Jasper Clyatt

And now we bring you one of Bwog’s favorite people at this entire school in his reveal as the voice behind @Butler_209, who got us through many an all-nighter–not to mention his work on Carman Forever and Ni**as in Ferris.

Name, Hometown, School: Jasper L. Clyatt, Rye, NY, CC

Claim to fame? I photograph a lot of things and have supplied at least 30 of James Bennett II’s Facebook profile pictures. I blue myself at Halloween and Bacchanal. I worked with some excellent rappers while directing Carman Forever and the Ni**as in Ferris music video series. I was the voice of @Butler_209.

Where are you going? Like the late Alvin Lee said, I’m goin’ home. My plan is to commute into Manhattan from the suburbs for about a year, then rent a penthouse quadruplex in the Village for two weeks. Prorated, of course.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. It seems that many Columbians would rather be right than happy. Not everyone and not all of the time of course, but as a community we always find something to indignantly defend or destroy. Every semester has at least one scandalous controversy that divides and brings out the worst in us. I don’t claim to have a solution, but whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I turn to Book 2 of Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations. Or, I just think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport and sip on a Baileys hot chocolate.
   
2. The fundamental attribution error. Take an intro Psychology class or Google it. I won’t explain the FAE here, but I’ll share my method for correcting it: any time you start to pass judgment on a person, count to ten and put yourself in their shoes. Don’t just assume that someone is a dick; consider the possibility he just bombed his final exam and feels like shit, or that he’s angry at the world because he was up all night breaking up with his girlfriend. It’s natural to make assumptions about a person’s character without considering their circumstances. Take the time to think, and I promise it will make you a happier and more empathetic person.
3. I know it’s cliché, but the Core really is fantastic. I didn’t fully appreciate it during my CC and Lit Hum years, but by junior spring in Music Hum things started to click. I’m not exaggerating when I say that Music Hum (s/o to Alex Mincek) changed my life. Discovering that music could be so powerful and complex seemed to flip a switch upstairs; I realized that there’s so much more out there left to learn and understand. Everyone says the Core teaches us how to think, although I disagree. “Thinking” isn’t something that can be taught in just four years. I believe the Core teaches us that we can think, and that our lives and our worlds are worth thinking about.

Back in my day… JJ’s Place operated on Dining Dollars and had a convenience store that sold milk, ramen noodles, and cookies. Combine that with the dining hall, CrackDel delivery, and an entire floor of friends, and you could theoretically spend the entire semester without leaving John Jay. You would fail all of your attendance-based classes of course, but I’m sure any reasonable instructor would let you Skype into LitHum if you asked/bribed them.

On a more serious note: we didn’t have 2Chainz, Trinidad James, or trap music. It was a different time, you understand.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I may not leave behind a city of marble, but I try to make things better when I can. If I can create more smiles than frowns, that’s worth something.

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Sakina Pasha

Welcome Sakina Pasha, who provided you with both baked goods and wristbands.

Name, Hometown, School: Sakina A Pasha, Phoenix/Las Vegas/LA, Barnard College

Claim to fame? Just received the honor of being on the cover of Barnard Magazine the semester I graduated, which means my face is awkwardly in peoples mailboxes, on coffee tables, and recycling bins (STOP THROWING AWAY RECYCLABLES-YOU WILL KILL THE POLAR BEARS). I’m President of Knickerbocker Motorsports (Formula SAE)- the AWESOME racecar team on campus, I’m OBSESSED with SGA and been involved with it for 4 years, I’ve been an intro bio TA for two years,I ended up getting 2nd place in assassins being disavowed the entire game, with no one alive on my team, and without killing anyone *cough* greg duchard you died before spring break and claiming to kill someone who is in charge of checking tickets during the Hoodie Allen concert is BS and not a real kill *cough* and I can usually be found in the cadlab/basement of mudd or lying on my floor eating cookies

Where are you going? BACK TO THE SUNSHINE (aka the west coast) to get my Vitamin D on and possibly do ALL THE PASTRY CHEFING before saving the world :)

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. Don’t judge people. It might be sappy and cliche to say, but there is no one on this campus who isn’t meant to be here. Whether someones presence helps you to appreciate things in your life more because you see how much they suck, or because you meet someone who is the nicest human being on the planet, everyone you interact with impacts your life, be it in a big or small way and whether you like it or not. So take the time to learn about someones life story, GO TO CAMPUS EVENTS (4 COUNCIL EVENTS ROCK), get involved with a variety of things some of my best friends are from GSSC and 3/2ers from SEAS, take advantage of the knowledge and passion that people around campus have for things. this school is full of some of the most amazing people you will ever be in the presence of, probably including yourself.
   
