11 Types Of People You Share Butler Study Desks With

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Butler Ref (300-level)
Butler Ref (300-level)

You know these people. I know these people. Everyone knows these people.

After spending an inordinate time in Butler this week to study for her midterms, this Bwogger has noticed that each person she shares a study desk usually falls under one of these following archetypes. Here are her observations:

  • The Eater. The Eater likes to open loud bags of chips, or paper-wrapped sandwiches, or maybe is shoveling a full-on, five-course meal.
  • The Old Person. They’re often sitting there reading a newspaper or sometimes a book. Oftentimes, they fall asleep and snore loudly. How did they get in here again?
  • The Couture Model, aka the International Student. They are often found sporting Yeezy’s, a Louis Vuitton purse, and some other expenny shit. Hanging off the back of their chair is probably their Canada Goose (or Moncler).
  • The Person Crying. Self-explanatory. If you’re this person, feel better, and consider following Bwog’s guide to places to cry next time.
  • The Non-Academic. This person is very obviously not studying. They’re probably suppressing a giggle while looking at their screen, or have been scrolling through their phone for the past hour.
  • The Academic. The person actually grinds hard, and kind of makes you feel bad about yourself.
  • The Frat Guy. The Frat Guy’s bros like to stop by the table. He is always talking. In fact, you don’t remember a time when he wasn’t talking.
  • The Accidentalist. This person accidentally opens a Snapchat with the sound on and it’s really loud. Some people around them snicker, and they get really embarrassed.
  • The Hoarder. Having brought perhaps their entire dorm with them, the Hoarder takes up way too much space at the desk. Their papers are….everywhere.
  • The Sus. This person is either really sus or is just watching porn. They could be watching horse porn. We can’t tell.
  • The marching band member in disguise. Remember Orgo Night?

Photo via Bwoggie Archives

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  1. Anonymous

    You missed the Smoker

  2. Butler

    The sniffler
    Everyone's worst nightmare

  3. Anonymous

    Bag lady on Low Steps actually texted this to me:

    I keep changing my password because they prompt me to but then they lock me out for doing it too much because the bag lady next to me in the library hexed me.
    The pointer moves around too much because the spider is playing with the touchpad trying to weave a web on my nose shaped like a satanic alchemist pentagram.
    Why do all alien abductions occur while leaving the bar?
    Demons trick me into supersizing my drinks so I think I got diarrhea because they know I am afraid of using public toilets because I have a hard time cleaning my hairy hemorrhoids at the library sink.
    My look and feel settings keep changing because the millenials who
    work at the social networks have nothing better to do but play with stuffed voodoo chipmunks on their shoulders which randomly and demonically slows down the computer.
    Credit cards and loans change the amount I owe despite the fact that I pay the same amount every seven weeks.
    I refuse to brush my teeth because the enamel will come off and make my teeth hurt.
    The insects use the asbestos from my plaster, shingles, tiles and pipes for nesting material.
    My messages never get sent because I tap music with my foot on the power cord and the computer keeps shutting down, caused by drawings of satanic moon residents on the soap container.
    I keep replacing my cellular phone because it keeps flashing 666-1984 and disappears
    I keep dialing wrong numbers, getting stuff I never ordered and people reply to messages I never sent because my youthful inebriety enabled me to discern demonic facial features.

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