@anonymous As one of many who came before you who helped pave the path, I am dismayed. Live your own life? By all means. Treat others with casual disregard or outright derision? Maybe you can get away with that now, but as soon as you leave school you’re in for a rude awakening. Which is good, because you need one very badly.

@CC Alumnus You made a critical error in preparing your analysis: you assumed she was addressing all men, rather than the misogynists who believe a woman’s attention and sexuality most properly belong to them. Do yourself a favor (and I mean this earnestly) and reread your post, noting each vocalization of your misogyny (e.g. “old bag of skin,” “this chick,” “honey”) and consider just why it is you feel so threatened by a woman who doesn’t think it’s incumbent upon her to impress you or serve you.

@Open Letter to "Feminist" Gender Supremacists BWOG and Columbia: thanks for continuing to unabashedly glorify man-hatred under the pretenses of touting women’s rights. Just think for one second how pathetic and despicable the article would read if the genders were reversed – I imagine the smuggest liberals of Morningside Height’s would already be in cardiac arrest.

The opprobrium you have wrought in me through the hypocrisy of modern “feminism” has come to a boil. The writer’s unapologetic smugness, entitlement and egotistical bile makes it impossible for me to contain my hatred any longer. She exemplifies the type of person I hate – it is as if one were to combine the essence of cat shit, 9/11, the Disney Channel and a Tina Fey / Hitler Siamese Twin.

Yes, for four years, I have inured your shame tactics. I have been told to feel ashamed by women I have never met just for my maleness. With few exceptions, I have been forced – with no outlet – to endure your sexism. This article is the final straw. Although the end result of my indictment is particularly lengthy, I mean each and every word.

From this article, it is clearer than ever that the goals of the feminist movement are not to achieve gender equality but to belittle men and assert female dominance (“Alpha”). In fact, there are so many examples of self-entitlement in the article it is only by walking through every sentence of the article that I can satisfactorily parse the truly vomit-inducing, spiteful diatribe she has coughed up. Although it is a particularly painful exercise to wade through the garbage she has snotted onto the page, the palpable and contemptible ignorance of the piece compels me to do so.

——————–

They call it a “darty” (a daytime party), and the one he begged us to come to at his frat last weekend was as laughable as the thought of being washed up at 21.

[ Why would he ever beg you to come when it is so glaringly obvious your personality as about as appealing as an AIDS auction ]

The Koronet’s guys know our names. We can shotgun faster than any Delta Sig, and while our skinny jeans aren’t as tight as theirs, they’re harder to get into. Veni, vidi, vici. We came, we pre-gamed, and we hope you didn’t exhaust your right hand playing pong.

[ If “exhausting your right hand” is a sexual reference, then it is apparent you derive your power through sexually frustrating men. This implies you view yourself in exactly the OPPOSITE way that feminism claims to champion – women as non-sexual objects. But clearly, in with-holding the one asset you prize yourself on, you achieve dominance. That shows you feel you have nothing else of merit to contribute ]

SWUG? No. We’re the girls who rejected you before your interviewers did. We don’t Lean In—we sit at the head of the table.

[ So clearly, feminism is no longer about achieving equality. It’s about achieving dominance. I’m reading your sexism loud and clear. Yet, you’re excused for your blatant misandry because BWOG and all you fuckers view this mentality as “forward-thinking.” It’s no better than justification for enslaving black people on the grounds that they are “sub-human” and less-deserving. ]

The embrace of #swuglife is as amusing as the source of its etymological origin. Of course, one should expect nothing less from girls who choose to spend their weekends kissing frogs at Toad’s. Partaking in SWUGhood must feel like plunging into the excrement of Dante’s third circle.

[ So engaging in pleasurable behavior between two consenting parties is plugging into the excrement of Dante’s third circle? Right… In shaming sex, you are only sabotaging what could be a win-win situation. Perhaps, this is why you feel so unfulfilled emotionally. ]

Enter the SNAG. Senior Not Amused Girl.

[ Because the only way to command respect is to treat others apathetically! Sounds like you should repeat Kindergarten as you seemed to have missed that lecture on the golden rule ]

Who is the SNAG? She’s the girl who promised she would never go on another date with a college boy, but now finds herself entertaining texts from the senior she’ll unavoidably reject. She thinks this is funny.

