Bwog daily editor Chloe Eichler toured last night’s Glass House Rocks so you didn’t have to. After the fire alarms were shut off and the festivities ended, she filed this report.

The theme of this year’s Glass House Rocks was “The Time Machine,” and the first sight to behold upon entering Lerner was a table of sex toys under scrutiny from two gentlemen in robot costumes — a clock-stopping experience indeed.

But, the pounding of techno and jostling crowds made it impossible to linger, which was good. There was a lot to see.

Cultural clubs and student government took up the bulk of the first few floors, including a karaoke room and the ingenious transformation of the piano lounge into an all-purpose ancient cultures playground, where students lounged in togas and wrapped themselves in mummy bandages. Roone Arledge housed inflatable delights: an obstacle course, rock climbing, and a ring for stickfighting to the death. Glow sticks and cheese cubes were the night’s secondary themes, with bonus inexplicable cowboy decals. (Time travel to … Texas?) The one low note was the sad pub stuffed into the furthest, darkest corner of the basement.

Battle your way past the cotton candy line spanning multiple stories and your reward was full-body finger painting, a mysterious science experiment, and what may have been the entire production quota of Hershey’s Kisses for Morningside Heights. If you were savvy, you bypassed Ferris Booth in favor of Room 568, where the real dancing was kept well-hidden. On the top floor, visitors faced a difficult choice between drawing vaginas on themselves — a task that seemed to attract a surprising number of males — and playing a gigantic, passionate game of Rock Band projected onto a wall.

Of course, the real spectacle came at the end of the night with the dance performances on the ramps. Executing choreography on sloped glass is impressive enough, but doing it while hordes of fellow students try to blind you with flash photography is a downright miracle. No group can be faulted for a lack of enthusiasm, especially the maniacal mass of energy that was CU Bhangra. A fittingly loud, hot, crowded end to Glass House Rocks 2009.