Jul

9

Francia, Francia, va fanculo!

Written by

Bwog fan Joyce Hau checks in from Berlin, where she jostled with nearly a million football fiends on the Fan Mile for the final match of the world cup between Italy and France.

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From Joyce: How ironic–the French have nothing to thank him for now.

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More from Joyce, including literal translations of German player’s last names and an allusion to the Nazis in a German World Cup-pop song, after the jump.

There isn’t a language in the world as physical and literal as German. For instance, the word for ‘mitten’ is ‘Fausthandschuh,’ which literally means Fist-Hand-Shoe. In honor of the hosts of World Cup 2006, we’ve taken the liberty of translating the last names of some German national team players. With these appellations, the following soccer stars were assuredly the butts of many a schoolchild’s joke. But who’s laughing now? Oh yeah, the Italians.

Former national team captain/monster menace Oliver KAHN: Since he was benched semi-permanently by national coach Jürgen Klinsmann, he’s now more of an Oliver CAN’T.
Local TV Commentator Otto VON THORN UND TAXIS: OF THORNS AND TAXIS. No real translation needed.
Old-timer legend/D.O.M. Franz Beckenbauer: Although he is known around the country as the ‘Kaiser,’ his name means ‘basin-builder.’ Appropriately enough, according to German tabloids, the most legendary soccer player in West German history spends more time in the bathtub ‘entertaining’ guests than on the football throne. He even had time this World Cup to get married a third time.

And a snippet from German pop band Sportfreunde Stiller’s Top Ten pop song ” ’54, ’74, ’90, 2006″, released for the World Cup:

“Wir haben nicht die höchste Spielkultur.
Sind nicht gerade filigran.
Doch wir haben Träume und Visionen
und in der Hinterhand ‘nen Master Plan.”

“We don’t have the highest game culture,
we’re not of the highest filigree.
However we have dreams and visions
and up our sleeves a Master Plan.”

Now, just as long as they don’t have a Final Solution…

Closer to home in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn, a sixteen-block-long party honked, yelled, drank, sang, and waved the red, white, and green through the cannoli and calzone capital of the world for hours after the final penalty kick.

It-al-ia! It-al-ia!

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Bwog shudders to think what this place would’ve look like had France’s star player not head-butted the Italian footballer.

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25 Comments

  1. it's not

    football you american idiots! it's SOCCER. OR FUTBOL. And i'm from bensonhurst, and this place was (is) a madhouse. I went into a store. Everything was quiet. I came out less than 5 minutes later to see car after car of hot italian girls hanging out of car windows with their flags. Brooklyn

    • it is football, actually,

      in the UK

    • whats more embarrasing

      is when sport nazis can't even get what they're complaining about right---head down to 'names of the game'---embarrassing stuff for you http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soccer#_note-17



      as for zidane's red card's effect..remember italy knocked home two in the dying minutes of the second extra time period in the previous game..and that zidane would surely have taken a pk....which means we have no idea how his ejecton affected the game



      as for the most fashionable world cup..i'd say the early 90's cameroon and columbia headlined cups were the best

      • in america

        football = sport for thick-headed pansies. Soccer = real sport. Rugby = real...er sport. Though personally i prefer soccer. had they written "futbol" i would not have had a problem with it. suck it, 12.

        • ha....

          so it turns out you aren't a serious sports follower/sports nazi..you're just an anti american bitch who actually has no knowledge of sports



          and yeah..a game where the entire outcome can be changed by a 160 guy who's only discernable quality of speed is obscured by his diving ability is a real sport?



          see how easy it is to spew subjective garbage about sport (hint--i think all three are 'real sports')? as for football and rugby...you obviously haven't played a bit of either to think you can play a skill position or even on the line in football if youre thick headed. You've obviously never had to study a playbook in your life, or make an on the fly adjustment against a secondary while running at full speed w/ a 4.7-5 sec forty time at your disposal.



          P.S. good job not addressing teh article and the fact you're actually just an ignorant loudmouth...suck it? better head back to your WWE because we know how much you like 'real sports'

        • seriously though

          did you read the article? 'Soccer' was coined by an englishmen try to explain he wasn't a rugger.

  2. ...

    that was supposed to end in:

    Brooklyn (less than sign)(three)

  3. Marta

    actually, it's football all over the world, except for the us. after all, guys from FIFA (=Federation Internationale de Football Association) know it best

  4. a tip  

    the reason why facebook has purged celebrities is here--apparently they'll be coming back soon



    http://www.campusprogress.org/page/community/post/bcollinsworth/C35l

  5. what a bunch of sellouts  

    fuck the facebook. fuck any online college site that is made just to get the owner rich quick. bwog, if you ever try to pull something like this and sell me out to the man, you're done. finished. i'll never buy your monthly again.

    • how are they

      sellouts? Yes, they made $2 billion (yes, sickening, billionaires at 25) off the deal, but that's because they created the largest networking, and thus, advertising website for college students and high school students and soon to be general professional networking. You can't say they're selling out just because they made a lot of money. What grand ideals were they exactly pursuing by making facebook? They were trying to make money off of it, and goddamnit, they made wayyyyy too much.

  6. someone

    bwog, frankly you disappoint me. italy would have won even if zidane been present. shame on you.

  7. Veritas  

    It's true. I went to all alternate futures with Zidane present and they still lost.



    On a totally related note, this was theoretically the most fashionable World Cup in all of human history.

  8. es heißt fußball

    dumme amis!

  9. vive zidane!

    fuck italy and fuck brooklyn. the final was obviously rigged so that american tshirt and italian flag manufacturers could make a killing off the 3rd generation italians' mirthful merriment (o franco-americans, formez votres battalions!)



    anyway at least all the "azzuri" are going to go on trial when they get back to bella italia, and then be demoted to division three. and zidane will never be forgotten.



    who are the surrender monkeys now!?

  10. sakib

    the french have nothing to thank Zidane for?



    how about thanking him for taking a global stand against racism and biggotry?



    the same head that won France the world cup in 98 w/ two headers, now 8 years later, knocks the wind out of xenophobic europe. http://teamsakib.blogspot.com. gotta love zizou.



    allez les bleus!

  11. as a soccer fan

    who generally hates france and italy and the rest of teh arrogant european establishment (who tried to tell us S&M was the shit)..i can't agree more w/comments 19 and 20...i also bet you eto'o heart warmed when he saw zidane's headbutt.. still...cheese eating surrender monkeys..heh

  12. the lip readers

    claim it was something like "you are the son of a terrorist whore," with variations repeated three times. he may have also wished zidane's family a speedy death (his mother is actually on her death bed or something)

  13. um

    the external link has what zidane himself actually says materazzi was saying..



    don't get me wrong..i don't doubt other italian players might use racism or something when they trash talk given italy's history..but in this case..it seems zidane didn't like them talking about his mom and sister



    that doesn't excuse them..i'll still flip off any member of the italian team i see besides buffon, gattuso, and maybe cannavero

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