Bwog To File Class Action Lawsuit Against Columbia University Frat Beta Theta Pi
Written by Idris O'Neill
In an effort to raise funding to hire copy editors, Bwog is cashing in on everyone who has ever crossed us. Based on empirical information we have gathered in totally legit practices, Bwog has decided to file suit against Beta because damn, how many people have to fall down your stairs before you fix them?
I’ve never asked for much from Beta. Sure, we had our differences when the pledges made me wait outside in 30 degrees when I was dressed in a crop top and shorts. Then there was that time I called you guys racist for not letting me in and the stoop boys, still refusing to let me in, asked me to stop. I didn’t even complain when you would kick me out from behind the bar despite being the better (and hotter) bartender. We have a complicated relationship and that’s fine. I would even go as far to call myself, despite everything, a friend of the frat.
Avid readers of Bwog will know that we generally have nothing against the frat, but this past weekend became a turning point for us. It came as disturbing news to us when two Bwoggers revealed they had fallen down the stairs at Beta. This, coupled with the recent Columbia Crushes post (pictured below) stating “you fell down the stairs at beta, but I fell you for you,” has prompted Bwog to investigate the 45 comments under the post.
Having fallen down the stairs at Beta myself, not once but twice, I can vouch that these stairs just aren’t functional. In fact, I’ve fallen a third time from their stoop. While this could be very telling of my own ability to use stairs, I am validated by the tens of other people who have also suffered at the hands of Beta. Bwog believes that Beta has an architectural problem – not one they could easily identify with all of them being econ, history, political science majors, or any combination of the three.
“It’s bad,” an anonymous source, identifying themselves as a SEAS student, informed us.
I’m not SEAS, but that definitely sounds right. I feel Beta’s painful architecture every time I look at my broken ankles, never having healed right since that time. With multiple Bwoggers having suffered the horrific structure of Beta’s stairs, we have collectively decided to take legal action against the frat. We’d like Beta to ask our subpeona who it knows here. We call upon the greater Columbia community to put an end to bad architecture. Sure, we could aim for the whole removal of Lerner or a renovation of Hamilton’s single elevator, but we want to focus on something that actually affects our livelihood: where we party.
Shoot an e-mail to email@example.com with any Beta horror stories or to join our cause.
the monster house itself via Bwog Archives
Tags: also s/o to kevin for challenging me and my Serious Journalism, bad bwitches only, beta theta cry as yw says, bwog gets its DUES. were coming for throats and frat boys, my ankles hurt writing this post, s/o to the boys who were like "we can help u" immediately followed by "we cant help you" i dont even remember which boys it was but i hate u