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Daily Archive: May 9, 2018

May

9

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‘Slay.jpg’

Our last senior wisdom of the day comes from Joshua Burton: one of the few, the proud, the CCSC Sandwich Ambassadors.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Joshua Burton. Columbia College. Political Science. Buffalo, NY

Claim to fame: The first ever Sandwich Ambassador. The one black guy in CU Dems. The person who willingly decided to run student council elections his senior spring. That person always seen with Will Essilfie.

Where are you going? Currently, Dallas, Texas. But ask me again in a week.

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2022?

1. Learn to trust yourself.

2. Even when you play yourself–it’s never your fault.

3. Act with the confidence of a man in salmon shorts.

Mourning 24-hour HamDel and more after the jump

May

9

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Staff Writer Megan Wylie is tired of people asking her what her plans are after graduation. Really tired. 

As I walked out of my final final of my life, I had a realization: what the hell am I supposed to do now? I sent in applications and reviewed my resume, but we have become so accustomed to an academic schedule that it’s hard to imagine a world not centered on homework and student orgs.

So that leaves us (me) here: lying on my couch in my pajamas watching Netflix and eating cereal. In the midst of all of this, I have to repeatedly dodge calls from my mother who for some reason, thinks I have a staunch desire to be unemployed.

But after sixteen years of continuous education, do we really have to answer to every single person asking us what our next career move is? Do we deserve the pitied looks that we get once we say we don’t have a summer internship? Or do we have the chance to adjust to the real world?

I have to deal with probably never taking another blue book exam ever again, so I think I deserve to process my nostalgia by watching seven seasons of a television procedural and not changing for six days straight. And do I deserve to sleep for 15 hours without the impending doom of Butler? Probably not after what I sent in as my final paper, but I’ll still treat myself to it.

The moral of this post is that instead of stressing to appease all these people, I feel like we should be able to take a fucking break for two months before we enter the world of cubicles and mediocre coffee.

May

9

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Hope that was a donger!

“Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer.” -Ted Williams, the greatest hitter who ever lived. Guest Writer Brian Smallshaw examines senior Randell Kanemaru’s hitting as the Lions prepare to take on Cornell in their last regular games of the season.

It’s a common question amongst baseball fans: how does someone determine who the best hitter in history is? Between the hot dog-fueled dingers smashed by Babe Ruth, the 4367 hits by Ichiro, and the fear that Albert Pujols inspired in Brad Lidge’s heart just thirteen years ago, it can be hard to choose only one player from over 100 years of baseball history. And yet, one player does stand out. Why? Because he managed to succeed four out of ten times, way better than a measly three out of ten times. His name was Ted Williams.

Last year, it seemed as if Columbia had its own college-level version of Ted Williams: then-junior Randell Kanemaru. He was just five points away from .400—an amazing feat in any league. In case you need reference for how tough that is, the last major league player to accomplish a .400 batting average was (you guessed it) Ted Williams, way back in 1941 when he posted a .406 batting average.

Halfway through this season, Kanemaru was batting well, achieving a .365 average. As Kanemaru’s senior year comes to a close, however, he’s hit a slump and drifted down to .309—a solid average by any means, but not up to the level of play that many expected going into this season. This slump comes at a particularly bad time for the Lions, who need to do well against Cornell this weekend if they hope to overtake Dartmouth in the rankings and head to the Ivy League Championship Series. If Kanemaru can get back to his junior-year level of hitting, the Lions may do just that.

Last year, Kanemaru led the entire Ivy League in batting average, outpacing Harvard’s Patrick Robinson by a full 23 points, even with 31 more at bats. And before anyone tells me that batting average is an outdated statistic and that contact hitters don’t produce runs like power hitters do, I want you to consider that Kanemaru was tied for fifth in the league in home runs (7). Overall, he slashed .395/.435/.625, which is good for a solid 1.060 OPS. Want more comparisons to major league stats? I got plenty. Last year, Yankees phenom Aaron Judge finished second in the majors with a 1.049 OPS. Right now, however, Kanemaru is slashing .309/.422/.473 which makes his OPS .895.

