Some of these could be East Coast culture. Most of it is private school, hoity-toity, “outside of my tax bracket” culture. I don’t know, I miss In-N-Out and my beautiful 70-degree climate.

Each morning, I put on my uniform for class: two pairs of socks, fleece-lined leggings under my pants, eczema cream, and a puffer that swallows me whole. Ah, good ol’ New York City tundra. A constant reminder of how not cut out for this shit I am. Where are my light hoodies in the dead of winter? Will I ever get to enjoy froyo in February again? It is easy to feel out of place when I see my friends basking in the beautiful California sun, but that’s not the only reminder that I’m far from home. I truly love this city but it’s hard not to notice that I have entered a world where people don’t say “Good morning” on the sidewalk and open-toe shoes never see the light of day. To reflect on this otherworldly experience, I have compiled a list of niche trends, interesting behaviors, and more that I’ve noticed in my first year at CC.

The Long-Sham Bag

Oh my bad, you don’t know French—The Longchamp bag. These things have taken over our campus and probably the entirety of the Northeast. I’d seen the Longchamp before I knew what it was called and I understand why it’s well-liked. It does look practical and spacious. What shocked me, however, was that this luxury bag often appears to be the norm in my classes. I thought people were still bringing Jansport backpacks to school but everywhere I look, I’m met with a Longchamp of a new color or size. And where are the charms or personality on them? People will probably say their “frontal lobe just developed” and that “quiet luxury” is where it’s at. If you ask me, we’re turning into millennials more than we’d like to admit.

Row, Row, Row Your Boat

What the fuck is rowing? Is it not the same as paddling? And no, I don’t pay much attention to the Olympics, so that does not help. The West Coast has an ocean for water sports just as much as the East, but this is all brand new to me. Plus, I’ve heard plenty of people raving about Columbia’s rowing team but it escaped my attention that this is considered a hot person sport. Where I come from, I’m not sure that rowing attire is deemed sexy, but to each their own! Like I said, I hardly understand what it is but it feels exclusive to the East Coast. Squash is on the same level since both sports are played by obnoxious, khaki-wearing men, so it can get grouped in here too.

Buttoned To The TOP…

You know those stereotypical high school movies where the bullies circle their victim, pointing and laughing menacingly while the misfit cries in fear? That would be me if I wore a trench coat in my California hometown—specifically the insane ones that flap in the wind, not the cute “office siren” kind. Barnumbia students pull up in masses to their lectures dressed like Inspector Gadget and I’m expected to believe this is normal. It’s also freezing outside and you’re choosing this full-on cape to keep you warm? Give it a rest, please.

Uber Everywhere – MadeinTYO

I hope the title of this one transported you back into 2016. I am extremely curious as to how my fellow classmates can afford a 50-dollar Uber from their dorm to every function, then to the post-function meal, and back to campus again. I think I felt my pockets flinch while typing that out. Coming from California, I mentally prepared myself to understand how to be a respectful transplant, not an entitled one. As it turns out, many people act too entitled to take public transportation anyway. $5.80 round-trip on the subway is outrageous, so I can’t fathom paying more unless you’re completely hopeless or coming from the airport.

City That Never Sleeps

Once I step off the plane and onto New York soil, all the understanding of the time I once had ceases to exist. People don’t value sleep as much as they do back home, which is unsurprising for an Ivy League school, but still disappointing. I miss my relaxed, two-nap-per-day lifestyle. Even on a New Yorker’s most free day, I’ll see them posting a “day in my life” that includes a 7 am pilates session, an eight-hour work day, and a meal in every borough. Where are you finding the time and energy? Let me know.

Fashion Speed Run

I’m not going to bore you with a paragraph for every clothing trend I’ve noticed sweeping the halls of Barnumbia, but I will list a few more:

• Thick ass scarf. You look warm and I’m jealous. Where did your neck go?
• Goyard bag. We can tell it’s from Canal Street. Please stop making all of the transplants look stupid because you don’t realize that it’s fake.
• Beautiful person boots. If you own a pair of moto boots, you are beautiful. Love to see it.

Nonetheless, one trend persists from west to east and everywhere in between. One foundational pattern dates back to time immemorial in which the two rival coasts find common ground: one can always find a white man wearing shorts and slides in the dead of winter.

Peaked In High School Final Boss

We’ve reached the end of the list (for now), so I saved the worst for last. Nothing screams Columbia student to me like keeping the name of your high school in your Instagram bio. You don’t go there anymore. This is almost always a boarding school and more than likely a New England feeder school. It’s even worse when listed above the four cities you claim ties to. For example, claiming “LA/DTX/NYC/NJ” but they are really from Delaware.

Golden Gate Bridge via Author