Daily Archive: September 11, 2017

Sep

11

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nostalgic for days past (summer)

The first week of shopping period was stressful, but in one of those nice ways where you don’t have too much work by the time the weekend rolls around. We all find different ways to release that stress, some of us uptown, some of us down. Some people don’t even leave their room, because what’s the big deal about New York anyway? Here’s what we did:

Making our way: 

  • Had my first sober pee in Mel’s.
  • Witnessed a man who looked like he’d stepped out of a portal from the 1920s on the one train.
  • Made a bunch of people cry.
  • Made matzah ball soup out of a box.
  • Went to Tom’s with my dad and my girlfriend.
  • Partied with some of my first years from my NSOP group #OLlife
  • Fell asleep at Hungarian while trying to read Plato’s Republic.
  • Spent $95 at Trader Joes getting my pantry “stocked,” but continued to order take out instead of cooking my own food.
  • Got a fever.
  • Went to Appletree 3 nights in a row. On the second night I bonded with 2 cops whilst inebriated.
  • Went to Beta for the first time! Ended up leaving after 20 mins because they stopped playing music?
  • Befriended these guys from SUNY Maritime and dumped them on frat row after they made fun of Long Island.
  • Learned Git.

Downtown:

  • Ate a chili pepper from a plant at the farmers market and lost all my street cred (was way too spicy for me).
  • Went to ikea for a dish rack and came back with a whole ass tree.
  • Partied with NY Fashion Week models in Bushwick; still not entirely convinced I didn’t dream the entire experience.
  • Spent 4 hrs getting my hair highlighted but got a dope student discount. Love my hairdresser!
  • Almost pissed myself in an Anthropologie from laughing too hard with my best friend.
  • Had a wonderful time reuniting with my babysitting fam!
  • Remembered the hell of trying to get people to pay in Venmo in exchange for goods and services.

 

 

 

Sep

11

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Where you’ll inevitably get into a drunken fight with your froomie.

Now that we’ve all been back on campus for a few weeks, roommate troubles are starting to become apparent (how’s that ten person suite, Carman?). You don’t get along, your room is constantly sticky, and their taste in music sucks. Here’s some advice on what to do if you hate your roommate. 

  • Steal those red velvet walkway dividers from the Lerner ramp outside Ferris. Put them up in the middle of your room so that there is a clear divide between your side of the room and theirs.
  • Cover all your furniture in plastic wrap like old people. That way, when your roommate pukes all over your bed, it’s easy cleanup.
  • Passive aggressively always leave the door open whenever you leave the room instead of closing it behind you. Tell your roommate it’s because you’re just trying to create a more open atmosphere in your suite.
  • Keep using their shampoo. It’s your way of milking off them while still keeping it (somewhat) discreet.
  • Get a significant other so that you can just spend the night at their place. Then come back every morning at 8 am and loudly rummage through your drawers before taking a really long shower where you use all the hot water.
  • Listen to music on your headphones so as not to disturb your roommate. But, don’t forget to turn the volume all the way up so they can still hear the twangy rumblings of your Spotify Daily Mix 2 as they try to fall asleep.
  • Label everything, so that they don’t try to steal your stuff. Simply take a Sharpie and write “MINE” on every single one of your possessions.
  • Study at really odd hours of the day. Insist on turning on the lamp at 4 am so you can catch up on the Odyssey. Maybe this will persuade your roommate to just give you their notes instead so you can turn the damn light off and they can go the fuck to sleep.
  • Never replace the toilet paper roll in the bathroom. Just leave the new roll propped up on the empty toilet paper holder. This will assert your dominance as The Worst.
  • Come back to the room super drunk at 2 am every single Friday night. Wake your roommate up by stumbling over everything and loudly puking in the bathroom. This way they’ll know how Fun™ you are.
  • Finally, if worst comes to worst, have an honest and open conversation with your roommate. Try to come up with compromises and solutions that are fair for both of you. Maybe even ask your RA for help mediating. This is the last resort!