2. Appreciate and contribute to the experience. From four years of intense observation I have found that I can see about 72 stars from the ledge on the steps on a clear night. Take the time to stop, breathe, observe, and appreciate where you go to school and the people you go to school with. Thank the faculty, staff, and administration when you get the chance, and consider how much it actually takes to run an institution. Its simple to put blame on the people in charge, but honestly by trolling you’re not helping anyone or furthering an argument that hasnt been made or been overturned. Don’t waste your time, energy, or internet space talking smack with no intention of picking up the slack.
3. Engage. You can’t do everything on campus and in the city and there is no perfect balance or formula that can help you have the perfect college experience; but if you don’t get involved, meet people, and really engage, you’re wasting a lot of your time, money, and your life. You have the chance to work with some of them most capable people you will ever come across or work and explore in a city of opportunity, so take advantage of it and enjoy your time while you still can, because once the word graduate is attached to your name, the perks of being a college kid dissolve almost immediately.

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Carolyn Ruvkun

Bwog-wisdom’s back: Carolyn Ruvkun, former creative editor and provider of good feelings, both on Bwog and in general.

Name, Hometown, School: Carolyn Ruvkun, NYC, Columbia College

Claim to Fame? Nightline, Puppy Coalition, green flags, Bwog tags.

Where are you going? Home to cuddle with my dog, play the piano, and procrastinate from becoming a real person reflect. I need some chill time that’s not just confined to scattered guilty hours between various commitments crowding my planner. That’s all been very exciting and productive, but now it’s time to process.

And maybe I’ll eventually start a Jewish food truck called Knish & Tell.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

• 1. I’ve come to respect my parents so much more professionally, but I’ve also seen their emotional vulnerabilities in ways I didn’t recognize when I lived with them. Some of my most important conversations over the past four years have been with people in my family who have divulged their own struggles. Caring for and comforting your elders can seem like a jarring inversion of some natural order. But these difficult moments have made my family relationships feel more reciprocal and real. In short, call your bubbe.
• 2. Sit in the front row, so you won’t be distracted by the ridiculousness that appears on other people’s computer screens. I once witnessed a girl ordering a Vajazzling kit during lecture. She pulled out her credit card and everything.
• 3. If you turn on Netflix subtitles, you can understand the words while eating pretzels.

Back in my day…I thought I knew a lot more than I really did. But the more I learned, the more I realized how little I know. I’m leaving Columbia with few answers but better questions. Get comfortable feeling uncomfortable. After all, college shouldn’t validate your existing knowledge but put it in perspective.

Also, I went to H&H every Sunday morning for the best bagels in New York, crossing signs had words instead of pictures, hashtags and gifs didn’t exist, and seniors seemed very old.

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Constance Boozer

Name, Hometown, School: Constance Boozer; Jackson, Mississippi; Columbia College

Claim to fame? I engaged in CPRevelry and oversaw the transformation of countless U-Writing essays into articles as the EIC of the Columbia Political Review, coined the phrase Jim Yong Kim is “a rapping spaceman,” covered and broke some nom-nom-nom news in MoHi, was that girl from Alabama, and even had my unparalleled poster holding skills documented in the Staten Island Advance.

