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Senior Wisdom: Bethany Milton

This is the ninth post in the senior wisdom series. Read the rest here.

Bethany Milton, C ’06
Claim to Fame: Bwog Co-Editor.
Post-grad plans: European Politics and Society Program Assistant, Danish International Study Program, Copenhagen, Denmark. (It’s the secret English-language study abroad program everyone loves.)

Preferred swim test stroke?

The “Oh-let-me-just-make-sure-my-bikini- top-is-going-to-stay-on-before-I-jump- in-OH-MY-GOD-I- JUST-UNHOOKED-MY-BIKINI- TOP-BOOBIES-STAY-IN-!-!-!-!

What are three things you learned at Columbia?

1. Montaigne was cranky because he had a kidney stone.
2. Nietzsche was cranky because he had the syph.
3. Freshman are cranky because they have to take Frontiers. Suckas!

Justify your existence in 30 words or less.

I’m carbon neutral.

What was your favorite controversy in your time at Columbia?

You might not of heard of it– it was freshman year and called “Beth vs. the Wrestler Who Lived on the End of the Hall and Dated Christy Romano and Left Porn Running on His Computer 24-7″

”Beth vs. Big Wrestler’s Little Wrestler Sidekick” was also pretty impressive.

What Columbia memory best exemplifies your college experience?

Senior Ball After-Party? I have a bad long-term memory.

Which Prof do you think would be the best kisser?

The Sex Ed professor on the Bedford Diaries.

What percentage of seniors do you think are virgins?

40 percent.

Would you rather permanently give up oral sex or cheese?

If I could tell people about the trade-off, oral sex. If I couldn’t, cheese. More awkward to refuse sex acts without explanation than cheese.

Days on campus memory?

I remember being shocked and horrified when a girl in our dinner group went outside to smoke. One year later I was smoking semi-regularly. Now I’m kind of shocked and horrified again that a 17-year-old was smoking.


Any and all Barnard-hating. That school has its shit together and Columbia ought to take notes. Never staying in the city for a summer. Not planting the crackers because that would have been brilliant. Spending so much of my college career abroad (not that it didn’t have its benefits… the chief one being… JOB!)

Abuse position as Bwog Co-Editor to ramble?

It’s been around a scarce four months but the Bwog might be the thing I’m most proud of at Columbia. It’s an idea whose time has come and I’m just sad I won’t be here to see where it’s going.

‘Thank you’s are in order. Thank you to all the posters and especially the underclassmen who have been taking over more and more responsibility the past few weeks; the site will be in good hands next year. Thanks also to our tipsters; there’s no question you make bwgossip is the best Columbia alias to be on and the Bwog far more interesting than we could alone. Thank you to Zach VS for his interweb magic. And Taylor for reminding us when Dead Guy jokes aren’t funny. Finally, a big thank you to our readers and commenters. I think you might be crazy, I think you might be obsessed with the site, and I know you are opinionated in the weirdest ways… but so am I. I’m glad we’ve found each other.

The Bwog isn’t going away this summer, just slowing down a little. And it’ll be back with a vengeance in September. I know I’ll be hitting refresh repeatedly and I hope you will, too.

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  • awwwwwww says:

    @awwwwwww wwwwwwwwwww

  • score says:

    @score for those of you keeping score at home, senior wisdom so far:

    4 white guys
    4 white girls
    1 spanish girl

    oh bwog.

    1. John says:

      @John There are two problems here:
      Emails were sent out to a lot of campus movers and shakers; not all of them answered.
      Quite a few of Columbia’s minority students (who are, on this campus, in the minority) weren’t groomed for leadership positions, and can’t get on top of other campus groups to find their way onto who’s who lists, because those groups won’t seek them out or put them there.

      It’s not entirely fair to put the blame on the Bwog, and you might see how the same problems apply to BC, GS, and JTS.

      It’s hard to turn the race trend around, but if you look at the B&W masthead in its most recent issue, you will see that the editors are trying.

      1. why, god, why says:

        @why, god, why do the comments on every post on the bwog end up discussing one group or another being discriminated against? I merely ask for information.

  • plus says:

    @plus 7 columbia
    2 barnard
    0 seas
    0 GS
    0 JTS

    1. oh, bwog says:

      @oh, bwog What about the graduate schools? I wouldn’t mind reading about the next big doctors and corporate lawyers. P’shaw… continue pandering to CC/BC.

  • ps. says:

    @ps. hey bwog-

    love ya, but it’s


    my biggest gramatical pet peeve

    1. spellcheck says:

      @spellcheck grammatical, yes?

  • well... says:

    @well... i never said anything about spelling!

  • also says:

    @also disgustingly self-indulgent to put yourself on the site… I think bwog would be better if the authors got over themselves.

    and, race-wise 10-to-one odds say kwame will be the token black kid. diversity isn’t really bwog’s thing.

  • ignore these comments says:

    @ignore these comments Beth is cute and funny!


    @DESTROYER OF BOATS bring on spearman. regardless of tokenism that kid rules

  • zhb says:

    @zhb The matter of race is a concern of ours. We asked several minorities (other than Montse) to fill out our questionnaire, but they declined. Our sincere apologies. These senior profiles are certainly not representative of the senior class. Take them as a sample of a few quirky personalities. But yes, our sincere apologies for the lack of diversity.

    1. yeah says:

      @yeah i’m sorry to have brought race up–i think the senior wisdom features have been cute and fun. but it seems to me that there are a lot of predominantly white student groups that say, “hey, we contacted nonwhite people but they didn’t write back!” and that’s their attempt at diversity, without really questioning why those people aren’t responding and why the group is predominantly white in the first place, y’know?

      but i love the bwog. so keep on workin’, y’all.

  • so... says:

    @so... have the responses to the virgin question been serious esimates?

  • M.R. says:

    @M.R. “What about the graduate schools?”

    It’s not like Undergrad schools are an afterthought at Columbia. No, never.

  • so sad says:

    @so sad can’t anyone do anything on this campus without people freaking out about the number of “minorities” involved.

  • the underclassmen says:

    @the underclassmen Beth is the alpha and the omega! We bow down before her, electronically.

  • emily says:

    @emily beth, i think i can attest to the fact that the senior ball frying pan after-party > most other columbia experiences. hands down.

  • My GPA sucks says:

    @My GPA sucks This should be linked to the “meta” category.

  • Andrew says:

    @Andrew Beth – I wish I had read your incredibly witty an enjoyable (and truthful!) Senior Wisdom before answering my questionaire.

    Just a quick weigh-in on the race issue, too:

    Am I the only one that feels like the responses that have been provided are more-or-less about standard Columbia experiences (“hahahaha, we’re all virgins” and “hahahaha, most of our lessons weren’t academic!”) that span any sort of categories you may want to construct? All I’ve done is laugh along with these posts, and I hope that’s the point.

    Congratulations to the seniors of 2006!

    (Note: ‘seniors’ doesn’t denote a specific school, race, creed, orientation or economic status. I love you all.)

  • hey says:

    @hey bethany. you look like rosamund looney (rising senior)

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