bwog meetings they are regarded with a sort of somber respect. They’ve done it! I, dear reader, am next.

Early last week I went to the Barnard Design Center’s safety training course. I got a little sticker. It was wild. Now that I am prepared to inhale fumes and fight the inevitable fire (I was not paying attention), I can go in there whenever I want!

The Barnard Design Center is the perfect space to spend 12 hours. The chairs: uncomfortable. The people: splashing paint all over the place. The air: fumes.

The only issue is that open hours are generally from 11 am to 8 pm. I’m an English major so feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe that that’s less than 12 hours. I so desperately want to join the ranks of the “12 Hour Sitting In One Place For A Bwog Article” champions that I worship. I’m willing to do anything.

10:59 am: In comfortable shoes and a shirt that allows for excellent arm mobility, I stand outside the Design Center with my nose up against the glass door.

11:00 am: A certified Barnard Design Center Staff Member walks up with a glorious key and unlocks the door. I push past them and sign into the room via mandatory QR code. I don’t love it, but I don’t want to get kicked out before achieving my Bwog dreams. I’d never be able to show my face on campus again. I must follow Design Center rules until it’s absolutely necessary to break them.

11:15 am: I’m so amazed by all of the things they have in the Design Center! I go around and touch each and every individual tool.

12:00 pm: PinkPantheress is blaring. I’ve gathered that one of the greatest joys of the Design Center is the inescapable soundtrack. As a community, we listen to “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer. I think it’s supposed to boost our creativity? Whatever the science behind the music is, it works damn it! Since entering I have screen printed 40 tote bags. I will not be sharing.

1:00 pm: I’m hungry. That’s a problem. I decide that I’ll 3D print myself some lunch.

2:00 pm: I try to tackle some sewing. The last time I successfully used a sewing machine, my grandmother was there to stop me from ruining everything. Naturally, she does not live in the Barnard Design Center. Unfortunately, the staff does not take kindly to me asking if they can pretend to be my grandmother.

3:00 pm: I sew!

4:00 pm: I break the sewing machine.

5:00 pm: I weld the sewing machine back together!

6:00 pm: I sew!

7:00 pm: I get bored of sewing so I use the seam ripper and un-sew everything that I’ve sewn so far.

7:55 pm: The Design Center closes in 5 minutes. It’s time for my maniacal plot. I army crawl to the fume hood and then, through an astonishing feat of strength and acrobatic flexibility, I manage to hide up there!

8:01 pm: The Barnard Design Center Staff Member walks over to the fume hood. They tell me that the Design Center is pretty small and that they very clearly saw the whole thing. They do not care very much about my maniacal plot. They tell me to lock up when I leave. I’m a little underwhelmed.

9:00 pm: Now that I’m free from being perceived by more talented crafters, I can do anything I want! It’s time. I’m gonna play with lasers.

10:00 pm: I have time for one final craft. It’s my magnum opus. I’m gonna print out every Bwog article that has ever been published and use the book binding kit to create one giant BWOG BOOK.

11:00 pm: Exhausted from a long day of playing with power tools and breaking Design Center laws, I’m ready to go home. I’m going home as a champion, a champion with several hot glue gun burns, but a champion nonetheless.

Header via Possibly Insane Author