Where are you going? For the summer, I have a job as a researcher in NYC for a group that advocates for gun policy reform. In September, I’m shipping off to math camp as I start to earn my Masters of Public Policy in the birthplace of politics (Chicago). After that graduation, I am hoping to mosey onto a campaign during the 2016 election cycle.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

• 1) Many times success requires taking risks and a willingness to fail in your endeavors. If you have not literally and metaphorically tripped and fallen on your ass a few times, you have not truly taken advantage of what Columbia and what life have to offer.
• 2) It’s ok to hate Columbia at times. It’s not ok to ignore the reasons why you hate Columbia. If walking around campus does not give you some sense of joy on a semi-regular basis, it’s time to figure out what makes you happy and shake up your life a little. You may have an intense hatred of in-class exams and blue books. (In that case, choose seminars over lectures). You may enjoy going below 110th street every once in a while. (In that case, intern, work, volunteer, befriend more people who venture off campus, etc.). And you may prefer not having mice in your room. (Not much you can do about that one. A possible course of action is putting food in a trashcan to lure the mouse into the receptacle and then cover the brim with a Milano bag until the rodent stops jumping. It is safe to assume that said creature is now deceased. I’ll leave it up to you to figure out how to get it out of the dorm). In short, awareness of how you best function and being proactive about maintaining those parameters is a road to happiness in any environment – especially Columbia.
• 3) Electrolytes are your friend. To work, to try, and to play hard – chug a bottle of Gatorade every day.

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I hate white wine.

Name, Hometown, School: Alex; Lenexa, KS; CC

Claim to fame? JJ12 OG. I’m convinced that my dorm room was featured in V117. I may be partially responsible for making Bwog blindingly white.

Where are you going? Slightly south. I’ll be living on the UWS as I work in the city. Some kind souls saw fit to provide me with gainful employment. Maybe I’ll knock off some of those red zeros that follow the negative sign on Mint.com.

Three things I learned at Columbia:

1. To love the Core. It’s not exhaustive, and it’s not perfect, but it has no such pretensions (or at least shouldn’t). What people most often mistake when criticizing the Core is that the curriculum is not intended to cover certain, critical subjects so much as it is designed to introduce and develop modes of thought (philosophical, literary, musical, etc.). I may be wrong, but the western bias isn’t so much essential as it is convenient. We should embrace the exercise on its own merit, and then seek to apply whatever we take away in all other areas.
2. To embrace ambiguity. I loved my philosophy professors and history classes, but I’m pretty sure that the two years of German language classes I took were the most impactful from a non-intellectual standpoint. Against all intellectual inclination, we must sometimes discard well-devised plans and allow ourselves to be subject to the whimsy of chance.
3. That life isn’t graded. There is significant value to what we learn in terms of subject matter and intellectual skill in the classroom, but at graduation all you get is a fancy piece of paper (but not actually) and a fraction to list somewhere on your resume. While at Columbia, what is vastly more important is how you engage with the community and define your place inside it. During NSOP, we were inducted into a great community of students, staff, faculty, and administrators. Learning how to best service that community is a challenge on par with any you can find in a classroom.

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Claire Sabel

The next Bwogger to pass through the gates of wisdom: Claire Sabel: legend, hero, and former Editor in Chief.

Name, Hometown, School: Claire Sabel, London (UK), CC

Claim to fame? Aspiring polymath, least likely to have run a marathon, Editor of Bwog 2010-11.

Where are you going? Back to Butler, baby. I’ve found a wonderful intellectual mentor in my thesis advisor, who’s agreed to take me on as a research assistant for the time being, so I’ll be around campus this summer, when I’m not in Long Island City speculating about the future. After that, my dream is to take to the parks as an urban ranger (seriously) somewhere in NYC, though it seems a bit inevitable that I’ll eventually end up in graduate school, studying the history of science.

3 things you learned at Columbia:

• 1) Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Fear of being ignorant will only breed more ignorance. You’re much more intelligent, and know a lot less, than you think you are/do. This isn’t just about the classroom—which brings me to my next point.
• 2) Learn from each other. The most enriching conversations I’ve had took place in my suite, at 1020, on the subway, in office hours, reading Senior Wisdoms and Bwog comments. School is as relevant as you make it. It’s not the only thing, but you should make the most of it by engaging it with all the other things. Talk to your professors about what’s going on in your life, not just about homework. Get excited about your friends extracurricular frivolities. Turn off your phone and go exploring.
• 3) Relationships, whether social, intellectual, romantic, professional, or with your self (don’t forget this one!) require work, deliberation, and attention. Cultivate them, and appreciate them. Live with people you don’t know, but would like to. Make standing appointments, and establish rituals that incorporate generous helpings of coffee and Die Antwoord.
• 4) I still have no idea what my priorities are but I know that I have some. It’s okay if you don’t have them all worked out, but don’t leave them unconsidered.

