A rant and ranking of The Quad at Barnard by a fed-up first year.

The Barnard Quad—honestly, what can I say? The moment you step into those dorms, you realize that all the glossy brochures and fancy Instagram photos left out the reality of freshman living.

First off, the rooms are small. Like, tiny—there’s barely enough space to squeeze in your clothing, let alone your life. You’re basically shoved into a shoebox with another person, or if you’re really unlucky, other person(s), hoping you both have the same preferences about light, noise, and the concept of personal space. And don’t even get me started on the walls. You can hear everything—your neighbor’s late-night calls, their playlist on repeat, even their existential breakdowns at 2 am.

The communal bathrooms? Ugh. If you’ve ever dreamt of waiting in line for a shower that never quite reaches the right temperature, then you’re in for a treat. They’re either burning hot or ice cold, and let’s not talk about the occasional flooding in Hewitt 7’s leaky bathroom, or when someone decides to leave their entire beauty routine residue scattered all over the sinks. And oh, the water pressure—it feels like you’re trying to shower in a drizzle. The water is also brown at times in Brooks so that’s a treat! 

Sure, there’s the charm of living on campus, but that quickly fades when you realize that living on campus means the pipes are ancient and the heating system is wildly unpredictable. And you won’t have AC unless you’re extremely lucky. And the elevators? Prepare to question your life choices as you wait forever for an elevator that, when it finally arrives, might just decide to stop working mid-semester. With all these unreasonable living conditions freshmen must face, which hall is the most livable? 

  1. Hewitt 

Okay, I know this may seem like a bad take but hear me out. The first advantage of being in Hewitt is that the space is yours entirely, and it’s a decent size. You’re not shoved into a shoebox fighting your roomie for breathing space. The bathrooms are also spacious and the water pressure is not that bad. Yes, some Hewitt floors are missing bathroom ceiling tiles and the rooms are hot because Hewitt is one of the three halls that does not come with AC, but it’s bearable. The view of the Hudson is also gorgeous from Hewitt windows. 

  1. Sulzberger (Sulz)

The only hall with AC. Everyone who lives here makes sure you know that they have AC and you don’t. I personally can’t wait until the AC stops working in October. Moving on from my jealous rant, Sulz is second as it’s the most updated dorm and the rooms are spacious. The view of Broadway is beautiful. The bathrooms are on the smaller side but there are two per floor, a lounge, and laundry room so that adds onto the greatness of Sulz.

  1. Reid

I love that Reid is modern. The rooms are also pretty spacious, and it’s a smaller hall compared to the others, so it feels less dorm-vibe and more like family. Faces become familiar and it feels wrong not to say “hi” to each other. I honestly love Reid; it’s Sulz 2.0. However, the bathrooms are extremely small and the toilets don’t flush on some floors so this brings Reid’s ranking below Sulz. If people learned to flush and proper bathroom etiquette, Reid would easily topple Sulz (Reid 5, I’m looking at you).

  1. Brooks

Last and certainly least, the oldest building in the quad, Brooks. Everyone talks about the Hewitt smell but what about the Brooks feel? Everything that you touch in Brooks feels dirty. It’s very obvious that Brooks is the oldest building in the quad. From the lights flickering in the Quad to the brown water that comes out the shower and the worms rising from drains, and the combo doubles where you and your roomie are either playing footsies or staring into each other’s eyes while you’re trying to sleep. Brooks is the worst building to reside in. If you live in Brooks, please accept my condolences.

This is a grievance against Barnard: for how much the Cost of Attendance is, the Quad should be livable and comfortable. 

Feel free to question my rankings and justify your own in the comments!

The Quad via Bwog Archives