Tread lightly first-years… the dating scene at Columbia is, well, something to behold. 

Here are a few tips and tricks I, and many others, had to learn the hard way. Godspeed soldiers! Disclaimer: many of these are generalized dating rules and don’t apply to every relationship—I am just remarking on some common trends.

1. NSOP relationships usually suck. The difference of eligible people from high school to college is strong enough to give you whiplash, so it’s understandable you’ll want to take full advantage of the dating pool. However, don’t fixate too hard on that first person you connect with. Remember you also have to make platonic friends, start off on the right foot in your classes, etc.

2. WTF is a situationship? You’re probably already familiar with this term. If you haven’t, what it means is something in between a relationship and hook-up situation (i.e., you’re going through the motions of a relationship but are non-committal, aren’t labeling things, and likely aren’t exclusive). The prevalence of situationships seems abnormally high at Columbia. You are not immune from the propaganda of that scary blurred line between talking stage and full-blown dating. Chances are, you’re gonna fall for it. And it’s gonna be bad. I can only emphasize how much you need to cut it off before your mental health begins to dip. Around a month is a good time span. After that, either you date, or cut it off! It may sound scary, but if you’re blunt and establish boundaries and labels quick and up front, it’ll save you from a lot of pain. An example of what this may look like is: “Hey, romantic stuff and labels are weird, but I’ve liked being around you so far and want to take some time to evaluate where this goes. Just for the sake of feelings, do you want to stay exclusive for now and maybe in two weeks we can have a conversation about labeling things and whether or not we think we’d be a good fit?” Of course alter that based on your situation, but be honest about how you feel and what you want! 

3. Seeing ex-situationships on campus. It’s really hard to act nonchalant about running into someone you had a past with, romantic or not. However, this is simply one thing you have to deal with on a small campus like Columbia’s. To avoid severe psychological damage by walking past someone you abhor on College Walk, try to break up amicably and stay friendly. At least at the point where you don’t feel the need to wring each others’ throats.

4. The queer dating scene. This is more of an issue at Barnard, but applies to all schools. Be prepared for everyone to know your business, who you hooked up with at this party, that party, where, when, why. Queer people love to gossip, and trust me, words spread like wildfire on this campus. That weird sexual experience you had that you told to a few people will soon stretch far and wide.

5. Dating apps. Most of the time, these are abysmal. The top 10 worst moments of my life have been recognizing people I see on Hinge around campus and having them recognize me back. Hinge and Tinder seem like their own little bubbles, but it’s quickly popped when the screen turns into reality. But sometimes, it can be a good way to reconnect with someone that caught your eye before, but never had a chance to pursue! Some people who want to get out there also make a point to only swipe on people from other schools, so that’s also an option. 

6. Don’t ignore red flags. Everyone has a different definition of a “red flag.” But some are just universal. Trust your friends when they tell you something is off about a person. The people you become close with at Barnumbia are some of the most emotionally intelligent people you will ever meet, so their advice is key.

7. When do I cut it off? In a situationship, real relationship, etc., there comes a point where you need to move on. If you are losing sleep over a person, if they’re distracting you from schoolwork, if they make you question your self worth: run. You need to take care of yourself. 

8. You do not need to be in a relationship to be happy. College is about learning new things about yourself, and investigating those areas that intrigue you. If a significant other is preventing you from doing so, maybe lay off the romantic relationships for a while. Learn about your authentic self! Don’t feel the need to hook up with or date someone right away. A great relationship feels like an amazing addition to your life, not draining or all-consuming. 

9. If you want to be in a relationship of any kind, the Columbia dating scene will make you feel hopeless. It’s just inevitable. Know that everyone else is going through the same thing and have low expectations up front. However, in many cases, the moment when you stop trying to find that perfect person will lead right to the moment when they come into your life. Let the universe do its work, and relax. You have your whole life ahead of you. 

Good luck!

The Columbia dating scene via Wikimedia and Bwog Staff