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Logan Donovan

Here’s Logan Donovan, who Athletics should really get in contact with. Congratulations!

Name, Hometown, School: Logan Donovan; Nellysford, VA and New York, NY; SEAS CS

Claim to fame? I was on ESC and spent most of my time doing policy work. I co-wrote Columbia’s Medical Amnesty Policy, got the undergraduate schools to come together, and pushed for pass/fail for non-technical electives in SEAS.

Where are you going? Right now I am traveling around the country for the summer skydiving to make up for all of the jumps I didn’t do during the school year. Starting in September I will be working at a startup called pingMD as a software developer here in the city. Looking forward to finally having time to hang out with everyone who will still be in the city since I never had time during school.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. There are far too many amazing clubs to participate in or awesome people to meet here; you have to be deliberate about your time. Do your best to talk to your friends and watch school events to see what is available. If something seems interesting try it out. If you don’t make a concerted effort, the semester will have flown by and you’ll still be wishing that you had gotten involved. That being said, you only have so much time, choose wisely.
   
2. The people are the most amazing thing about this school. This place is very stressful; we even won an award for it, though their methodology is extremely questionable. When everything starts getting to you remember that your friends are there for even if you think you are just bothering them. Chances are everyone around you is feeling the same way and you’ll remember all of the late night conversations and adventures that you’ll have way more than whatever work you were doing.
3. a. SEAS has an odd place at Columbia. We don’t overlap in coursework with any of the other schools, which I think allows us to duck some of the bigger tensions that exist between the schools. We end being proverbially patted on the head by other students who say it’s cute that you never leave Mudd. While we are in one of the undergraduate schools, in reality we are not separated from the graduate school of engineering in a meaningful way, especially when it comes to junior and senior classes. In some ways this is good things because we get more research opportunities but the mixing of students often creates a lot more tension in the end, despite what people say everyone does care about grades. Talk to your professors, TAs, and especially other students. Don’t let anything take away from your classes. Buckle down, find a few people in your class and hang out while you do your work. Debating problems with them will teach you far more than you would have learned in class and you won’t feel as isolated here. There is also a fine line between discussing a problem and telling someone how to do it, don’t cross it. You aren’t doing yourself any favors by not actually learning the material.

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Allie Curry

For the first Senior Wisdom on this Commencement Day, we bring you the wonderful Allie Curry, senior editor at The Blue and White.

Name, Hometown, School: Allie Curry; Bismarck, North Dakota; Columbia College

Claim to fame? I like words. Acquaintances most often call me out for arguing against Helen, that yes, you should tap that. 

n.b.: I was right.

Where are you going?  “Avenue of the Americas” and the early 50s by way of Bed-Stuy. I started work three weeks ago—does that mean I’ve already arrived? Also: since when do people pay me for my hard work? Asking for a friend.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. Conversational French/Spanish/Poststructuralist (literary) theory
2. Television can be intelligent.
3. Irony is a mechanism by which my friends and I deflect or diminish our our own emotions—which are TERRIFYING, but also mean something, and therefore, should be trusted.

Back in my day… Swine Flu was a thing and people listened to music featuring acoustic instruments. Trader Joe’s on 72nd didn’t exist, the distinction between leggings and pants was so much clearer, and WE DIDN’T KNOW THERE WOULD BE ANOTHER ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT SEASON. I’VE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE: HISTORY IS PROGRESSIVE, GUYS!!!!

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I find James Franco’s handshake weak.

Write a CU Admirers post to anyone or anything at Columbia: @AjayChaudhary and students of CC, section 54: I was dumb not to say anything in class for like most of the year, because you guys actually changed my life. And I didn’t even get the Star Trek references. Radiohead, though.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Cheese. NEXT.

