Whoever you are, I am so sorry. 

It’s finals season at Columbia. It’s that time when study space becomes more valuable and less attainable than at any other time during the year. I’ve booked a study room online, as one needing to lock in for their finals does. I see that it’s booked before me. I pray that I won’t have to kick someone out (even though it’s mostly inevitable). I patiently wait until my time. I approach the door. With horror, I see a familiar face.  

I have kicked this person out of a study room at least three separate times this semester. I have encountered them in study rooms in Uris, Butler, and Milstein. For some reason, I always have the same room right after them. I have erased their beautiful whiteboard notes and interrupted meetings. We have encountered each other multiple times walking around campus but have never acknowledged each other. At this point, it’s getting to be weird. 

What does one do in this situation? It is a horrifyingly anxious experience. It is extremely normal to have to ask someone to leave a study room, but increasingly bizarre that it is the same person every time. I debate with myself. Do I knock? Do I leave? I have the room reserved, but the guilt is eating me alive. I need to study, but I feel like a terrible person. I spend five minutes mentally warring with myself. Maybe they will get up and leave without having to knock. Maybe I can just wait. So, I stand by the door and loiter. 

It is five minutes past my reservation time. They are not leaving. There are no seats left in the library. I accept my fate. 

I peer through the window and knock. We make eye contact. I see the recognition on their face. This is so awkward. How are we on the same schedule? We don’t even know each other. They approach the door. Luckily, they don’t say anything. They ask if I have this room reserved. I cringe and nod. They stare at me. What else can I do but stare back? Finally, they say okay and let me in. 

But then, they ask, “Can I stay for another 10 minutes? I have to finish some work. I’ll leave as soon as I’m done.”

I feel even more guilty. I have kicked them out of study rooms too many times. The least I can do is let them stay a little longer to compensate for the weirdness. That is how I ended up sharing a study room with the person who I keep kicking out of study rooms. Neither of us acknowledges it. We sit there in silence until they start packing. They get up to leave. Are we going to talk about the elephant in the room? 

I say, “Well, this isn’t the first time we’ve done this.”

They look at me and say, “Yeah.”

I think I made it even more awkward. Oops. They leave. I get my study room but pray that I never see them again. But in our mutual academic desperation, who knows? We may meet again before finals are over. 

Milstein Library via Bwarchives