CTV finally tells us what we want to hear: “Yeah, the balls were huge.” One year later, we remember pain and how we grew from it. Look Ma, se’re all New Yorkers, in really special, unique, touchy-feely ways! Yipee skipee! I’m going to get one of those giant pretzels and go to the Statue of […]

Housing lottery numbers come out tonight and the Spec has the stats (just not the right graphs). Students for Choice’s Emergency Contraceptive Bridgade finds they’re pretty useless. Let’s hope Norman Washington doesn’t mind being labelled the victim of the infamous EC hate crime… cause he is now! Columbia baseball winning a bit.

Quick poll: Who knows where Morningside Gardens is? (Answers involving Morningside Heights or Morningside Park don’t count) Do your plagiarizing at Columbia, not Barnard. Here’s to never seeing the phrase “‘safe spaces’ under momma Bollinger’s skirts” in print again. Casey Acierno makes his her mom mix-tapes.

Students soon able to turn pass/fail grade into letter grade after seeing final score.In related news, pass now equals fail. Ellen Binder’s, assistant vice president for budget operations and financial planning, son unable to thrive in public school. Only 1 out of the 3 SEAS class president elections contested Miri Cyper Cypers makes omlette-making sound […]

Too late for your CCSC candidacy. Leon Levy takes up Jerome L. Greene’s philanthropy challenge. Columbia tours led by liars. Jake Olson’s columns are like the Kid Rock/Scott Stapp sex tape; you can’t look away no matter how awful it gets.

Dan Okin elected ESC president. This whole story would be more interesting if it were the Jerome L. Greene Scientology Center Jake Olson tells you about his trip to Vegas so breathlessly he doesn’t even need paragraphs. Now everyone say together, “We won’t pie John McCain for being nice enough to speak at our graduation.”

Nothing kicks the semester off like a hate crime… er, the discovery of “potentially homophobic messages” on an EC white board. In related news, Ruggles vandalizers miss their court date. Obviously, what this calls for are some good French-style riots. Tulane kids back in NOLA, don’t seem so nostalgic for CU.

Newsflash! Columbia basketball loses two close games! Newsflash! 1968 was 37 years ago, and Columbia students are apathetic! Newsflash! Columbia treats international students on financial aid like shit! Student forum on expansion is created. And, of course, “It’s not just that guy or girl you fucked last week, but the first one you fucked before […]

Just four beers? But this is America! Finally, a publication dares to take on the Danish cartoon issue. Foner, Gitlin, and Navasky (or is it Navansky? Oh well, they’ll let the readers figure it out) are pissed at David Horowitz.Yeah, we know, we told you so. Ten days ago. With the Nielsen ratings coming to […]

An exercise in homelessness, but WHY? Prezbo, people are still pissed, yo. And we’re still talking about this? Concentrate, concentrate! Plus: The culinary careers of political science majors.

SEAS democracy looms on the horizon. And now, the time has come to raise the specter of FlexLife. “Pundits” attack, “progressive” voices scream “diversity,” They’re usin’ “adversity” to transform our uni-versity into a bastion of “liberal” “perversity”… …’Cept hate ain’t fine, so when it comes to Finkelstein, We’ll overcome these polarities and stand in solidarity […]

Possible Watt arson may be fraternity related…but Bwog thinks LUL stands for Love U Lots. ESC member resigns; conspiracy theories unleashed. Who said Valentine’s was over? Admin sez: Beer + Moz Sticks + First Years = Illegal.

Quorums kill. In the battle of the back handsprings, it’s Beth Katz 1, Amphibians 0. Bollinger continues to evade, slices white bread. Plus: The rise and fall of Michiko Kakutani…

The University Senate debates whether or not sexual assault is bad. Since Columbia isn’t famous, it should be nice to its students. And Harlemites. And Guatemelans. Bollinger’s blue ribbon committees aren’t as much fun as they used to be. Get away from it all with tales of …Gangsta Romance! Drug Lords! Incest!

Kwame Spearman on—yes, you guessed it—Kwame Spearman. And figure skating! Illegal immigrants have more rights than grad students. Lee C. does a song and dance all the way to Harlem. Then trips. While evaluations force professors and various other advisers to curb rudeness and inefficiency, [financial aid] advisers can get away with behavior that would […]