In order to work his way out of this slump, Kanemaru is trying to clear his head at the plate and go back to basics. “I’m just trying to relax and go back to my old approach, just like seeing the ball, hitting the ball,” he said. Head Coach Brett Boretti concurred that “A lot of it is approach, more so than even physical as far as what you’re trying to do—getting at bats, getting a pitch to work with when you’re going up to the plate.” Both Kanemaru and Coach Boretti seem confident that Kanemaru can get back on track. Hopefully he will rediscover the approach that worked so well for him junior year against Cornell this weekend.

Photo via gocolumbialions.com

May

9

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I guess you’re going to be spending a lot of time at the Diana Center or something.

In the frantic rush to study for all your finals, write three 10-page papers you’ve been putting off all semester, and try not to drown from all the stress, something’s got to give and your ID is the easiest thing to lose in the shuffle. But after the fourth or fifth time in a row giving a bored Public Safety officer your UNI, you might want to try figuring something out. In order to spare you $20 and the trip to Hartley, Bwog compiled a list of places you might want to check first.

  • Under your bed, next to the key you haven’t used since September
  • Butler, after you broke down and went there for the first time this semester
  • The entrance of JJ’s/John Jay/Ferris
  • EC, because you got so drunk trying to forget your finals, you forgot your stuff as well
  • Wein Lounge, somehow?
  • Hanging off the back of the Wind Ensemble’s bass drum
  • At a bar where you said you “lost” your state ID and tried to use your student ID to prove that you were 21
  • The pocket of whatever pants you were just wearing
  • On the lawns somewhere. It doesn’t matter though; you’re still outside anyway trying to sunbathe away the Seasonal Affective Disorder
  • Next to the socks, that one library book and your really cute sweater that have gone missing since winter break
  • Still at Public Safety, because you bought a new one five minutes before they emailed you about it
  • In the hollow remains of Amigos/Rite-Aid/M2M/[insert your favorite here]
  • In your wallet, but you didn’t find it until you already got the lockout key
  • On the ground in Riverside Park, being chewed by a curious puppy or small child
  • In your hookup’s room after your attempts to de-stress(if you don’t know how to ask for it back, we have some advice there too)
  • In a friend’s wallet, so you won’t be able to lose it anymore
  • WOODBRIDGE 2J I SWEAR TO GOD IT’S STILL THERE FROM 2 YEARS AGO

will idalena cardholder be our new bff? via Columbia SSC

 

May

9

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A brave young mouse, descending to new floors

Last week, Bwogger Lucy Danger found a mouse in her room. The following is a short narrative from the perspective of said mouse, herefore known as “Mickey.”

She found me for the first time last week.

I’ve been around all year, mostly hiding in the walls behind the pipes. I stay in Brooks, because it’s older and easier to get around. I’ve gone from floor to floor before, but always ended up back on the 4th floor – it’s the comfiest; the rooms are smaller but the space is made up for in the walls.

Anyway, I liked their room a lot when I did come out of the wall for food or to stretch my legs. There was almost always a Goldfish cracker or two on the floor to munch on (I think that’s the only thing the blonde one eats). And one of them started staying mostly at her boyfriend’s place, leaving extra room for me.

But one day, I wasn’t careful enough. It was quiet in the room, had been for hours. I thought nobody was there, so I crept out around the corner and began sniffing around the recycling bin for a snack. But then I saw her, the one who’s always shouting about how gay she is. She was sitting at her desk, doing homework I think (is that what they do when they sit and look at the silver rectangle screen?) I tried to slowly back out before she saw me and did anything, but I think she saw me move. She looked over, and I hid for my life. I couldn’t do it anymore – I had to get out of there. So I booked it back around the corner and through the hole by the pipes under the bed. But it was too late. She saw me run, and I heard her scream and the door slam. How could I ever go back?

What’s happening??

May

9

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Hoping to look this content when we’re done with finals

Alissa Kruidenier is swooping in with some killer advice on moderating your time at Columbia. Oh, and she really wants you to staff CMUNNY.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Alissa Kruidenier, GS (Dual BA with SciencesPo), MESAAS and “Social Sciences,” Santa Barbara, California.

Claim to fame: Rick Riordan named me Demigod of the Week in 2009 and I think that may have been when I peaked. I’ve also probably asked you to staff CMUNNY.

Where are you going? To go give my friends as many hugs as I can, and then I’ll be moving to Arlington where my only life goal is to be able to cook dinner every night without feeling guilty about wasting time.

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2022?

