Menu CATEGORIES

Connect with us

CATEGORIES Menu
All Articles

Bwog To File Class Action Lawsuit Against Columbia University Frat Beta Theta Pi

Also suing for the emotional distress of looking at this ugly house

In an effort to raise funding to hire copy editors, Bwog is cashing in on everyone who has ever crossed us. Based on empirical information we have gathered in totally legit practices, Bwog has decided to file suit against Beta because damn, how many people have to fall down your stairs before you fix them?

I’ve never asked for much from Beta. Sure, we had our differences when the pledges made me wait outside in 30 degrees when I was dressed in a crop top and shorts. Then there was that time I called you guys racist for not letting me in and the stoop boys, still refusing to let me in, asked me to stop. I didn’t even complain when you would kick me out from behind the bar despite being the better (and hotter) bartender. We have a complicated relationship and that’s fine. I would even go as far to call myself, despite everything, a friend of the frat.

Avid readers of Bwog will know that we generally have nothing against the frat, but this past weekend became a turning point for us. It came as disturbing news to us when two Bwoggers revealed they had fallen down the stairs at Beta. This, coupled with the recent Columbia Crushes post (pictured below) stating “you fell down the stairs at beta, but I fell you for you,” has prompted Bwog to investigate the 45 comments under the post.

45 comments is too many

Having fallen down the stairs at Beta myself, not once but twice, I can vouch that these stairs just aren’t functional. In fact, I’ve fallen a third time from their stoop. While this could be very telling of my own ability to use stairs, I am validated by the tens of other people who have also suffered at the hands of Beta. Bwog believes that Beta has an architectural problem – not one they could easily identify with all of them being econ, history, political science majors, or any combination of the three.

“It’s bad,” an anonymous source, identifying themselves as a SEAS student, informed us.

I’m not SEAS, but that definitely sounds right. I feel Beta’s painful architecture every time I look at my broken ankles, never having healed right since that time. With multiple Bwoggers having suffered the horrific structure of Beta’s stairs, we have collectively decided to take legal action against the frat. We’d like Beta to ask our subpeona who it knows here. We call upon the greater Columbia community to put an end to bad architecture. Sure, we could aim for the whole removal of Lerner or a renovation of Hamilton’s single elevator, but we want to focus on something that actually affects our livelihood: where we party.

Shoot an e-mail to tips@bwog.com with any Beta horror stories or to join our cause.

the monster house itself via Bwog Archives

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.

 

4 Comments

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Rush Beta

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Ugliest house on the block!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Hahaha

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous It’s because of santorum

  • Have Your Say

    What should Bwog's new tagline be?

    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

    Popular This Week

    Sorry. No data so far.

    Recent Comments

    This is great news Columbia is opening up on schedule. (read more)
    Academic Calendar Updates, Pre-Orientation Programs Canceled Or Modified
    June 25, 2020
    EXPEL ALL RACISTS FROM COLUMBIA! Tod Howard Hawks, Columbia College, Class of 1966 (read more)
    Racist Messages In FIJI GroupMe Surface, Involved Members Asked To Disaffiliate
    June 25, 2020
    It is great Columbia will be opening on time in the fall. (read more)
    Academic Calendar Updates, Pre-Orientation Programs Canceled Or Modified
    June 25, 2020
    It was delicious and so beautiful topped with edible flowers!!🌸 (read more)
    Cooking With Bwog: Pandemic Bread Pudding
    June 25, 2020

    Comment Policy

    The purpose of Bwog’s comment section is to facilitate honest and open discussion between members of the Columbia community. We encourage commenters to take advantage of—without abusing—the opportunity to engage in anonymous critical dialogue with other community members. A comment may be moderated if it contains:
    • A slur—defined as a pejorative derogatory phrase—based on ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, or spiritual belief
    • Hate speech
    • Unauthorized use of a person’s identity
    • Personal information about an individual
    • Baseless personal attacks on specific individuals
    • Spam or self-promotion
    • Copyright infringement
    • Libel