It is only in the heat of the housing lottery that Columbians can feel like New Yorkers. Square footage dominates conversation. Friendships end–six friends can’t fit in a suite for five. Welcome to the city, toots. Deal with it. Much of the strategizing has already gone down, but today group lottery numbers are finally posted. And benevolent and hygienic blog that we are, Bwog doesn’t want you doing anything rash like an NYU student, so we offer you these tips for staying calm throughout the process:

1. Burn shit down.

2. Watch attractive people pretend to go to Barnard.

3. Go to the West End and talk it out with 200 of your closest, burliest friends. Oh yeah, and then fuck each other up (and enjoy some Hennessy) until 15 cop cars show up.

4. Become a fashionista!

5. And of course, engage in a little Butler Sex.