The weather is just right to play this sport!

Last week, Bwog decided what fake sports Columbia students would be good at. Sports Editor Ross Chapman took it to the next level and created an entirely new sport for you to play now that the weather is nice. Maybe Columbia can come first in the Ivies in this one?

So, this one is pretty simple. It’s half footrace, half frisbee golf, played in two teams of 5. The goal is to be the first team with every player on the Scholar’s Lion in front of Havermeyer. Every round begins at the top of the Hamilton stairs (West side, of course).

The first member of the team, playing the Parachute position, goes down the stairs. Sounds simple, right? The trick is, the Parachute must declare when they begin their descent a student walking down the stairs. They may not descend faster than said student – if they pass them, they will receive an offsides penalty, and be docked one flight of stairs in the race. Parachutes don’t have to pick the first student who walks by, so reading the student is a key element of the Parachute’s skill. Parachutes may re-declare once per game, but only when behind the other team’s Parachute. The Parachute role emphasizes a Columbia Student’s ability to swiftly and smartly navigate their class schedule.

Once Parachutes reach the bottom of the stairs, they tag off at the Hamilton statue to their Rounder. The Rounder is more or less playing a miniature game of baseball, symbolized by their cooperation with the team’s Pitcher and Catcher to get around the South Lawn, originally the site of a baseball field on Columbia’s campus. (I should have brought this up now, but this game is only for play when the lawns are open.) The Rounder sprints onto the Eastern South Lawn (the normal strategy is to use the gate, but some innovators vault over the bushes, which has the drawback of creating a more predictable path). At the opposite edge of that lawn is the team’s pitcher, holding a frisbee. Once the Rounder tags the Pitcher, they must toss to the Catcher on the opposite lawn. Their toss can be intercepted by the opposing Catcher, although that interaction is subject to holding and pass interference penalties. If the throw succeeds, the Rounder runs to touch the Sundial, and then goes to Butler. If the throw is not cleanly caught, the Rounder must cross the two lawns and retrieve the frisbee. They hand it to the Catcher, who then becomes the Pitcher in their own right. This process continues until the throw succeeds. The sport’s second phase show’s Columbia’s commitment to the interchange of East and West, and also their obsession with Frisbee.

The Rounder hands off to the team captain, the Professor. When the round starts as the Parachutes descend Hamilton, the two Professors meet at the Butler security desks and exchange their enigmas, a piece of paper containing a Stacks Shelf and book title from that shelf (e.g. Stacks Floor 9, Shelf 36, American Dream, an Immigrant’s Quest). Professors rely on their knowledge of Butler to determine the call number, or approximate call number, of the book, and they run with their teammates (The Parachute, the Pitcher and the Catcher) to find the book. The Professor can only direct their teammates – they cannot touch the book in question themselves. (While this happens, the Rounder is sent to interfere by turning books on the shelves of the opposite team in order to obscure call numbers.) This part of the game symbolizes one person’s ability to provide all of the information for a group project.

Once the team solves their enigma, it’s off to the Scholar’s Lion! The team gathers outside of Butler Library, and then runs off with their book towards Havemeyer. However, team members may not hold the book for more than five steps, and may not pass forward or hand off to another teammate. Dropped books may be picked up at no penalty, so long as they are immediately passed backwards. When the team reaches the Lion, they must all mount it, with no feet touching the ground or the pedestal on which the Lion stands. The book, meanwhile, is placed in the Lion’s teeth. Once you’re all on, you win! If both teams reach the Lion at the same time, the same rules apply – there are no holds barred to pushing people off. This final section represents the cutthroat nature of the job market as students leave Columbia.