A young girl imagining a world without Bwog.

What would the world look like without…

Maya Angelou?…Horrible, because we would never know why the caged bird sings. (Nytimes, Hulu)

Email apocalypse?…I don’t know, but can you please remove me from your listserv? (Gothamist, Bwog)

A significant other?…Forever alone. (Buzzfeed, Tumblr)

Stress?…404 Error Not Found.(Huffington Post, 404errorpages)

Without Bwog, where would all the trolls go? via Wikimedia Commons

rage

Justin Bieber can’t seem to do anything right. After the Anne Frank uproar, Twitter blows up, to which Bieber responds with a cartoon of himself and a shirtless girl. (LA Times)

Susan Patton, of “find a husband” fame, gave a talk at Princeton, during which she said that “[college women] will become progressively more desperate every year they waits to find a husband, which ‘has the effect of giving off man-repellent.’” Safety schools… (The Daily Princetonian)

The fifth and sixth floors of Butler will be open 23 hours a day starting this week. This is your gentle reminder that finals are just around the corner and you should start freaking out now. (Columbia University Libraries Blog)

And on a much more serious note, MIT campus police officer Sean Collier was shot and killed last night. Bwog hopes everyone’s friends and family in Boston will stay safe. (Huffington Post)

One of the suspects in the Boston bombing was shot and killed last night. His brother is believed to have escaped on foot. Live continuing coverage of the violence in Boston can be found here. (CNN)

Nipples via Shutterstock

What Bwog wishes the world were like

A massive explosion in a Texas fertilizer plant leaves an unknown number dead and many more injured. (CBS)

A man found in connection with the ricin letters sent to the President was arrested yesterday. (Detroit)

A look at a child who makes us never want to have children ever. Ever. (Yahoo)

The world is pretty messed up right now. I think we all need a little bit of a pick-me-up. (Daily Pics, Buzzfeed)

Focus on the bunnies via Shutterstock

Not even this koala can tip the balance in today’s bwoglines away from “sad”

Two bombs near the finish line of the Boston Marathon yesterday killed three people and injured more than 100. (NYT)

A 7.8 magnitude earthquake hit the Iran-Pakistan border this morning. Hundreds are feared to have been killed. (Reuters)

According to Columbia professor of brain science Eric Kandel, we can learn about our brains from art. Maybe science and the humanities aren’t so different after all? (NYT)

Hopefully you paid your taxes yesterday. Now you can take a look at what you’re actually paying for. (the Atlantic)

Remember how great Bachannal was? Kinda? Check out this pretty decent video of Macklemore’s performance here to remember the greatest day on the Columbia calendar. (YouTube)

Furry friend via Wikimedia

“I pressed caps lock and I don’t know how to unpress it uhhhh”

• Justin Bieber hopes Anne Frank would have been a belieber. OMG GUISE HES BEING SO SELF-CENTERED EVERYTHING THAT JBIEBZ SAYS IS IMPORTANT (Sun-Times)
  
• Microsoft apparently is working on a smart watch. DIDNT APPLE SAY THEY WERE DOING THIS LIKE MONTHS AGO COME ON MICROSOFT GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER (Apple Insider)
• Drug tsar says financial crisis was caused by too many bankers taking cocaine. DRUGS ARE THE CAUSE OF EVERYTHING BAD IN THE WORLD LET’S BAN ALL OF THEM AND OUR PROBLEMS WILL BE OVER (Telegraph)
• GUYS LOOK AT ALL THESE IMPORTANT THINGS. ALSO ALL THE REST OF BUZZFEED (Buzzfeed)

Post-meal plan Bwog via Shutterstock

Ask your doctor if Bacchanal is right for you.

Side effects of taking Bacchanal may include: 

Headache, (Health)

nausea, (USA Today)

inexplicable weight loss, (Today)

and doing reckless things with no recollection of the event. (Buzzfeed)

HAI GUISE! ur Friendy daliy here. ALLll I want to say is that u should send us ALLLL your pics, tips, and Cray Cray videoos of today! Send them to tips@bwog.com !

All you need to no in the world is down therr:

Set times
Morningsiders 11:00 – 11:45
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis 12:00 – 1:00
Flosstradamus 1:30 – 2:30
Red Bull Truck – 9:00 – 4:00

Pics shuld look liek dis:

EDIT: Photos and stuff… 4Loko out

OH:

“Did you hear that mosh pitting perfectly mimics random particles in a box?”
-AP

“I really have to pee and take 4 shots!”
-ST

“it’s not like a rapper I want to see, it’s just two white assholes”
-CD

“Thanks for letting me come to your school on a Saturday and dry hump your women”
-AA

“Community college had this suit down like that. Come on! Do not grab his penis.
Talking about his raccoon coat”
-PS

“The worst thing about these crowds is they make me sober”
-AS

Have funNNNnnNn TO DAYYYYYY!

vaguely distasteful

Relevant: Jay Z quotes Obama in his new song. (MSNBC)

One way to stay relevant: Lindsay Lohan is almost sleeping with Charlie Sheen. (E! Online)

When you are irrelevant: Google knows what to do with you. (BBC News)

Already irrelevant: B movie star sues IMDB for publishing her real age. Forty two, for the record. Because one way to keep your age out of the news is to sue for $1 million. (Fox)

Relevant Columbians:  You can have an Ivy League degree and still be funny. Video below.