[ So it’s COMPLETELY FINE, even LAUGHABLE for you to act like a jerk to men but not vice-versa? That logic is about as sound-proof as a woman who whines that her neighbors are stealing vegetables from her garden but brags about the livestock she has pilfered from the same neighbors. ]

Sure, she danced on the bar in his frat’s basement, while watching him slip his hand under that freshman’s BCBG bandage skirt. He sent her a 3 AM Snapchat anyway, and unfortunately for the freshman, it lasts just as long as he does.

[ NICE! Let’s sexually shame men while we’re at it! Because this is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT than saying “her tits are too small” or “she’s so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.” No, it’s perfectly fine to objectify and belittle men and not vice-versa. Fuck you.]

But unlike the SWUG, there’s more to the SNAG than male-centric (in)validation.

Guys are one facet of SNAG life, as is white wine, sarcasm, and testing boundaries.

[ Testing boundaries… as if playing with the emotions of your supposed “oppressors” makes them the cruel ones? And wow, your apathy and sarcasm makes you sound so cool! ]

The SNAG begins her day with Bloomberg TV, The New York Times, and Gawker… obviously.

[ Gawker. Thanks for lending credence to your already sound-proof platform of heralded sexism ]

Her interests include apathy, apartment hunting, online shopping, and happy hour. The SNAG loves spending time with her fellow SNAGs. She has found valuable and fulfilling friendships amongst her peers. With them, she enjoys Breakfast at Tiffany’s and lunch at Fred’s. The SNAG does her homework when she deems it interesting. And when it’s not, you can find her bronzing on the Steps, brunching at Community, and being a bad ass betch.
Do not expect the SNAG to stay put for long as she is eccentric, with a proclivity for impromptu trips and bursts of spontaneity.

[ Misery loves company and her echo chamber affirms her pathetic belief system. Apparently, this chick believes she is the most interesting girl in the world, when the lack of evidence of anything redeeming about her character points the contrary. This is like a 75 pound, 11 year old girl who truly believes she could thrash Joe Foreman in the ring, even though refuses to put that theory to the test, or has every fought in her life. But her sense of entitlement allows her to impute all the glory to her name, despite never having earned a shred of honor. To make matters worse, this particular passage is rife with hipster nonsense” ]

As for finding a husband while still in school… has Patterson recently visited an Ivy League campus and interacted with the “men” here?

[ A better question would be have you even interacted with the MEN here? Because it sure sounds like you haven’t, otherwise you wouldn’t be making such an ill-informed blanket statement. Again, this prompts another “fuck you” for your blind, hypocritical presumptuousness.]

The SNAG enjoys mutual respect and mature company. The SNAG does not allow herself to be treated poorly. Unfortunately, that’s all most guys her age know how to do.

[ All guys her age. Right. Honey, there’s a reason why you’re clearly so bitter. It’s that you’re the problem and not the men. There are plenty of happy couples on this campus who stand in stark contrast to your self-pitying, defeatist hyper-generalizations ]

From ignoring her in public to parading around with downgrades,

[ Your superiority complex is worthy of praise from even the likes of Kim Jung Il. Again, why is it that you think you deserve someone that isn’t the same caliber of dogshit mixed with anal warts as you are? Believing the world owes you something without grounds for the belief. That is entitlement. You are everything that is wrong with the world. ]

the modern day university man is more of a caricature than a thoughtful suitor. The SNAG wishes this weren’t true, but she has been disappointed far too many times. She doesn’t think she’s inherently better than the freshmen or the boys, she just knows better.

[ No, I’m fairly sure you DO think your better. You just spent the last four paragraphs ranting on and on about why you’re so great and men are so unworthy ]

The SNAG sets her own standards. For some, hooking up may not happen until she’s in a committed relationship. For others, it may happen within 30 seconds of a drunken bar interaction or a Heights margarita. Regardless, she decides who and what she wants, and she gets “it” on her terms, when she wants. She doesn’t allow anyone to decide this for her, especially not a college boy who openly describes her female peers as having been through the “meat grinder.” She’ll politely decline; her Louboutins only take her as far as Meatpacking.

