Disclaimer: Bwog does not and never will use AI in any of our articles… except this one.

While noodling around on AI websites, I thought to myself: what would happen if Bwog used AI? We have a very clear no AI policy, and our stellar articles reflect that of hand-written, devised, human work. However… what if just this once…. I did it? And what if… the results were below?

Title: Surviving Columbia: A Hilarious Guide for BWOG Readers
Welcome back to Columbia University, where the coffee is strong, the readings are endless, and the only thing scarier than your midterms is the sight of your bank account after textbook shopping. If you’re a BWOG reader, you’re probably already prepared to navigate the chaotic and delightful world of Columbia. So, grab your favorite caffeinated beverage, and let’s dive into this unofficial, slightly irreverent guide to thriving (or at least surviving) your Columbia experience this year.

1. Navigating Classes: Your Choose-Your-Own-Adventure
   Ah, the joy of hybrid learning! It’s like a game of roulette—will you attend in person and risk sitting behind the one student who insists on asking a million questions? Or will you opt for the Zoom life, where pajama bottoms are the new business casual? Pro tip: If you choose the home option, be sure your background doesn’t feature last week’s laundry pile. You never know when a BWOG post might document your “unique study space.”
2. Making Friends: Awkwardness is a Feature, Not a Bug
   Making friends at Columbia is like trying to find a good Wi-Fi signal in Butler Library—tricky and occasionally frustrating. Start by attending events listed on BWOG; if it sounds interesting, go for it! Worst case, you’ll have a hilarious story about accidentally joining a club for artisanal cheese enthusiasts instead of a study group. Everyone’s just as eager to connect, so don’t hesitate to bond over shared confusion or the latest gossip from your favorite BWOG articles!
3. Mental Health: Because You’re Not a Robot
   With the stress of classes, internships, and the pressure to maintain a social life, prioritizing mental health is essential. Columbia offers numerous resources to help you manage stress—check out the wellness workshops that BWOG occasionally highlights. And when you need a quick pick-me-up, take a stroll through Central Park. It’s like hitting the reset button, especially if you can dodge a few tourists along the way.
4. Exploring the City: Your Extended Campus
   New York City is basically an extension of your campus, so make the most of it! Try to navigate the subway like a pro—it’s a rite of passage. When you find yourself lost, follow the delicious smell of street food. You might end up with a life-changing taco or a questionable hot dog. Worst case, you discover a new favorite corner of the city that might even make it onto a BWOG “best of” list!
5. Internships and Research: The Real-Life Hunger Games
   Internships and research opportunities can feel like the ultimate competition, straight out of a reality show. Put on your best “I’m totally calm and collected” face and prepare to pitch yourself like you’re auditioning for “Shark Tank.” And if you don’t land that dream internship? No worries! You can always label yourself a “professional multitasker” on your resume. Just make sure to keep an eye on BWOG for any juicy internship leads!
6. Stay Informed and Adaptable: Channel Your Inner Chameleon
   Columbia is ever-changing, and staying in the loop is crucial. Keep an eye on BWOG for all the latest campus happenings and be ready to adapt. Embrace the chaos—“flexibility” is just a fancy term for “winging it.” If you’re ever lost, just smile and nod like you totally know what’s going on. Confidence is key, and maybe you’ll even inspire a future BWOG article about “The Most Confident Lost Students of Columbia.”

Conclusion
As we dive into another exciting year at Columbia, remember: it’s perfectly normal to feel a bit lost. Embrace the chaos, laugh at the absurdity, and know that everyone else is trying to figure it out too. Whether you’re navigating classes, making friends, or exploring the city, you’ve got this! And don’t forget to check BWOG for all the latest scoop and a little comic relief along the way. Welcome back, Columbia—let the hilarity ensue!

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