Some may choose to sport a CU t-shirt. Some may opt for a Millie sticker on their laptop case. But what about the bright-eyed, first-semester first-year who spots a bedazzled Barnard thong in the bookstore and decides to show their school spirit in a more intimate fashion? That first year was me, and I’m here to tell you all about it.

There’s something so sensational about wearing lingerie on a regular day. Sure, you’re wearing a ramen-stained sweater and mom jeans on the outside, but underneath is a little lacy somethin’ that no one knows about. It’s a thrilling little secret. It’s even more thrilling to know that, because you dropped $20 on a single pair of underwear, your school spirit is deeper than that of everyone else. But are these secret thrills worth the high price tag—equivalent to nearly two Diana tuna-salmon poke bowls?

The underwear is made by Hanky Panky and comes in two styles: a low rise thong and boyshorts ($20 and $32, respectively). There are two colors available: white and Barnard blue. Every pair has “BARNARD” written in precious gems (*cough* rhinestones *cough*) along the upper left. I chose the low rise thong in Barnard blue.

The thongs (as with most Hanky Pankys) are one size fits all, which I think is bullshit. I assume they are designed to fit a large range of 🍑s because of the remarkable elasticity of the lace and seams, but “all” is still a cumbersome word. The size chart gives that the “Signature Lace Low Rise Thong” fits dress sizes 2 to 12. The boyshort variety comes in sizes ranging from extra small to extra large.

Thongs aren’t comfortable. However, because of the aforementioned elasticity, this thong is more comfortable than most. If you don’t mind having a whale’s tail and want to privately flex your Barnard pride, these knickers are for you. Alternatively, you could opt for the boyshorts if you’re willing to pay an additional $12 for extra-booty coverage.

When I made this purchase, I was supremely concerned with the gems falling off and leaving a sparkly trail from my dorm to the laundry room. But after many washes, the embellishments remain intact. Impressive, Hanky Panky.

You could buy this pre-dazzled thong, or you could hot glue loose rhinestones to your favorite, already worn-in bikini briefs. Either way, your school spirit will transcend that of most students in the most intimate way.

Cover Photo via Bwogger