For the record, I’m normally a good poet. But today, I’ve decided to change that up.

I have never perfected the art of haikus, and frankly, I still haven’t. I’ve probably even messed up the rules here. But in the throes of procrastinating studying for my midterms, I’ve developed a new habit: composing bad poetry. Here are some I’ve made about this school and all its eccentricities! And don’t worry—I’m not a creative writing major.

montaigne python

I’ll start like Montaigne:

but a humble writer, please

ignore (don’t really).

dog days are here to stay

Dear dogs on campus,

I love you so much—please come

back and never leave.

my socks are so freaking wet.

Puddles on the way

to Dodge drown my shoes. Fix your

paths, Columbia.

whether weather

We say we have free

will, but then, “Low Steps today?”

It’s sunny outside.

baby it’s hot inside

Melting like Olaf;

why are all these classrooms so

swelteringly hot?

an ode to faculty house brownies

I hope to one day

love someone as much as I

love Fac House brownies.

get a room

You’re grown up—how do

you miss the toilet seat, aim

wrong every time?

bedrot

JJ’s, you are my

Romeo; I’m Juliet.

You always save me.

do i download hinge?

It’s as hard to find

love here, as to find a seat

in Butler Main Room.

columbia students don’t know how to read

If The Atlantic

were right, then I wouldn’t have

to read lithum books.

life coaching

Take life slow! Like the

Hamilton elevator

(steady wins the race).

on poetry

Marie, Sor Juana, 

Ibn Arabi, you have

inspired me: write!

Well, I hope that cheered you up like it did me! If not, maybe it just helped you procrastinate, and that’s okay, too.

Header via Bwarchives