• Columbia basketball actually won a game. Make that two. Important ones. • We’re mad as hell, and we’re not going to take such measly financial aid anymore! • Amibigously named departments like University Systems, Enterprise Systems, Technology Infrastructure, and Client Services control our lives, e-mail. Which might be a good thing. • “Fuck-buddy communication […]

• Bambi II discovers machismo, farts, offends. • Finally, some good news for campus bookies. • At the southern frontier of Columbia’s eminent domain, a new outpost is erected. • Student telemarketers make money, answer “weird specific questions about MEALAC or whatever.”

• ‘Cause masturbation is the safest sex (after abstinence of course)! • Columbians become alums before they even graduate. • Motherfucker, motherfucker. • Did you know: Salmonella is a fantastic way to lose weight.

• Miranda moves on, proving that there is life after sex. • Do you know Miss Dee? Well we don’t either. • Athletic fan club tries to bring fans to games, fails. • Pop Quiz: Which Spec columnist voted for Al Gore in 2000?

• Some of us get hitched. Early. • Overwhelmingly, SEAS kids refuse to get flashed by Barnard. • Spec sez: Safer sex week should cater to virgins. • CUIT’s schizophrenic meanderings continue as department splits in four. Campus shrugs in apathy. • The fencing dynasty has apparently crumbled while we were passed out at the […]

• Mother Nature Takes a Big Dump on New York City. Ski Jumps, Igloos, Slushee Stands Erected. • Dean Zvi Galil Subs for Snow-Stranded E-Weeks Opening Speaker. Discusses Dermatology, Retirement Spots. • Disgruntled TA Takes Cigarette Break to Bitch About the Bitching Over ROTC. • Cops Faced With Hole in Donuts Case.

•Basement of Milano Market home to unhappy Mexicans, ex-cons, and toe fungus. •Anachronistic Gentleman Rental Service tries to bring anachronism to Columbia, fails. •Rock climbing and surfing approved as two newest club sports, waivers available for pick-up. •In an odd space-filling move, Spec writers recount dates they’ve gone on with each other.

•Head of Office of Multicultural Affairs to go from Associate Dean to Vice-President, just not at Columbia. •Couple didn’t realize better bars just a subway ride away, gets caught spending their fake $100 bills at the Heights. •Don’t be mean to the military guys or they’ll get all administrative on your ass. •Foner not actually […]

•St. Luke’s not the idyllic egalitarian paradise we all thought it was. Damn. •Starbucks workers are the new grad students when it comes to hopeless unions. •Student-run erotic journal Outlet to come out online, all the better for secret viewing. •Paid testimonial for South Beach, we can only assume.

•All you have to know about Nexus, the new Barnard student center, is that it is the anti-McIntosh. •Columbia might nab now-defunct Metro Theater at 99th and Broadway. •New wave of undergraduate magazines appearing (and B&W giggles over name appearing in print). •Eric Foner greatest thing since sliced bread and penicillin.

• The verdict on Columbia recycling is that some of us try, some of us don’t. •Columbia basketball loses to Harvard and Darmouth… but not by so much. •In related news, CU’s basketball promotions impersonal, impossible, cheap. •Miriam Datskovsky presents: An entire column on the benefits and acceptability of anal sex, which, as she admits […]

In which we give you your morning news round-up, saving you time for Sudoku-solving. •Glass House rocked, food tables ravaged, lights eeried out, Student Council congratulates self. •$15 million to hire diverse professors but ‘not every diverse candidate to come through the Diversity office.’ Diverse! •Hey, Pa! Take the kids ’cause I’m movin’ to NEW […]