You’ve seen Bwog mock other syllabi this week. Now prepare for Bwog’s very own comprehensive, official, totally real syllabus.

BWOG 1001—Fall 2022

Sundays, Lerner 510

Instructor:  Sofia Fontaine

Teaching Consultants: Grace Fitzgerald-Diaz, Sofia Trujillo

Spiritual Consultants: Mikhail Kryzhanovsky (PhD), Deantini (RIP), Linguini (DELI)

Sworn Enemies: The Columbia Daily Spectator

Course Rationale

TOGETHER WE CAN GET TO IMMORTALITY.

The laws of the quantum world are ours to bend; with your help in 2-3 years the Secrets can be unlocked and the world made known of them. With this Course You can Understand Bwog and the Powers that Be within your University and the surrounding world. Take This Course.

Required Readings

WEEKREADINGASSIGNMENT
WEEK 1“Courseworks Discussion Posts Took Out A Third Mortgage On My House—And Then Stole My Succulents.”Write a Courseworks discussion post of no more than two (2) pages. Buy a succulent.
WEEK 2“The Final Housing Coverage 2022—The Nightmare Is Over.”Hack into Columbia Housing and rig the lottery numbers. Then go home and boil in your 90º double.
WEEK 3“Columbia University Bomb Threats Caused By Internet Feud”Write a piece of incredible investigative journalism. Just the best piece of investigative journalism to ever come out of any publication. Ever. Write that.
WEEK 4“The Worst Places To Study On Campus.”Stand in a fountain. Upload photographic evidence. 
WEEK 5“COMIC: Schermerhorn Hall Does Not Exist.”Class this week is held in Room Ą̷̘̱̜̺̘̱͇̂͝3̶̛͕̩͍͔̰̬͎̓́̉̆͊̄̓̊̑̌͘͝͠ͅ0̴̰̪̝͕̖͈̫͙̞̏͂͆̃͌͊̐9̵̧̛̱͙̌́̓̆̀̎̈́̏͝͠ of the Schermerhorn Extension.
WEEK 6“Denmark Is A Circus: KCST And Circus Collective Put On Creative, Wild, Amazing Hamlet”Befriend a ghost. Stab your uncle. Monologue about the futility of life.
WEEK 7“Graduate Workers Begin Strike For Fair Contract, Bringing Many Courses To A Halt”Don’t come to class. Proudly.
WEEK 8“I Can’t Drown My Demons, They Know Exactly Where Every Atom Is In The Universe And Where They Are Going.”Name each atom in your body. As of 2022, “Steve” is an unacceptable name.
WEEK 9OFF!!! NO CLASS!!! DO NOT READ ANYTHING THIS WEEK!!!I swear to Gwod Almighty, if you come to class this week, I will personally hunt you down and force you to read Federalist articles. Do you want that? Do you??
WEEK 10“Things That Have Existed Longer Than Columbia College Being Co-Ed”Take a picture of a man and woman studying together. Staple the picture to PrezBo’s front door. Congratulate yourself for defeating the patriarchy.
WEEK 11The Ninety-Five Theses: Terrible Puns EditionIf you want a good grade this week, you’ve got to have the ⋆ write stuff ⋆
WEEK 12“BwogSex: The Porn Stars On Butler Library”Fornicate with the Hamilton statue ;)

Bwog on Canvas via Photoshop.