Staff Writer Abbey Zhao has two left feet—let’s see where she’s fallen and lost her dignity so far.

I’ve been blessed with both an incredible lack of coordination and also bad vision, making my journeys across campus a dangerous trek at all hours of day—and night. Combined with the weather as of recent, it’s surprising I haven’t fallen more often. 

Columbia’s a historic campus, but unfortunately, this means a lot of stairs and uneven walkways. And to add on, I haven’t invested yet in shoes with more traction, which also definitely doesn’t help.

So where have I tripped so far? Let’s see:

  1. The staircase to Upper Campus by Dodge Hall—those steps are not spaced for the faint of heart. For some unknown reason, I can handle the stairs on the other side.
  2. The staircase heading to John Jay from Butler. I always mistake the ground-level step as another downward one, creating an awkward stumble. 
  3. Up and down the Philosophy staircase. They’re slippery (for me) despite the weather. Don’t ask what happens when it rains. 
  4. Low Steps. It’s a staircase. Notice the pattern.
  5. Frankly, any staircase, unless, very specifically, the whole of each step is the same color. When it’s patterned, or has a colored groove marking the ending, my brain gets confused, and sends that message right to my feet. You’ll find me holding onto every handrail for dear life.  
  6. College Walk. Those bricks ruin me.
  7. The ground outside Pupin. It feels…uneven. Maybe it’s a spidey-sense on my behalf, maybe it’s an actual thing. Who knows?
  8. The walkway outside Butler—that’s actually uneven.
  9. Over thin air. Multiple times.

To be honest, I’m forgetting some. My mind can be as bad as my walking. But just know, my feet will always find that one brick jutting out, or that one wet puddle ready to be slipped on. 

However, I’m a first-year, and it’s only been a month since I started here. As a result, I know my escapades won’t end. Here are places I think I’ll continue tripping:

  1. Down the JJ’s stairs. Honestly, it’s surprising this hasn’t happened yet. I mean, I’ve dropped food while heading up, but never my body. 
  2. On the walk to Barnard (and particularly Hewitt)! It’s just a lot of walking, which increases the probability that I do it wrong.
  3. On the way to Horace Mann, because that’s where I’ll be having FroSci in the spring. 
  4. In the lounges where I like to study. There’s lots of charging cords, so a lot of tripping hazards.
  5. Everywhere—when the weather gets even worse, I’ll put the fall in fall.

Anyway, if you ever see me walking through campus and notice a sling, or a boot, know that it’s likely because I, once again, fell victim to my own body.

Tripping over a banana peel via Pixabay