Staff Writer Sydney Contreras attempts to write the Master Discussion Post: 100 or so words so general, jam-packed with so much meaningless academic jargon that you could copy-paste and customize for the purposes of almost any discussion post and receive at least half credit.

As an English Major, I feel that it is my civic duty in this trying time to give you all the secrets to the art of the bullshit discussion post. Allow me to whisper lullabies of absolute nothingness to you so your professor will shrug and mark you off, you can sleep peacefully, and I can feel like my degree is useful. 

The foolproof framework I suggest:

The text in question, [author’s name] [insert title], critically engages with extant social and genre-related frameworks, both challenging and upholding these norms. [Insert author] illustrates the complexities and nuances of their project through a series of intentional rhetorical moves that provide important contributions to the style, implicit, and explicit arguments of the work as a whole. [Possibly slap a quote in here. Analyze if your caffeine high hasn’t worn off by now.] Certainly, it should be acknowledged that [insert author] is not the singular authority on the subject, nor does their argument exist in a vacuum; nonetheless [insert title] provides ample contributions to the larger body of work surrounding [insert topic]. 

Moreover, the text provides an interesting insight into [insert really vague thematic topic you’ve heard the most pretentious student in your class ramble about], generating possibilities for further readings with this new perspective taken into consideration.

It’s got it all: the semicolons, the buzzwords, the meaningless buffer words to beef up your word count… All that’s left is your bare minimum effort and a quick submit to Canvas.

Does anything mean anything? via Pixabay