Timothée Chalamet, unfortunately, is becoming outdated.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Paulina, Barnard, American Studies & Human Rights, San Antonio, TX 

Claim to fame: Retired Bwog News Editor, Barnard Writing Fellow, BSAR, and CJLC Editor, started drafting this Senior Wisdom on a Google Doc one year ago, forgot about it until last week. 

Where are you going? Wouldn’t you like to know! (Never far.) 

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2028? 

1. Institutions will consistently let you down. Community will not. Learn the difference early. 

2. There is a definitive hierarchy of Barnard work-study jobs. I could not possibly reveal the whole thing to you (some things can only be experienced, not taught), but the Writing Center is at the top. 

3. Unfortunately, the cliches are true: college is done before you know it. Be deliberate about making friends, making connections, pursuing interests, pursuing futures. Join clubs. Quit clubs! Try out classes from as many departments as you can. Go to every library on campus until you find the one that best fits your vibe. Talk to your professors, and your coworkers, and your front desk attendants. Explore neighborhoods outside of Morningside Heights. Just please—I ask, like the doomed oracle Cassandra—develop a workable personality before you get into student journalism. 

4. (Bonus): If you think you’re being effective at “speaking quietly” on the third floor of Milstein, I promise you’re not. I’m begging you to just go to a talking floor. 

“Back in my day…” You had to reserve individual seats in the libraries (and yes, there is a small part of me that sort of misses it). I spent mornings swiping professors into their own offices because they forgot to fill out CoVerified. 

Favorite Columbia lore? 

Above all, the US News and World Report scandal, and the Varsity Show about the US News and World Report Scandal. Honorable mentions to the theft of PrezBo’s 2021 Commencement cutout, Spec blaming Rihanna for gentrification, and the now-defunct Barnard first-year requirement “Big Problems: Making Sense of 2020,” which no linked article could do justice. 

What was your favorite class at Columbia? 

Nineteenth Century Thrillers with Monica Cohen. Intro to Greek Mythology with Darcy Krasne. US Era of Civil War and Reconstruction with Stephanie McCurry. The Battle for North America with Michael Witgen. Literally anything you can take with Frances Negron-Muntaner.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? 

We’re still doing this question? 

Whom would you like to thank? 

My parents. Olivia Appel. Shane Maughn and Brigid Cromwell for talking to me at a Bwog party when I was still too shy to talk to anyone else. Noah Baumbach’s Mistress America. Season 4 of Gossip Girl. All of the incoming Barnard first-years who reacted with blank stares when I tried incorporating jokes about former Columbia student Timothée Chalamet into my campus tours, for keeping me young. Anyone who has ever expressed “euphoria” levels of anger in the comments section of a Bwog theatre review. EIC Sahmaya Busby, for everything. 

One thing to do before graduating: All of it! You have so much time. 

Any regrets? 

None. Well, except maybe interviewing Laura Rosenbury last year. Laura, if you’re reading this, please stop trying to wave at me in the tunnels. It’s getting embarrassing for everyone involved. 

Paulina via Jessica Samudio