The real student horror at Columbia and Barnard.

With mid-terms coming to a close, the cool air blowing in and everyone desperate for Fall Break, Bwog reflects on a weekend of paying debts and placing bets on who is over class work the most. 

Too bored for real work:

• I also joined a men’s shaving club while procrastinating a paper.
• Pregamed homecoming at 8am at community with 3 bellinis.
• Walked from Met Food at 125th street and Amsterdam to my dorm, 616, uphill, in the cold rain, with three heavy bags of groceries.
• Wandered around the Met and Central Park for four hours instead of working on my 3 essays and problem set due tmw.
• Carried a giant pumpkin in my arms across campus and got several weird looks
• Taught a minor YouTube celebrity how to dab.
• Got into a bar without an ID, enjoyed five minutes of euphoria, then left because I had no money to buy drinks.
• Went to the Met Friday night and went back Saturday morning; second time for business (school field trip), first time for pleasure.
• Went to 1020 at a reasonable hour to catch up with an old friend, drank their shitty house red and watched weird couple interactions.
• Stayed up all night Friday, slept (with periodic interruption from drunk DGs) until 3 PM on Homecoming. Purposefully.
• The Beta commune’s tobacco intake rate successfully went down over the week. We also ran out of a 300 paper pack of elements that we bought halfway through the summer. We tried to estimate our lifetime intake of cigarettes after this, averaging it out to between 500 and 800 per person—so far.

We all need a break:

• Finally paid my $200 parking ticket from july after having a dream I wasn’t allowed to drive ever again.
• I spent more time with my mom’s shower than with my mom during her visit.
• PTFO’d in my shafted McBain double at 4:30pm, awoke at 11pm and hungover, ended up at Milanos where I literally sampled every pasta before deciding on the pesto and pissing off the guy there, majorly. Walked back, ate it, and almost went to meet my friend at Highline Ballroom before realizing it was 12:30am and that was a bad idea. Went to bed at 4:30am.
• Friend believed I was drinking vodka but it was actually water the whole night, she was all “you’re drinking that like water.”
• Straightened my hair, then realized that I don’t own a hairbrush and brushed it with a literal fork.
• Saturday night, there was a knock on the door of my suite; my suitemate opened the door to find the members of the suite across from us dressed all in black, doing the dance to Spooky Scary Skeletons. I think it was the best thirty seconds of my suitemate’s life.
• Helped a friend who was having a panic attack- didn’t know what to do, so called my mother and put her on the phone to my friend, who has never met her. It helped a lot surprisingly.
• Had a tacky chunder in the bathroom of la famiglias for the 3rd weekend in a row.
• Stole (another) sign from 115th and Broadway for my room.

Image via the best pumpkin carving ideas in case you’re bored