I’m fed up.

Imagine this: you’re on your way to class on the fourth floor of Barnard Hall, maybe pushing it a little on time. But hey, you’ve still got a few minutes, so no reason to haul ass up the stairs. You don’t want to walk in all gross and sweaty, and you’ve got enough time! You press the button to go up, expecting the elevator to arrive like it does in a normal building—maybe 30 seconds, maybe a minute, but nothing unreasonable. But no, Barnard Hall’s elevators have other plans.

In the three minutes it takes for the elevator to actually arrive, a horde of other students in your exact same situation has formed behind you. They all anxiously check their phones, hoping that maybe this time the elevator will cooperate and get them to their First Year Writing class or wherever they’re rushing to in time. As you all file in, you catch a mouthful of one girl’s hair while you accost the girl behind you with your backpack; you’re uncomfortably close together and it’s best to settle in, because this journey is far from over. 

The elevator will first lurch down to the basement, where there isn’t actually anyone waiting because these elevators hate everyone and love to prank you. You then return to the ground floor with an unnerving jolt, where you’re greeted by a sea of unlucky students who didn’t make it in the first time and certainly won’t be making it in now. Then, the elevator will slowly – and I do mean slowly – make its ascent to the third floor, where half the crowd will depart… but not you. By the time you make it to class, it has started and you are late. 

Who is at fault here? Certainly not you; you did everything right. You can’t be blamed for the elevator’s incompetency. Besides, walking up four flights of stairs is so much work… What choice did you have? It’s the stupid elevator’s fault. I hate it. Both of them. I hate both elevators so much. I know you do, too…

My suggestion? Honestly, I don’t really have one—I don’t know enough about elevators. Make them faster, I guess? Do they need a more efficient pulley system? I don’t know! I do know, though, that I’m grateful this semester is ending so I can be done reliving this scenario twice a week for at least the next nine months.

Barnard Hall via Bwarchives