Conspiracy Bwog: 1020’s Mystery Door
Written by Owen Fitzgerald-Diaz
There is a locked door in the back of 1020. There is only one question: what lays within? I have an answer.
Locked doors that no one ever opens are usually a sign that something sinister is going on, especially in dark and slightly dirty locations (however much you may like 1020, I don’t think anyone can make the case that it’s brightly lit or sterile). It’s even worse when they’re tucked away where fewer people will see them- for example, at the very back of an establishment, where fewer patrons will walk past.
With these suspicions in mind, I commenced an investigation. Some initially said they had been told it was merely an innocent storeroom, but they had fear in their eyes when they said this. Clearly, something else was happening. This called for a closer look- what sort of sinister acts could be occurring back there? Was it a CIA black site? Did the statues from St. John’s hold witches’ covens there? Or, for lack of any other explanation, could ancient aliens perhaps be present?
Finally, after a great deal of searching, a source at the highest levels of government, speaking on the condition of anonymity, confirmed that Gritty, the new Philadelphia Flyers mascot who has terrorized the United States and Canada since its first appearance in September, has a sex dungeon underneath 1020 that is accessed through this door. Several Muppets are believed to be being held against their will within. However, since Muppets and NHL mascots apparently have diplomatic immunity or something, there’s nothing that can be done.
dix vingt via Bwog Archives
Tags: (not aliens after all... THIS time), aliens, Gritty strikes again, if you say "1020 is a liminal space" 3 times into a mirror your sink fills with cheap vodka and a ghost comes out of the mirror and drowns you in it, IT GOES ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP, Muppet extrajudicial detention