Just (nakedly) chillin with fam…in a vegetable

Lately, it’s seemed like everything has been topsy-turvy. Babies are just hanging out in pumpkins, parents are eating at Hewitt, and random women are getting pepper-sprayed on the subway (although that might just be an #onlyinNewYork kind of thing). We know it’s been weird, but allay your fears with some field notes. As always, send in anything you want to share to tips@bwog.com.

Perversions of Nature

• “My bf is visiting this weekend and I’m currently SICK with a FEVER.”
• Related: “My bf and I fought and are no longer. I’m a single bitch.”
• Also: “My mom and I fought and if she could break up with me she probably would.”
• “Planning to make a pumpkin bong with my suitemates.”
• “Trying vegan yogurt and it’s disturbingly delicious.”
• “Today my parents ate lunch at Hewitt.”
• “A couple of Jewish guys were going up the stairs from Hewitt at the same time as I was leaving dinner. I overheard them saying that they thought the closest men’s bathroom was on the third floor, and helpfully pointed out the bathroom in the basement, literally ten seconds from the dining hall.”

When Midterms Break You

• “Columbia encapsulated: saw someone getting CAVA’d at Carman before a couple of girls walked by talking about AP scores.”
• “Was so drunk last night that I got into my first real fight with my friends here because they wouldn’t let me grab my backpack before we ate our Koronets in McBain (actual quote from me: “You don’t know what it’s like to live the Amsterdam life”) then felt so guilty that I started hysterically drunk crying in front of all of them. tl;dr my biology midterm BROKE me yesterday.”
• “Currently playing a game of Assassins/The Hunger Games with my Carman floor and sitting in public is incredibly stressful in case somebody from my floor comes by.”
• “Said hi to someone I thought i knew on stairs to Hewitt but i think it was a stranger. Then ran into someone who said hi to me (by name) and I was like idk who you are. I’m 100% sober rn.”

Just New York Things

• “Someone is SMOKING weed in the cathedral like gtfo idiots have some respect for the holy space.”
• “And Moon Hooch is now cooking socca in the nave.”
• “Met Maggie Stiefvater a few minutes ago, and now I’m just sitting in a corner internally screaming.”
• “While I was on the train this crazy lady got into my car, PEPPER-SPRAYED a random girl, and then ran out. The train was delayed for half an hour.”
• “At a “Halloween” party at SigNu and a rando freshman asked me what my all-black costume was and I drunkenly said “depression/soph slump”. And then he jokingly said he was gonna tip me to Bwog for “making fun of mental health.” I SCREECHED “I AM BWOG.”
• “Just had an epiphany about my NaNoWriMo novel for this year, but all my writing friends are in class and I have nobody to shout to.”
• “There is a couple literally dancing and skipping down Broadway and trying to interact with me and I am literally listening to the Smiths and not having any of it.”
• “Dad paid for my glass of Chardonnay at Community last night but got upset that they didn’t card me.”
• Additionally: “My mom snuck me absinthe at Sleep No More and we got busted. They didn’t really care…also absinthe is so good.”
• “I was at the 1020 & tried to use my debit card & waitress told me there was a minimum & I told her that was illegal (debit card minimums are illegal). Then she said it was just her boss’s policy. Ended up ordering two drinks.”
• “Saw a guy my age use a Walkman un-ironically.”
• “At Le Monde I ordered using the French name on the menu & the waiter didn’t understand and then he brought the wrong dish. If ur pretending to be French like—why.”
• “Saw a real life couple form on the subway when two strangers started to talk about music. The woman desperately called out to the guy (as he stepped out of the car) to look her up on Facebook.”
• “Thought I saw pigeon man walking past butler w/ a bird on his head but I looked again and it was just a man bun.”
• “My RA messaged me freaking out about why we hadn’t posted about VShow yet (which I just saw this morning because I went to bed early) and I was like…literally why do theater kids think they’re so damn important!!!!!!!!”