While there may be a liter of Yellowtail in the fridge, everything about her demeanor implies top shelf. She regularly wears Greek letters, but the only one of true import is “Alpha.”

[ Alpha. We get it. Why do you continually need to keep reminding us that you think highly of yourself?? Could it be, dare say, that you only do so as you are insecure of your own self-image? No, couldn’t be. The need to continually reaffirm yourself is not like the fucking epitome of insecurity, is it?? ]

***

She met the Columbia 3L on a rooftop during a Bacchanal after party, where he bored her with stories of his alma mater in New Haven until she sent him to fetch more beers. He returned with a penchant for conversation.

[ He probably left to get more beers because the only way to tolerate her lack of conversation is to imbibe. That way, he can pretend she’s interesting even if she clearly does not contribute anything of value to the conversation. Or contribute anything of value, ever. I cannot wait until this girl turns thirty and she wakes up desperate and alone. Looks fade, and in its place, misery and mid-life crisis shall set in. ]

“So at Yale, a lot of the girls would call themselves SWUGs. Have you heard of that?”
“Yes. I’m a SNAG though.”
“I don’t know what that means, but I definitely agree.”

[ By SNAG, he suspects she means Shallow Nasty Arrogant Girl ]

***

Even if she goes out every day that ends in “y,”

[ Nice attempt at humor. I’d give it a 2/10 ]

you can rest assured that after a few drops of Visine and an Oren’s soy latte,

[ Oh, Oren’s soy latte. You must be the spitting image of interesting, sophisticated and worldy. I bet you have so many important gender studies lectures to attend. ]

she’ll be bright-eyed and sharp-tongued in your morning seminar. She’ll openly correct your interpretation of trickle-down economics and destroy your half-ass argument, making you turn as bright as the pastel polo you’re attempting to pull off in Hamilton.

[ Just because you’ll make minimum wage and live with a roommate in a roach-infested flat in Brooklyn until some sorry sucker decides to take you under his wing since your gender studies degree your dad paid for turned out to be a bad investment, doesn’t mean that you can belittle the productive class of society. You exemplify why there is an income inequality in the first place. For some reason, you don’t realize the irony of texting your fellow SLUGs about your occupy bullshit on the iPhone you bedazzled with fake rhinestones. Perhaps, one day you’d realize you’d be living in a stone hut if it weren’t for the hard-working peers your so keen on discrediting. Yes, you say you’re a fan of economic equality, but everyone is better off with the inventions from the productive class, like the polio vaccine. No one is better off with your interpretative dance lessons to underprivileged kids in Africa. Read a fucking economics book before you again assert your uninformed, entitled views in stark contrast to any evidence to confirm your theories. Noticing a trend here in your thinking]

Leave the lettered pinnie in the brownstone; you know that you’re not even close to getting any playing time. She’s interested in neither you, your Eskimo bros, or the less-than-thrilling games you want to play.

[ Again, you act as if you’re the prize. As if he’s clearly vying for your attention. Even in the face of a complete lack of evidence to support your theory. Perhaps, you’ve misinterpreted the stink eye as a come-on? ]

The SNAG acts as if she sits on an Iron Throne, even when her castle is 209. Her domain is Morningside, her ale of choice a Lionshead draft from Mel’s.
[ Lionshead beer! You must be so different and interesting! More feeble attempts to hide behind a hipster front due to a lack of anything of value that you can contribute.. ]

She can seamlessly weave 2Chainz and Dostoevsky into a conversation, making you walk away thinking “she’s diffrent.” And that’s because she is. Not everyone can be a SNAG, and for that she thanks the SWUGs. Those who know, know.

[ You clearly know – eternal source of wisdom. You’re prudence is about as useful as a tarot card reader to a bomb defuser. You may think you have some sort of mystical powers, but you should probably leave the real work to those who do and not speak. ]

SNAG is not merely an acronym; it’s a lifestyle. It is a self-awareness that comes with growing up, recognizing your worth, and making sure the people in your life deserve to be there in the first place.

[ Deserve to be in your life? Nobody deserves the torture that is your company ]

SNAGs don’t need to rely on a faulty confidence contingent on their male peers, because they have learned to rely on themselves and those they respect and care for. #SNAGsNotSWUGs.

