Menu CATEGORIES

Connect with us

CATEGORIES Menu
All Articles

You Named A Bar And Won A Pizza

shutterstock_111605738

Our beer prize has doubled!

Since Friday, we’ve been flooded with suggestions about what to name the newest addition to our Columbia family. After all, in a world filled with MoHi and Prezbo, a name like Bernheim & Schwartz doesn’t exactly roll of the tongue. We extend claps, emoji stars, and bittersweet participation trophies to everyone who submitted names to us — the competition was steep and the choice was mildly difficult.

But alas, we have come to a decision.

*drumroll please*

Bernheim & Schwartz is now to be referred to as BoSchwo. Close contenders were Bernie’s, B & S, BS, and Bernz. Our lucky winner, Alex Chang, explains the choice best: “You can call frequenters the BoSchwoisie, and people get BoSchwasted on Senior Night.” How right you are, Alex.

And, to our dear Alex Chang, we extend a resounding congratulations! A million crab emojis! While we were slightly stingy with our prize, BoSchwo itself reached out to Bwog and offered to expand the prize to a six-pack of branded beer, a pizza, AND a liter of their own craft beer! Wowie! With prizes like those, you could throw a pretty quiet party! Oh Alex, you lucky human, you.

If you’re not totally sold on the nickname expect a visit from the Bwog Secret Police, here are some easy ways to integrate BoSchwo into everyday phrases:

  • “She was going so hard last week; what a freakin’ BoSchwarrior.”
  • “He’s gained so much BoSchweight recently that it’s like his beer belly has a beer belly.”
  • “Gather round, sailors, for I have a BoShwhale of a tale!”
  • “I love BoSchwo so much, I’m going to name my daughter BoSchwanda!”

Celebratory *clink* via Shutterstock

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.

 

30 Comments

  • student says:

    @student this… is horrible

  • but says:

    @but weekend at bernie’s was so good!

  • jt says:

    @jt this is so gay

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous this nickname sucks

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous now we can’t play “movin’ like bernie” ironically and do the bernie dance. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRBLmogRL4c

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous now we can’t ironically listen to “move it like bernie” and do the bernie dance.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous this isn’t even a logical nickname

    i will continue to call it “b and s”

  • What says:

    @What B and S it is.

  • Nope. says:

    @Nope. It shall forever be Beer Hall.
    Long live Beer Hall, my new home.

  • Peaches says:

    @Peaches Hey, HEY, HEY!!!!

    GUIZE (this is Alex Chang),

    It doesn’t make sense, but neither does most fucking egregious NYC abbreviations. Also, this was mostly Brit Byrd’s idea, so go complain to him about it.

    1. Peaches says:

      @Peaches ALSO BECAUSE I’M A SENIOR THIS IS MY…
      (•_•)

      ( •_•)>⌐■-■

      (⌐■_■)

      BOSCHWAN SONG

    2. Peaches says:

      @Peaches Also BerSch is clearly the second best option, to settle that debate.

      1. Brit says:

        @Brit ALL of these were my (boschwasted) ideas.

        But thx for taking the hate bub

        1. k.S. says:

          @k.S. Hey Brit you were in my class last year and I thought you were hot. Are You single and looking to mingle?

          1. Brit says:

            @Brit Depends–what do you think of the name BoSchwo?

    3. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous The problem isn’t whether or not it makes sense. The problem is that it’s a fucking garbage nickname shoehorned in when much better alternatives were already presented.

      1. Peaches says:

        @Peaches What, like “Weekend at Bernie’s?” Sure it’s a solid reference, and is kinda clever, but it’s so unwieldy. Are you serious that that’s a better nickname?

        >Where are you going out?
        >Well we’re gonna go to the Heights and 1020, but maybe we’ll go to Weekend at Bernie’s.

        What if it’s not the weekend (like senior night which is the only reasonable time to go considering their prices)? What about the fact that “Weekend at Bernie’s” takes up more syllables than the full Bernheim and Schwartz name? BS? That’s… ok, it really lends itself to… um… yeah, see? It doesn’t flow well, and comes of the tongue poorly, and the only thing really BS about BoSchwo are the prices and mediocre food/decor and the insistence that anyone who has the humor beyond a 6th grade level really finds it clever. B&S? Slightly better, comes more naturally, but then again, it’s not really special or otherwise clever and sounds more like a root beer brand than a bar.

        BoSchwo IS contrived like literally any Manhattan/Northern Brooklyn-based abbreviation, though it still has a charm to it. BoSchwo is concise and just pretentious enough for what it is. BoSchwo is still awkward enough where you have to have to put in a concerted effort to say which is probably a perfect submission for this type of competition. Additionally the puns are endless, and ripe for Bwog writers to butcher abhorrently.

        *ashes cigarette a la Don Draper

        BoSchwo… um… we’re still better than Pourhouse? (we’re still working on the slogan)

        #HatersGonnaHate #YouCareTooMuchAboutABullshitContest #ICareTooMuchAboutABullshitContest #DoesntMatterStillWon #FuckYouIGotPizzaAndBeer #SuckABagOfDeliciousBoSchwoOatmealStout #WhyAmICommentingOnBwogInsteadOfDoingWork

        1. Anonymous says:

          @Anonymous Look, dude, I know you’re thrilled you won the contest, but just stop. No one in their right mind would use this garbage nickname. Maybe if Bwog keeps shoehorning it in, some freshmen who don’t know any better will start using it, but that’s just because Bwog refuses to admit when it’s wrong.

          Call it Beer Hall, Bernie’s, B&S. Just anything but BoSchwo.

          1. Peaches says:

            @Peaches k

        2. Anohnathan says:

          @Anohnathan You’re really gonna call “Haters Gonna Hate” on a stupid nickname contest?

          Wow. They say you can tell someone by the quality of their enemies. You either set the gain way too low, or you gots some LAME haters. Yo.

          See what I did there, all ironically? ;)

  • yus says:

    @yus BOSCHWANDA

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Peaches offers a solid defence. I’m still not saying this.

    1. Peaches says:

      @Peaches To be honest, this is one of those cases where something is so bad you start saying it ironically as a joke, but then do it so often you just fall back on it as an actual thing. (see: hella, finna, yolo, yoloswag, swag, basic, etc.)

  • Scotches says:

    @Scotches Anything more thank 2 syllables is just not worth the effort. BoSchwo or Bernie’s it is.

    1. Anohnathan says:

      @Anohnathan Where do you go, anyway, that you can’t spare the braincells to remember names longer than two syllables? Going to CoLo to get your LawDeeg, or what?

      Anyway, one vote for Das Beerhalle.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous I agree, it is ridiculous and unmemorable and definitely uncool. I can pick a better name in a coma.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous What about BeerSch? One syllable, easy to pronounce, has the sound “beer” in it. A little clunky to write maybe, but easy to slur.

  • Am I too late?? says:

    @Am I too late?? Schwanz

  • Anonamoose says:

    @Anonamoose Don’t give a fuck what bullshit nickname a fucking fruit came up with, I’m still calling it Bernie’s.

  • Maybe I'm old school says:

    @Maybe I'm old school But I’m definitely only going to refer to it as Old Havana.

  • Have Your Say

    Where are you going this summer?

    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

    Recent Comments

    If the whites won't save us, who will? (read more)
    Ira Katznelson Named Interim Provost of Columbia University
    August 25, 2019
    If they were POC, that would be cultural appropriation (read more)
    COMIC: 5 Things I Wish I’d Known Before I Got To Columbia
    August 23, 2019
    Just double the tax (read more)
    A Columbia First Year’s Guide To Tipping
    August 23, 2019