What Shutterstock thinks is funny and relevant

Columbia is some cla$$y shit

Columbia makes the news for being pretty damn classy — yeah, we like opera and classic literature, it’s whatever. (WQXR)

These algae-covered homes might hold the key to energy independence, but only if you can deal with the slightly-offensive color. (Yahoo)

Your daily dose of creepy people: police finally arrest a man who has lived as a hermit for 27 years and is thought to be responsible for over 1,000 burglaries. While Bwog is a tiny bit impressed with how long he was able to live in the woods, this guy makes us nervous to go camping (USA Today).

The standoff between police and a gunman holding four firefighters hostage ends. (Reuters)

Class act via Shutterstock

Sometimes life is just like one big hedge maze.

German thieves have stolen 5 metric tons of Nutella. What exactly are they planning to do with all that chocolate-hazelnut goodness? Make 5 metric tons of delicious crepes? (Slate)

It turns out that an intelligence agency in France is just like us; it accidentally calls huge amounts of attention to its embarrassing mistakes, too. Now the most-read article on French Wikipedia is about a military base and might contain classified information. (TechDirt)

Apparently some people are confused about whether or not they are oppressed. (Or are they confused? Maybe the author of the article is confused?) (Thought Catalog)

So Margaret Thatcher, recently deceased, was groundbreaking as a female leader, but she also did some unsavory stuff and said that she hated feminism. How are we supposed to feel about her? (HuffingtonPost)

Have Christians been wrong about Judas this whole time? Was he actually not a traitor? How trustworthy are our ink identifying technologies? (Discovery)

Metaphor via Wikimedia

I want YOU to star with me in that new perfume commercial.

Everyone seems to think that Hillary Clinton has decided, “I’ll run for president, yolo.” (NY Daily News)

Boston College has decided that free condoms aren’t OK. (NY Times)

Decided that you’re a winner? Here’s some gifs and songs to help you do it. (Buzzfeed)

And of course, Kim Jong-Un still doesn’t seem to calm the fuck down. (CNN)

Your dance teacher via Shutterstock

More like Jeoparty, amirite?

What is, Barnard/CC featured on Jeopardy? (Twitter)

Who is, Anderson Cooper’s childhood crush? (Huffington Post)

What is, the greatest movie ever made? (Buzzfeed)

Who is, the inventor of the Ferris Wheel? (Nytimes, Columbia)

I’ll take Alex Trebek’s condescension towards incorrect answers for $500 via Wikimedia Commons

…and when I close my eyes, I see you for who you truly are, which is UUUG-LAY.

Remember 1993? Probably not, but step into any pay phone in New York and you can. (New Museum)

Remember Debutante Hill? Unless you were born in 1958, probably not–but you can. This year Ig Publishing will “bring back the very best in young adult literature, from the classics of the 1930s and 1940s, to the thrillers and social novels of the 1970s and 1980s.” (Publishers Weekly)

Remember when Roger Ebert won a Pulitzer? You probably weren’t around in 1975, but Roger Ebert passed away yesterday. (The Guardian)

Remember when you used to be able to play music from your Blackberry? Not anymore. (NYT)

Remember when Amanda Bynes wasn’t a fucking weirdo? Not really. (Oregon Live)

A day in the life of Bwog

Lululemon! Occasionally has embarrassing moments with see-through clothin (just like us that one time we misguidedly tried to do yoga)! (Bloomberg)

Shakespeare! He’s ending up on the streets of New York (just like we will a year after we graduate)! (NY Times)

Princesses! They get subpoenaed (just like us…? I mean, hey, it could happen). (NY Times)

Mermen! They’re super fabulous and super real (just like us EVERY TIME WE GO SWIMMING. That’s right). (Yahoo)

It’s hard being so fabulous via Shutterstock

There’s a very good chance Shain rode on this tractor at least once in his life.

Yay: DSpar writes another provoking article about women who may want to have it all. (Daily Beast)

Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac reported some pretty hot profits this past year. We want some pictures. (LA Times)

Damn: Buckwild’s beloved Shain Gandee died of carbon monoxide poisoning and the world now mourns his distinctive accent. (USA Today)

Malcolm Smith, one of our state senators, tried some old-fashioned bribery to get into the NYC mayor race. (WSJ)

Wha?: One in five teen births (15-19) still aren’t first children for the mothers, despite increases in usage of contraceptives. (USA Today)

We hope April showers don’t bring these May flowers. (Buzzfeed)

The Bwogmobile via Shutterstock