Oct

6

You Named A Bar And Won A Pizza

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shutterstock_111605738

Our beer prize has doubled!

Since Friday, we’ve been flooded with suggestions about what to name the newest addition to our Columbia family. After all, in a world filled with MoHi and Prezbo, a name like Bernheim & Schwartz doesn’t exactly roll of the tongue. We extend claps, emoji stars, and bittersweet participation trophies to everyone who submitted names to us — the competition was steep and the choice was mildly difficult.

But alas, we have come to a decision.

*drumroll please*

Bernheim & Schwartz is now to be referred to as BoSchwo. Close contenders were Bernie’s, B & S, BS, and Bernz. Our lucky winner, Alex Chang, explains the choice best: “You can call frequenters the BoSchwoisie, and people get BoSchwasted on Senior Night.” How right you are, Alex.

And, to our dear Alex Chang, we extend a resounding congratulations! A million crab emojis! While we were slightly stingy with our prize, BoSchwo itself reached out to Bwog and offered to expand the prize to a six-pack of branded beer, a pizza, AND a liter of their own craft beer! Wowie! With prizes like those, you could throw a pretty quiet party! Oh Alex, you lucky human, you.

If you’re not totally sold on the nickname expect a visit from the Bwog Secret Police, here are some easy ways to integrate BoSchwo into everyday phrases:

  • “She was going so hard last week; what a freakin’ BoSchwarrior.”
  • “He’s gained so much BoSchweight recently that it’s like his beer belly has a beer belly.”
  • “Gather round, sailors, for I have a BoShwhale of a tale!”
  • “I love BoSchwo so much, I’m going to name my daughter BoSchwanda!”

Celebratory *clink* via Shutterstock

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30 Comments

  1. student

    this... is horrible

  2. but

    weekend at bernie's was so good!

  3. Anonymous  

    this nickname sucks

  4. Anonymous  

    now we can't play "movin' like bernie" ironically and do the bernie dance. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRBLmogRL4c

  5. Anonymous  

    now we can't ironically listen to "move it like bernie" and do the bernie dance.

  6. Anonymous  

    this isn't even a logical nickname

    i will continue to call it "b and s"

  7. Nope.  

    It shall forever be Beer Hall.
    Long live Beer Hall, my new home.

  8. Peaches  

    Hey, HEY, HEY!!!!

    GUIZE (this is Alex Chang),

    It doesn't make sense, but neither does most fucking egregious NYC abbreviations. Also, this was mostly Brit Byrd's idea, so go complain to him about it.

    • Peaches  

      ALSO BECAUSE I'M A SENIOR THIS IS MY...
      (•_•)

      ( •_•)>⌐■-■

      (⌐■_■)

      BOSCHWAN SONG

    • Peaches  

      Also BerSch is clearly the second best option, to settle that debate.

    • Anonymous

      The problem isn't whether or not it makes sense. The problem is that it's a fucking garbage nickname shoehorned in when much better alternatives were already presented.

      • Peaches  

        What, like "Weekend at Bernie's?" Sure it's a solid reference, and is kinda clever, but it's so unwieldy. Are you serious that that's a better nickname?

        >Where are you going out?
        >Well we're gonna go to the Heights and 1020, but maybe we'll go to Weekend at Bernie's.

        What if it's not the weekend (like senior night which is the only reasonable time to go considering their prices)? What about the fact that "Weekend at Bernie's" takes up more syllables than the full Bernheim and Schwartz name? BS? That's... ok, it really lends itself to... um... yeah, see? It doesn't flow well, and comes of the tongue poorly, and the only thing really BS about BoSchwo are the prices and mediocre food/decor and the insistence that anyone who has the humor beyond a 6th grade level really finds it clever. B&S? Slightly better, comes more naturally, but then again, it's not really special or otherwise clever and sounds more like a root beer brand than a bar.

        BoSchwo IS contrived like literally any Manhattan/Northern Brooklyn-based abbreviation, though it still has a charm to it. BoSchwo is concise and just pretentious enough for what it is. BoSchwo is still awkward enough where you have to have to put in a concerted effort to say which is probably a perfect submission for this type of competition. Additionally the puns are endless, and ripe for Bwog writers to butcher abhorrently.

        *ashes cigarette a la Don Draper

        BoSchwo... um... we're still better than Pourhouse? (we're still working on the slogan)

        #HatersGonnaHate #YouCareTooMuchAboutABullshitContest #ICareTooMuchAboutABullshitContest #DoesntMatterStillWon #FuckYouIGotPizzaAndBeer #SuckABagOfDeliciousBoSchwoOatmealStout #WhyAmICommentingOnBwogInsteadOfDoingWork

        • Anonymous  

          Look, dude, I know you're thrilled you won the contest, but just stop. No one in their right mind would use this garbage nickname. Maybe if Bwog keeps shoehorning it in, some freshmen who don't know any better will start using it, but that's just because Bwog refuses to admit when it's wrong.

          Call it Beer Hall, Bernie's, B&S. Just anything but BoSchwo.

        • Anohnathan  

          You're really gonna call "Haters Gonna Hate" on a stupid nickname contest?

          Wow. They say you can tell someone by the quality of their enemies. You either set the gain way too low, or you gots some LAME haters. Yo.

          See what I did there, all ironically? ;)

  9. Anonymous

    Peaches offers a solid defence. I'm still not saying this.

    • Peaches  

      To be honest, this is one of those cases where something is so bad you start saying it ironically as a joke, but then do it so often you just fall back on it as an actual thing. (see: hella, finna, yolo, yoloswag, swag, basic, etc.)

  10. Scotches  

    Anything more thank 2 syllables is just not worth the effort. BoSchwo or Bernie's it is.

    • Anohnathan  

      Where do you go, anyway, that you can't spare the braincells to remember names longer than two syllables? Going to CoLo to get your LawDeeg, or what?

      Anyway, one vote for Das Beerhalle.

  11. Anonymous

    I agree, it is ridiculous and unmemorable and definitely uncool. I can pick a better name in a coma.

  12. Anonymous

    What about BeerSch? One syllable, easy to pronounce, has the sound "beer" in it. A little clunky to write maybe, but easy to slur.

  13. Anonamoose

    Don't give a fuck what bullshit nickname a fucking fruit came up with, I'm still calling it Bernie's.

  14. Maybe I'm old school

    But I'm definitely only going to refer to it as Old Havana.

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