One thing to do before graduating: Give yourself a deadline of two weeks. Enlist no more than three or four friends and dedicate your underage selves, earnestly, to finishing at least half of a box of Franzia each in those two weeks. Acceptable applications: V-Show, Bacchanal, Club Butler (“New York’s hottest club is…”) and your term paper, John Jay, etc.

Any regrets? Oh my god, I have a million regrets, very few of which are worth articulating in the space of this post. Trite, but I should have made several friends sooner; I should have drank more; I should have shat on the Upper Midwest less. Since we’re on the subject, as of late, I’ve been repping Joan Didion’s Slouching Towards Bethlehem hard. By way of oversharing “On Keeping a Notebook”, I think she’s right:

“I think we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind’s door at 4 a.m. of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends. We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget. We forget the loves and the betrayals alike, forget what we whispered and what we screamed, forget who we were.”

Remember your past selves, allow for change, and make your memories with others. Best of luck, guys.

Today was Commencement for the entire University, where all graduates were made official and all deans made nerdy inside jokes about their schools.  Read on for memorable quotes, pictures, and videos.

Remember: tonight the Empire State Building will be lit up Columbia blue and white. And more importantly, Bwog is proud of you.

PrezBo:

• “It is a well-known fact: the smarter you are, the more you can procrastinate.”
• “I sometimes imagine I’m president of a dating service.”
• “Being at a university means never saying ‘well that’s just what I believe.’” … “Imagine how different the world would be if people entered conversations willing to change their opinion.”
• “I believe no generation has faced a world with more promise than yours right now.”
• “I hope you will always remain the brilliant students you have been with us.”

Deantini: “The pen is mightier than the sword, but we know Columbia College students are mighty good with both the pen and the sword.”

Goldean: “They are the hardhatted, hammer-waving students who will lead the world in engineering and applied sciences.”

DSpar: “The brilliant, the bold, the dazzling, and the ever beautiful women of Barnard College.”

Dean Awn: “These students are deeply indebted…..to the faculty!”

George L. Van Amson (Chair of CAA): “Stand Columbia as Columbia stands with you.”

Pics and vids after the jump

Happy graduates and that guy’s head.

Fortunately, PrezBo’s hair weathered the extreme heat of today’s College graduation ceremonies. A little after 9:30 am today, the class of 2013 marched with their gowns sticking to their sweaty under thighs. The Salutatorian, Yoshiaki Ko, made the first speech of the morning, discussing the “nexus” that Low Steps become when it’s nice out and the intellectual and social connectedness of the student body and the university at large. Terrence McNally, class of ’60, proceeded to give the Keynote address (highlights are after the jump). After student awards, Deantini urged the class of 2013 to “remember the imperative, ‘Roar, Lion, Roar,” and PrezBo promised to keep it brief in light of his speech for tomorrow’s University Commencement. Class President, Ryan Mandelbaum, started his speech by taking a selfie at the podium and provided insights on his freshman self’s “shearling lined Crocs.” Hands were shook, pins were given and names were read, the last of which was “Beyoncé Knowles” (this actually happened) which is apparently the proper phonetic pronunciation of Meriam Raouf‘s name. You know it’s unbelievable when a parenthetical disclaimer is necessary. Congrats CC 2013! (more…)

Josh Johnson

Name, Hometown, School: Josh Johnson; Uniondale, NY; Columbia College

Claim to fame? Co-chairman of the Black Student’s Group Consortium (shoutouts to my brothers and sisters in the struggle, cuz it’s real), Uris Pool Lifeguard, and Intramural Champion (I go hard in the paint!). Also my partying skills are legendary, I’ve perfected ancient the art of the fist-pump and my turn up is just mean bruh!

Where are you going? I’m heading back to Strong Island for the summer to study for the MCAT, which means I’m going to med school…someway/somehow. After that, I’ll hopefully be recharging my batteries on the crystal clear beaches of my not-so-distant homeland, Jamaica.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. Speak up. Let’s face it Columbia is far from perfect. When issues arise in academic or social settings we should be vocal about our emotions and demand better from classmates, faculty, admin, etc. There’s no shame in being “that kid” in class who always brings up racism, sexism, classism and whatever other –isms exist. Chances are you are not alone in your experiences here at Columbia and the more you speak up the more encourage others to do the same.
   