1. One of my old jump trainers used to scream at me that you have to own the course and you can’t let the course own you. If you need to make a circle, make a circle. If you need to stop, stop. The threat of doing things in a certain order at a certain speed should never control you, and the healthiest and most dedicated people I know here are the ones who took all the time they needed. If you need an extension, ask. If you can and need to take a gap year, take a gap year. We get swallowed into the routine of Columbia and forget to circle when we need to and take a breather or talk to a therapist when it’s healthy. Also, on that note, just about everyone needs therapy at some point, and I think we have to normalize that more. Sometimes you hit rock bottom – or maybe, in my case, just smash through it – and you really need a professional to help sort things out. Always remember you’re in control; fight anything that makes you think otherwise.

Bagels, class recommendations, and more after the jump

May

9

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#whenwillbarnardhavefreelaundry

Rania Siddique spent too much time on econ homework but just enough time penning this short and sweet senior wisdom.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Rania Siddique, Barnard, WGSS + Econ, Lawrenceville NJ

Claim to fame: My winning sense of humor! Also SAFA and Well Woman <3

Where are you going? I’ll be around ;)

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2022?

1. Deadlines are fake

2. Friendship is the most important thing in the world

3. Being straightforward and telling people what you want is actually life-changing

“Back in my day…” m2m was two blocks away and I could get spicy beef udon whenever I wanted :(

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: Fun and flirty gemini / loves to laugh at her own jokes / would die for Lynette from Desperate Housewives

What was your favorite class at Columbia? Art/Work: Sex, Aesthetics, and Capitalism with Alex Pittman. This class is where I first learned about emotional labor in an academic setting and I haven’t stopped talking about it since. Ask me about my thesis if you wanna know more. ;)

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Honestly how dare you

Whom would you like to thank? Simi for keeping me grounded and always calling me out on my shenanigans! Thanks sweetie!

One thing to do before graduating: Play spin the bottle

Any regrets? Not drinking enough water, spending way too much time on econ homework that i could not give a crap about

Photo via Rania Siddique

May

9

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Isaac looking fancy

Today’s first senior wisdom is brought to you by “famed biscuit bro” Isaac Bautista, who has taken some Ls but is here to share what he learned with you.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Isaac Bautista, Columbia College, Astrophysics, El Paso, TX

Claim to fame: Watching football in Butler and an unnatural sleeping schedule. Famed biscuit bro of fall 2015. Took some Ls but ended up with a bae.

Where are you going? Back home to the greatest state in the Union – the land of of low taxes, high speed limits, and loose gun laws.

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2022?

1. Don’t get caught up in the rat race. While all your friends are trying to work for The Goldman Sachs, find something more interesting and fulfilling to do with your life. Or, do nothing. That’s ok too.

2. Kosovo is Serbia.

3. Explore the city. It’s easy to get trapped in the campus bubble. Go out and do cool things. You only have four years here and they’ll fly by before you know it.

A time before the Great Meme War and more after the jump

May

9

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Did I mention Blankenship was prosecuted for a 2010 mine explosion that killed 29 men?

Bwogline: In a loss that reassured both Democrats and Republicans that we haven’t gone totally insane as a country, populist and “Trumpier Than Trump” Senate candidate Don Blankenship lost the Republican primary in West Virginia.

Ok, I’m supposed to end the Bwogline there, but you have to see this. In the final days of the campaign, Blankenship turned his fire on Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, claiming that Mitch’s father-in-law smuggled 90 pounds of cocaine into the country, even calling him
“Cocaine Mitch.” In response to his defeat, the McConnell team posted this on Twitter yesterday, a reference to the show Narcos. 2018 has gone too far, and it’s only May. (NYT/Twitter)

Study Tip: The Pomodoro Method is a good way to stay motivated if you have a large gap of time to fill with studying: work for 25 minutes and then take a break for 5, and every 4 breaks take a half hour. Only check your phone or Twitter during those 5 minutes: it helps to stay focused on the task at hand.

Music: “Somebody get the tacos, somebody spark the blunt / Let’s start the Narcos off at episode one”

Procrastination Tip: Pick a random Wikipedia page and see how fast you can get to “Philosophy” by only clicking hyperlinks. It’s usually possible, given enough jumps.

Overheard: “It’s not about ice cream, it’s not about sunset. It’s about the people.”

hottie via Wikipedia Commons

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