A tree spouting beer: first-year rapscallions or a perversion of nature?

With finals fast approaching (Oh, hi research paper we never started!!), we observe that the student populace is more receptive to the unnatural melding of the organic (alive, productive) with the inorganic (inanimate, rotting). Below, behold some examples. And as always, send in any contributions to tips@bwog.com or through our anonymous tip form. 

The Organic

• “Saw Lin-Manuel Miranda perform in tights during Ham4Ham and almost passed out.”
• “My roommate who went to Crew Ball: ‘I finished my first drink before I checked my coat.'”
• “Don’t remember how I got back to my room last night.”
• “Fairly certain I told everyone on Bwog I loved them.”
• “Went to a Christian group’s event and actually kind-of enjoyed it (and not just because of the free hot chocolate).”
• Related: “Went to my first Shabbat dinner in like 6 years. It was really fun! We ate lasagna.”
• And: “Also attended synagogue for first time since bat mitzvah season at my middle school.”
• “Crashed a Carman party, but don’t really remember it.”
• “Showed up late to something I planned. Twice.”
• “Probably infected a whole bunch of people at a party on Saturday night.”
• A continuation: “Used almost an entire box of tissues in one day.”
• “Tried to help my parents resolve their argument while hungover in bed, failed again.”
• “Became convinced I was going to get a stoma (one of those holes in one’s throat) from smoking.”
• “Bought a real Apple phone charger instead of a shitty knockoff on Amazon for the first time.”
• “Had the most embarrassing encounter of my life with a French exchange student from my theatre class whilst high… saw her in Morton Williams and hugged her for TOO LONG and it was just yikes.”
• “Got a $5 psychic reading in Chelsea; she told me I’d live until 89 and that I should be pre-med (?!?!).”
• “Remember asking a friend if he had read anything by Susan Sontag and it took him like 5 years to tell me no.”
• And: “Finished a book by Susan Sontag and even though it was really short I felt good about it.”
• “My best friend randomly showed up outside my dorm with someone I assume is her boyfriend. Otherwise a male professional slept on my floor.”
• “Decided I’m going to be an au pair abroad this summer and not get an internship. Spent 4 hrs on aupairworld.com instead of doing homework; still haven’t found a host family.”

The Inorganic

• Point: “Cited Spec in my P3 research paper.”
• Counterpoint: “Cited Bwog in my P3 research paper.”
• “Drank about 1/3 of a bottle of Jäger in a night.”
• “Woke up on Sunday sick, hungover, and Ready to Die.”
• “Knocked over my plant so there’s a ton of soil all the side of my bed.”
• “Dipped peanut butter pretzels in soy ice cream and was convinced that was the smartest thing like Ever.”
• “Went to go see the Rockefeller tree all lit up, but showed up at 3 am to find that the tree has a curfew and they turn the lights off every night.”
• “Spent most of a party silently in the corner thinking about my anger and fear towards men.”
• “Lent my lighter to a friend and when I woke up in the morning it was on my desk—I think she came into my room in the middle of night (or I am going crazy).”

The Meeting Of The Two

• “Watched a notable Bwogger climb a stripper pole.”
• “Stranger on elevator implied that if the elevator got stuck I would be the first one everyone would consume. His friend comforted me after she saw me grimace.”
• “Watched the most awkward hookup ever through an open Carman window while on Beta roof.”
• “Left my mom’s credit card at Cannon’s.”
• “Rented a Citi bike. Went to cross an intersection (my right of way!) and some lady kept stepping into the bike lane then back out. When she stepped back into the bike lane and I stopped and nearly fell off my bike trying to avoid her, she screamed ‘Do you know how to bike?!’ so I yelled back ‘do you know how to cross a street?’ then returned the Citi bike promptly.”
• “Designed my family’s holiday card; its just a picture of me and my brother so it looks like we’re dating.”
• “The UES family I babysit for got me an Uber even though I told them I wasn’t going back to campus. The Uber still took me to midtown and I spent nothing.”
• “Left DWB early to smoke this weird tea mixture that came with rolling papers? IDK I got it at this bougie boutique.”
• “Played a map trivia game in which I had to use my surroundings to guess what country I was in. I suppose you could say I spent my Saturday night wandering through Russia.”
• “Did coke for first time off a stranger’s housekey at some random bar on 106th and broadway. Accidentally gave him my real number. Walked past the bar after synagogue the following night. Dude keeps texting me.”