2. Make your own path. Being a part of the rat race is just no fun. Take the time out to be an individual and to appreciate your differences. Yeah I’m pre-med but I’ve never set foot in a lab outside the few I was required to take for class and I’m also an Ethnicity & Race major. I managed to find multiple ways in which I could mix my love of medicine with my interests in all those –isms I spoke about before. Basically though, you just gotta do you.
3. Appreciate the little things. This is probably something that has been/will be reiterated by most of my fellow seniors. Savor every moment you spend with friends outside of class or Butler. Don’t be afraid to spend that extra hour in the dining hall, take that last minute trip downtown, or skip a few classes to chill on the steps.

Back in my day… $500 dining dollars was a thing. Having an Ethernet cord for Internet access was absolutely necessary. We had at least one minority/female Dean of either CC or SEAS. Courseworks looked like a website straight up out the year 1996. Frat Row actually had fraternities on it. Deantini was teaching us how to use the periodic table.

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Yesterday afternoon, SEAS students took their turn at being graduated.  It was a great afternoon, if humid, with lots of energy and excitement.  Class Prez Mary Byers stepped up to the mic to chants of “Ma-ry Ma-ry!” from her classmates.  ”We’ve had our minds blown time and time again,” she said with a smile.  Engineering jokes abounded (“I’m still in SEAS, I didn’t learn English!” “We’ve built up so much positive potential energy.”) and laughs were had as Byers declared the class “the engineers of today.”

The class day speaker was Robert Bakish, SEAS’85 and MBA’89, CEO of Viacom Int’l Media Networks (sup MTV).  Bakish was clearly pumped to be speaking, opening his speech by making the crowd shout “Columbia!  Engineer!”  To their credit, the crowd was more than game.  Bakish clearly has a long-standing passion for Columbia.  He explained that his father is also a SEAS alum and encouraged him to go here; the audience applauded when we heard Bakish’s father was among us.  Bakish told his personal business life story and told the grads that every life is shaped differently, but it it worked out for him, “it will for you, too.”  Finally, he had some advice: “Live, learn, and press on.  Don’t forget to have a little fun.”

Valedictorian Joseph DelPreto spoke about the importance and strength of the SEAS community.  He talked about going to Florida with his robotics design team and spending free time in Disney World, where he was inspired to build to make the world a better place.  You have to make the choices to help more people.  Dean Goldfarb (Goldean, though he took a new nickname with “the cicada dean”) followed this idea, saying that grads need to use imagination to create new innovations.

PrezBo gave his perfunctory “speak briefly but directly to you guys while I can before Commencement” speech, speaking to the importance of engineering and technological knowledge.  Finally, he implored the grads to “please help the rest of us develop a Core course on engineering and technology.”

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John Lubeen Hamilton

Next up is John Lubeen Hamilton, who you’ve probably watched perform at some point or other.  (And if you haven’t, you’ve missed out).  Congratulations Lubeen!

Name, Hometown, School: John Lubeen Hamilton, Lubeen, Lube, or any derivation of the aforementioned product

Born and raised in Queens, Ny – Saint Albans to be exact. CC student – Shout out to the Psych department for allowing me to take some dope classes and graduate w/o having to write a thesis!

Claim to fame? Rising from the darkness of my tiny Wallach single like Plato, I’ve become one of the more visible members of CUSH – the Columbia University Society of Hip-Hop. I’ve gotten the chance to perform my music & freestyle (quiet literally) almost everywhere on campus, including on the Bacchanal stage w/ my homies opening for Snoop Dogg two years ago. I’m also a pretty nice guy who’s always down to talk to anyone for a bit as long as I’m not writing music or playing Age of Empires.

