Opening Remarks

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Because teaching is a performance art.

Because teaching is a performance art.

Classes begin once again, and the first class is always the time that professors try to woo you with humor and niceness before they push you into Butler for many a busy night. But hey, that doesn’t need to spoil the humor. We think some of these professors could just as well be on Comedy Central, so let’s appreciate them while we still like them:

Anna Caterina Musatti, Principles of Economics

“We [principles of econ instructors] are proud to have an enrollment of 1100—the same as Frontiers of Science. But, unlike Frontiers, students choose to take Principles.”

Rosalind Morris, Ethnographic Imagination

“I’m going to be your companion, dominatrix—you will hate me or love me for a while.”

James Shapiro, Shakespeare

“For all the tuition you’re paying, you should be able to play with the First Folio [in the RBML] at least once.”

John McWhorter, Language Contact (meant to be a 20-person seminar, but with 45 people at the first class)

“This is supposed to be a seminar…  All right, I’ll take all of you”

Eleanor Johnson, Visionary Drama

On anti-French bias in Medieval drama: “Sometimes Satan will show up and be like, ‘BONJOUR!'”

Eric Blanchard, International Politics

“I don’t like using PowerPoints. You guys are already staring at screens all day. Soon you’ll have Google glasses and be watching a Tom Cruise movie instead of my lecture.” He then proceeded to instructed the class to follow him on Twitter and to be “classy”

Zoe Crossland, Intro to 20th Century Archaeology

On archaeological stereotypes: “I do own a floppy hat, but not any cargo shorts.”

Susan Crane, Medieval Romance

“Treat this like a medieval classroom: no laptops, iPhones, iPads or other works of the devil”

…and David Bayer, Linear Algebra took off his shoes and walked around in socks. Guess this is as wild as they get after Froscanity.

How PrezBo should totally dress for his Freedom of Speech class via Shutterstock


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  1. Prof Paul Scolieri in World Dance History  

    [after describing courtship as a reason for dance] "Straight people are crafty"

  2. SEAS Kid  

    ...But Principles *is* required.

  3. Ron Miller, intro to econometrics  

    "The biggest qualification for studying statistical theory is the ability to pronounce long Russian names."

  4. Prof. RadBro  

    "420 Blazing 4life #yolo"

  5. Anonymous  

    I'm really behind on technology. I don't even have a cell phone. That's probably why I check my e-mail every 20 minutes. I'm waiting for the Nobel Prize committee to write me, but it hasn't happened yet.

  6. CC15  

    Oh Bayer. Just wait until you notice that the chalk smears on his jean pockets have been accumulating for the past twenty years.

  7. oh eric  

    Don't let yourself get lost in Blanchard's baby blues. He's the pivot's pied piper, and if you don't follow him into the East Asia cave your grade will succumb to the plague.

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