Carman Hall it doesn’t get better via Columbia Housing

Sep

11

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ghosts are 100% real and present on this campus

As fall begins, we’re already feeling spooky and ready for Halloween. We at Bwog love Halloween content, so we’re starting early. New Bwogger Abby Rubel analyzes which campus figures are most ghost-like, as in: we’ve heard about them, we’re slightly scared of them, and we never see them because ghosts are invisible. 

  1. PrezBo: Even when you catch a rare glimpse of PrezBo on campus, he doesn’t seem all there, as if he’s occupied with important issues that we mere mere mortals could never comprehend. And sure, he teaches that one class every semester, but ghosts can teach classes. Just ask Harry Potter.
  2. Deantini: Deantini is slightly more visible than PrezBo, but not by much, so he’s probably a ghost too. He communicates exclusively by sending emails, and any ghost worth their salt can manipulate electronics. Most of them prefer to intimidate the people who killed them, but if Deantini wants to spend his ghostly time being bland and moderately unhelpful, who are we to judge?
  3. John Coatsworth: You’re pretty sure he’s important–the title “Provost” certainly sounds imposing–but what does he actually do? Probably uses his ghostly powers to make sure students are using the library appropriately and not having fun there at all.
  4. The Trustees: A quick internet search will tell you who they are, but the Board of Trustees seems suspiciously like a shadow organization that quietly rules Columbia from the background. Sounds like the perfect organization for a bunch of ghosts if you ask us.
  5. Alexander Hamilton: Legend has it that if you’re in Hamilton past midnight and listen very closely, you can hear the man himself bitching about how little sleep he’s been getting lately.
  6. Your frat hookup: You had one night of crazy (or, more likely, drunken) passion with this guy, only to never see or hear from him again. Most likely explanation: he died of a pizza overdose fifty years ago and can only return to this world on the anniversary of his death for one night of revelry. He didn’t tell you because he didn’t want to ruin the moment and thought it would be less painful this way.*
  7. *If any frat boys try this, let us know how it goes!

 

Sep

11

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Fave for soaking up the alc inside

Fave for soaking up the alc inside

In the days of yore, the only food you could scarf down after a night of debauchery was (1) halal, (2) Koronet’s, or (3) Roti Roll, the holy trinity of grease-filled comfort food. As of this month, we can add a fourth destination for those stumbling home from a night out: JJ’s Place, revamped, revitalized, and now open from 12 pm to 10 am, every day of the week. This change is accompanied by several implications for the beleaguered, and unfailingly cheerful, staff of JJ’s Place. Namely: they will have to clean up the puke of freshmen (and juvenile upperclassmen). How much will they have to take, and will their smiles turn upside down?

B-of-the-E Assumptions

  • Assume 85% of Columbia freshmen were unbelievably uncool in high school, to the extent that they (compensate and) start off the school year by going out every weekend and drinking to excess. This number goes down to 65% within a month of each semester’s start, reaches a nadir of 30% during midterms and finals, and otherwise fluctuates throughout each semester.
    • Of the remaining 15% of students, assume 5% drink to excess once a semester, when in a pit of despair.

We sure do suck

Sep

11

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when you finally get off that waitlist but now you have to think about what to drop

Happening in the world: Myanmar is experiencing militant violence between religious groups (Rohingya Muslim minority, Buddhist majority) and the government. Many are considering it genocide, but leader and Nobel Peace Prize winner Aung San Suu denies allocations of ethnic cleansing.

Happening in the nation: After a few too many people responded to a Facebook event to shoot at Hurricane Irma in hopes of turning it around, the Coalition to Stop Gun Violence had to tweet a warning (complete with a diagram) demonstrating why shooting 150mph winds is a bad idea.

Happening in NYC: Today, we recognize the anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attack. If you’re in the mood for a good cry and/or want to pay your respects, head downtown to see exhibitions or the commemoration ceremony, which will be livestreamed as well .

Happening on Campus: Welcome to the second half of shopping period! If you’re not still in a frenzy to find courses, check out SGA’s first meeting of the year (where there will be free Pinkberry) or go on a guided historical tour of campus!

Overheard: (in a 616 suite) “In other words, we’re all already messing up this semester.”

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