Where are you going? Literally? I’m moving back home to Queens. I’ll be setting up a semi-permanent recording studio in my basement, so if you ever want to make some music and don’t mind public transportation, come through! But in the more existential, “where is your life going?” sense, I really have no clue right now. But that’s cool.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. Columbia’s culture of commiseration is like quicksand. One minute, you’re a freshman who’s so eager to get out of the house, explore the big city, meet cool people and enjoy everything college has to offer. The next, you’re a second semester senior who spends more time arguing with friends about who has less fucks to give and complaining about how uncomfortable the seats are on the struggle bus than you spend really enjoying your life.
   
2. In relation to #1, I’ve learned that perspective is everything. The only way to escape the utterly depressing – and I mean that very literally – side effects that this place can cause is to always remind yourself that things aren’t as bad or insurmountable as they seem. It will suck, and you will not sleep, but that paper will get finished. You may not that get that A+ both you and your parents aim for/expect, but you must remember that every passing grade at an institution like this is something to be proud of. And even when you do happen to miss the mark completely, remember that a failure is just an opportunity to learn from your mistakes and begin preparing to succeed next time. I know that this all seems like hyper-optimistic bs, but being able to take a third-person view of your situation can really do wonders for your peace of mind.
3. Good Friends, Good Music and Good drinks almost always makes for a better time than a large scale shindig. The low-key turn up is unequivocally real.

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Lia Friedman

The wisdom just never ends: this time, on the morning of CC Class Day your CC valedictorian coaches you on all things Upper West Side.

Name, Hometown, School: Lia Friedman, Upper West Side, Columbia College

Claim to fame: If you knew my name before this April, you’ve probably gotten emails from me about worm bin composting. Before one of my closest friends and I met, our mutual friend would tell her stories about our CC class in which she referred to me as “the feminist.” That epithet flatters me.

Where are you going? I have no concrete plans! I’m headed to San Francisco in the fall to couch surf with extended family and see what opportunities present.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

• 1. Interests aren’t the same thing as personality. The age of facebook profiles and extracurricular activity fairs encourages us to assess our compatibility on paper/screen, but academic interests, favorite bands, and shared causes don’t necessarily provide the common ground we might expect.
• 2. You can trust your friends with a lot of things, but when it comes to classes or extracurriculars, go with what you enjoy. Recommendations from others can only get you so far. One of the most important things I’ve learned anywhere, not just at Columbia, is to completely trust my own reactions and preferences.
• 3. Russian.

Back in my day…Well, I’ve lived in this neighborhood for almost 23 years, and I grew up playing hide-and-seek on the Columbia campus and swimming in the fountains on Low. Back in my day, you got your groceries at UFM or Mama Joy’s. West Side Market was a quarter of its current size, did not have the fabulous disco soundtrack or “Fresh Meat!” sign, and it shared the block with Columbia Bagels. Metrocards cost $1.50, the 9 train still existed and the 3 trains were red, not silver.

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Brian Driscoll

Here we have Brian Driscoll with a shockingly actual honest Senior Wisdom.  Congratulations on your graduation today!

Name, Hometown, School: Brian! Driscoll, Sandusky, OH, GS

Claim to fame? GS Alumni Key award winner. I’m also a Visual Art major; we’re rarer than unicorns.  Also, for some reason people always remember my hair.

Where are you going? I’m staying in New York to paint.  Buy my stuff.  I’m poor.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. You can win a free laptop if you go to enough sporting events.  Seriously, what do you think I am typing this on?  There is free stuff all over this campus; you just have to look for it.
   
2. Strategically pick your classes based on the professor and then work to build a relationship.  Nobody is going to just hand you a good letter of recommendation.
3. Picasso is like a child washing their hands after being caught masturbating.  Ok, so maybe I still don’t know what that means, but I heard it in a lecture once.

Back in my day… Hurricane Irene destroyed orientation.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I’m here to paint.

Write a CU Admirers post to anyone or anything at Columbia: To the old lady model at Artist Society, I want to wrap up in your extra skin like it is a blanket.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Who could give up cheese?  Vegans are stupid.

One thing to do before graduating: Take Music Hum over the summer.  No one wants to go to the Opera.

Any regrets? Hell no!  I regret nothing!  One of my friends told me her biggest regret was not getting a new prosthetic eye while she still had Columbia’s insurance though.