See you at Senior Night.

[ I’ll see you at senior citizen’s night, too. You’ll be the old bag of skin, slowly dying alone in the corner of the room, watching re-runs of girls. You’ll have no grand-children, husband or family to visit you – for all your highfalutin, it is unfortunate that everyone realized you were a bag of hot air, and like the hindenberg, bound to sink into oblivion. The worst part of it all will be even till your last dying day, as your final breath flees from your cracked, unkissed-lips, you’ll still believe that your alienation was everyone else’s fault but your own. ]

—–

Closing comments:

Perhaps, the reason why you are incapable of having a meaningful relationship is because you give no one – even yourself – a chance. You alone are at fault for your own shortcomings. In freely stereotyping men a priori, you are akin to the hunter who shoots a deer, and leaves the carcass to waste because the last deer meat she ate was rotten. Now both parties are left unsatisfied because of your obstinance.

You also seem to be far too cocksure that only women can be oppressed. But statistics point to the contrary. In fact, in America, more men than women are raped annually, by virtue of prison rape. And 1/6 men are sexually abused. Yet where are the “I am a woman and I… [sexually abuse men]” propaganda posters all over campus. Kinda like the ones you “feminists” force us to read.

Here are some more issues confronting men which feminism seems so keen on glossing over:

List of ways women oppress men:

1. Men are significantly more likely to be the victims of violent crime (of which rape is included) than women.

2. Despite domestic violence being equally committed by women, for the most part only male perpetrators are arrested:

3. The feminist definition of domestic violence has skewed arrest and prosecution philosophies, resulting in having mostly male batterers criminally pursued, and female batterers left alone.

4. It is legal to circumcise male babies against their will. In some places, laws have been passed which forbid any attempts to make male circumcision illegal. Meanwhile, female circumcision is completely illegal, even though some types of female circumcision are equivalent in harm to male circumcision, and other types (a symbolic prick to draw blood) are non-harmful.

5. Men comprise 95% of workplace deaths.

6. Men commit suicide at over triple the rate that women do.

7. The vast majority of prisoners are men.

8. Men are doing worse in all aspects of the educational system, from kindergarten to university.

9. Men who are falsely accused of rape can have their names published and their lives ruined even if they are not convicted or charged – their accuser is protected and is likely to face no punishment, or a light one.

10. Reproductive rights. Men have none.

11. Parental rights. Men have virtually none. See below.

A woman can name any man she likes as the father, he gets a letter in the mail, if he does not prove he isn’t the father within 30 days—(suppose the letter gets lost by the USPS?)—he is now the father and must pay. He cannot contest it.

A boy who is the victim of statutory rape must pay child support to his rapist.

A man who is raped while unconscious must likewise pay child support.

A man who fathers a child and wishes to take custody may have his child adopted out against his will and essentially kidnapped

12. The majority of homeless are men.

13. Despite men’s need being arguably greater than women, government spending to help women is 10 to 100 times greater than that to help men. That figure is unrelated to medical spending.

14. In 2009/2010 it was $1,516,460 toward men and $57,562,373 toward women. In 2010/2011 it was $3,740,800 toward men and $48,331,443 toward women. In 2008/2009 the province dedicated $561,360 toward men’s resources and $98,983,236 toward women’s resources. (figures are for British Columbia, Canada, but representative of Western society).

15. Female-owned businesses get free government money for literally no reason other than being a woman (i.e. all other factors are equal, same size of business, same income, etc. etc. but the owner’s gender is different = money or no money.

16. On some airlines, men were banned from sitting next to kids on airplanes, simply because they were men. Why? Because men are pedophiles, obviously. This ban remains on some airlines, such as Air New Zealand.

17. Under a recent federal directive, men are convicted of rape in university campuses if the investigating board finds that the chances they committed the rape are at 50.00001% or greater.

18. The DOE policy in practice: Caleb Warner was accused of rape and expelled from the University of North Dakota, then his accuser was charged with filing a false report. He remains expelled as of June 2011.

19. Selective service. Enough said.

@wow If you don’t know why this is actually the worst, you need to re-examine what Columbia has taught you.

@Anonymous Oh god that was fucking painful.