Aug

4

Gone Too Soon: July Round-Up 2017

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Monday marked the tragic end of July – a steamy and dreamy month that seemed to have begun yesterday. July gave us 31 days of sweat and stank (especially if you are spending it in the armpit of the U.S. that is the mid-Atlantic), but it also gave us hope that summer would never end. In its place, July leaves us August, a month even hotter and nastier than its predecessor, with a stinging reminder that papers, problem sets, and Paw Print are close. But before we get caught up in the fate of our dissolving summer, here’s what happened to Columbia in July:

  • Next Tuesday, the Southern District Court of New York will hear the oral arguments for  the Roskin-Frazee v. Columbia University case. Here’s an overview of what has happened so far. 
  • Speaking of lawsuits: Columbia’s suit with Paul Nungesser has been settled, two years after it was filed.
  • Theodore de Bary, a former Columbia professor and well-known sinologist, passed away.
  • New Barnard president Sian Beilock was briefly on campus, made an introductory video, then left NYC again.
  • Spec is moving! Temporarily to Manhattanville, and then after that, who knows. (Wall Street? Bushwick? Jersey City? Mars? Hopefully?)
  • Columbia is giving out fidget spinners to new students, and has already started with some trial spinners handed out in Low. We’d love to review them, if we could get our hands on one…
  • We saw Meryl Streep on campus, blocking off Low and participating in a staged protest for Steven Spielberg’s new movie Pentagon Papers.
  • Barnard’s new magnolia tree seems to be faring much better than its predecessor, at least so far.
  • The CU Republicans are in a bit of a bind, after Martin Shkreli, whom they secured as a speaker for next semester, has been found guilty of fraud. They will more definitely be hosting Ed Kox, Mike Cernovich, and other notable conservatives.
  • Shake Shack is getting closer and closer to its opening date… A menu can now be seen through those tantalizingly open doors.

There’s also quite a lot of construction going on on campus right now – so much that we’re devoting a whole section of the post to it! You can follow updates closely on the Columbia Facilities Facebook page and read in-depth descriptions on the Facilities website, but here are some highlights:

  • Butler’s renovation is moving along visibly; when completed, this construction will create “permanent, accessible entryways” to the library’s main entrance.
  • Uris’ entrance doors are being replaced.
  • Several science buildings are getting labs renovated or constructed, including Mudd, Fairchild, Havemeyer, Schapiro, NoCo, and the Computer Science Building.
  • The GS lounge in Lewisohn is getting a “refresh”. Maybe after this, CC, SEAS, and BC students will actually bother to find out where it is?
  • Wien is getting new student lounges, new vanities, and new mailboxes. (After this summer, all mail services will be in Wien, nothing remaining in Lerner.)
  • Carman is getting a “modernization”, with renovations on floors 11, 12, and 13, and new lounges across from the elevator and accessible rooms added to each floor.
  • 38 EC townhouse suites are being renovated, acquiring new kitchen appliances, new furniture, new lighting, and more. Because the townhouses needed to get even more desirable.
  • Barnard’s new library is looking less and less like a pile of dirt each week! We’re not sure how we feel about that siding, though.

And here’s the news you’ve really been waiting for: what Bwog staffers have gotten up to this past month. These field notes are about as wet and wild as you’d expect:

  • Took a dump in the stall next to a member of Congress
  • Almost had sex in a tent
  • Lost 10 pounds because I’m too lazy to make my own lunch and too cheap to buy it
  • Went in the water at the beach and got slammed so hard that I knocked over 3 kids on my way back to the shore
  • Spent the 4th of July at Coney Island smoking joints on the beach
  • Got my very first speeding ticket
  • Got a dental implant
  • Had my bank account reach $0 for the first time ever; Barnard won’t fucking pay me
  • Cried watching the Virgin America safety video
  • Drank an entire bottle of wine by myself on Low steps (somehow without being caught by public safety officers or high school program kids)
  • Stayed home with the gf playing Hatoful Boyfriend on the 4th in DC
  • Did my first body shot
  • Climbed onto an apartment building roof, drunk, via one of those vertical ladders. Set off an alarm. Left my solo cup on a random person’s windowsill along the way
  • Almost died at a party and called my dad to pick me up from the hospital (like I wasn’t even in the ER, I was just standing in front of the hospital because it’s a landmark that’s easy for him to find me at)
  • Saw the same Broadway musical twice in two weeks
  • Got drunk with my brother and watched him drink a container of honey mustard dipping sauce.
  • Got drunk on my neighbor’s roof and couldn’t get down. Ended up (not so stealthily) crawling into a window and spilling my drink all over their carpet.
  • A guy I used to work with at Starbucks randomly hand delivered me 2 dozen scones for free in the middle of the night
  • Took up knitting

Butler photos via CU Facilities; all other photos via Bwog Staff

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4 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Was just at Columbia. The renovations and new construction look fantastic.

  2. intersectional 10th wave feminist

    5 men I didn't find attractive looked at me, filed 6 gender based misconduct complaints.

  3. Anonymous

    Alternative facts and false news are Jesuit casuistry Trump picked up at Fordham, Coochtown-on-Hudson. At least Bill Clinton went to the original Choochtown. Bollinger learned it by marrying the cousin of corrupt Nassau county executives

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