With the new semester comes a new pair of girls, anonymous and cynical toward the world, to tackle 2girls1snack because Bwog knows you missed this series dearly. In choosing the snack for this edition, the two girls really just were craving dessert and settled on the classic cheesecake. Bwog knows mom and grandma have told you 43 times to find the BEST cheesecake, pizza, coffee, etc. in New York, so the two girls decided to tackle the savory treat and recount the neighborhood’s best and worst options so you can finally tell mom which one is the best.

Westside Market: $4.99
Rating: 3/5

Westside’s big fella

Westside’s slice can be found in what the two girls will now refer to as heaven on earth (the cheese and dessert and cold oatmeal aisle). Before deciding to stick with a classic cheesecake, saliva was mopped up from the floor as the two girls almost passed out from dessert overload. However, self-restraint prevailed and the girls tore themselves from the sanctuary (though they’ll return again soon, if not even for this series but for that huge-ass slice of tiramisu). For the actual taste of the cheesecake, the piece was on the sweeter side, which both girls liked. One girl pointed out it also had a fluffier consistency, perhaps due to more egg whites, which led the cake to slowly crumble to pieces. The edge of the cake had turned a nice brown, notably tougher than the rest of the cake. However, the actual “crust” was more of a cake-substance, spongey and pale, and not at all your traditional, beloved graham cracker bottom. The two girls would recommend this slice as a quick snack at 10:55pm, but make sure you look around the selection as some pieces looked a little questionable (we’re talking over-browned edges and tops and smushed sides).

Nussbaum and Wu: $4.08
Rating: 3.5/5

Nussbaum, glamour-lit.

Nussbaum was a contender for the classiest bitch of the bunch. The narrow piece was very dense, especially compared to Westside’s, which the girls appreciated as being a sign of a true cheesecake. It was also not as sweet as usual, but would pair well with a cup of coffee for an after-dinner snack. Again, the edge and crust made the girls sad due to a lack of texture and graham cracker crust (we want graham cracker and butter with our cream cheese, dammit). Aside from that disappointment, the girls were content with the slice and would go again; however, we’ll probably rethink going at rush hour for Nussbaum (and consequently having to punch out some kids to find a spot to sit).

Milano Market: $3.75
Rating: 4.5/5

The best baby of the bunch

In case you were wondering, Milano’s cheesecake is just as good as their sandwiches. The two girls were ushered by a very small boy to not cross over the line when checking out, but finally made it past his treacherous guarding of the register to get our slice. The body of the cake was perf with a great sweetness but also dense, creamy, rich-as-hell texture. The girls could not find much crust again, but the taste of the cake made up for such oversight. Plus, it was the cheapest slice of the bunch and makes you feel less guilty spending money on dessert. This was by far the best slice all around for the girls, and they will never be able to go into Milano without getting dessert again (…and one girl must specify that she will never pass Milano without getting (this) dessert again).

Hungarian Pastry Shop: $3.85
Rating: 3.5/5

Oh you fancy huh

We all know that Hungarian is the best pastry shop in the area. We get it. It is the pastry shop. The cheesecake slice was a pretty lady in the case, topped with pomegranate seeds and a cute little chocolate morsel to draw you in to the beauty. Unfortunately, the body of the cake was very light and fluffy, which made it harder to eat. Strong lemon flavor. Unnecessary layer of whip on top. This is not a birthday party; this is a cheesecake party, so lose the frosting. However, below the fluff and airy cream cheese layer hid the most beautiful crust ever found on a cheesecake. Thick and graham cracker-y, the two girls went to heaven on that crust, riding on it into the sunset. They may have even cross-contaminated that crust with the spectacle that was the Milano slice. Now, Hungarian will always be good, but the girls wouldn’t say it was the best slice of the bunch. Also, bring cash. Don’t be the one who forgets the cash.

Update: The two girls can now be found in cheesecake-induced comas in their respective dorm rooms. Please tell their parents that they loved them and ask DSpar to speak at their funerals.